Teen Talk
A Proposal to Resolve the Deficit
By Evan Baumel
I humbly present you this satirical essay for solving the state deficit problem. This follows the format of Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal,” which offered an outrageous solution to the social problems occurring in eighteenth century Ireland (just in time for April Fool’s Day).
A Proposal to Resolve the Persistent Deficits Accumulated by the States of the United States without Sacrificing Essential Public Services
Nowadays, the citizens of the United States seem to be highly concerned with the consistent deficits that the states have been accumulating. There is a high incentive for those, such as myself, who look for ways to curb budget gaps. Unlike the federal government, all states are required to have a balanced budget by the end of the fiscal year. This places an enormous pressure on the states, especially during an economic downturn, when there is a smaller amount of taxable income.
It has come to my attention that there are several private institutions that are able to weather those harsh times. As a result, I propose that large corporations pay off the debts accumulated for the fiscal year; in return, the corporation will be granted the naming rights of a section of the state. For instance, if Apple, Inc. covered one billion dollars out of Washington State’s two-point-eight billion dollar deficit, the tech giant would have the ability to rename several of its counties.
There are several benefits to this plan. Firstly, and most importantly, it relieves the state from having to remove funding from vital areas, such as public education. Many ambitious plans have come to a halt due to budgetary problems. Allowing corporations to pay off the deficit will encourage the passage of new and beneficial projects without worrying about adding to the state’s budget woes.
Secondly, this plan will encourage competition amongst businesses to pay off the most debt. For example, if McDonalds pays off five billion dollars worth of California’s twenty billion dollar deficit, similar companies (perhaps Wendy’s) will attempt to outdo the fast-food establishment by donating seven billion dollars to the state. Standard economic theory states that the greater the competition, the more benefits there are for the consumer.
Thirdly, having areas renamed for companies will indirectly ensure brand loyalty amongst the people living in the municipality. The contributing corporations tend to have several offices in major tourist destinations. Thus, whenever these citizens travel abroad, the name recognition will lead to an increase in sales for that particular company.
Fourthly, civilians will not see any increase in taxes. It is indeed politically difficult to convince citizens that the best way to curb the state’s overspending is with additional fees and/or fines. The only suffering, if any, the people will have to face would be the annoyance of referring to your county as “Wal-Mart County.”
Fifthly, this proposal will uplift the reputation of the donating company. Most consumers favor major corporations that give a large contribution to a just cause. Since deficit reduction appears to be a popular topic, the institutions that pay for these debts will be considered by many as heroes of the United States.
There is no other decent proposal to solve this problem. Let no one convince the public that cutting frivolous spending is a way to reduce the deficit. The alternative plan does not offer as many benefits as mine.
Nor should anyone believe that reducing Medicare and Medicaid spending through health care reform is a viable option. Such delusions are the dreams of idealists who do not understand the complexities of such programs. However, I would not object to letting health care corporations pay off some of the states’ deficits.
The general public should ignore the plea that we could raise taxes on the wealthy. Since most companies that would donate to the states are under the authority of the wealthy, tax increases would discourage corporations from contributing for the common good. It would actually benefit companies and society more if they received a tax cut, allowing them to further donate to the state.
The proposed plan is the best course of action to reduce the growing deficits of the states. I would also like to reassure you that I have no stock or investment in any of the companies I have mentioned. The policy I have discussed is only for the common good for the country I love and its citizens.
…Just kidding! April Fools!
Evan Baumel is a senior at Wellington High School. He’s involved in Debate, National Honor Society, Key Club, politics and writes for the school newspaper.