By Heidi Hess
Well, it’s that time of year. Let’s pull out all the pink and red heart decorations and hope to get struck by an arrow from the fictional winged mini-person in charge of love. Who is this guy, and why did someone give him arrows? Ha. Is it me, or does this holiday feel a little surface? A little superficial? Isn’t it important to show the people closest to us our love daily? Not just once a year with some crappy chocolate and $5 discount roses.
This year I’ll be turning the ripe old age of 52. Now, before you leave, thinking she’s going off on a tangent, I am but it will all make sense. Stay with me. My ladies of a certain age will understand. We get to fifty and are permanently unimpressed by a lot of things and blinded by rage. Why is that? I’ll tell you why. We sacrifice everything for everyone. Now, I know this isn’t the case for everyone. If you are one of those people, congratulations on being able to balance life and still have your needs met. But for the rest of us… it’s hard.
We make lists of things we need: new sneakers, a haircut, a seven-day cruise to the Caribbean, only to put them aside when our kids, our partners, and our family need something. Ladies, let’s stop doing this. Our needs are just as important (maybe more important). Who takes care of us? We do. And that’s the good news. We take care of ourselves. It’s the ultimate in self-love and probably the most satisfying relationship you will ever have.
Remember the stewardesses acting out what to do in an emergency on the airplane? They tell us to first put our oxygen masks on and then take care of the other people around us. Doesn’t that make sense? We can’t help people if we are dead. But, why does it have to be an emergency? Guess what – IT DOESN’T! Isn’t that great news? And… it’s not expensive.
When you wake up, check in with yourself. How are you feeling? Only you know, and only you can do something about it. If you are a mom like me, wake up early, get a walk in, and do some writing. Doing those things first allows me to care for my family and not resent them. My needs have already been met, my cup is full, and I have something to give.
Another thing you can do is set boundaries. Don’t want to see a toxic family member? Do you feel zapped of energy when you see someone? You don’t have to. Boundaries are a good way of putting your needs first. You are protecting yourself.
Making sure our kids see us modeling those behaviors helps them learn how to treat themselves and how to honor their needs. So, for this Valentine’s Day, be kind to yourself. Love yourself. It may even help you love other people more.