The Empty Bed, One Mom’s Struggle with Finding Treatment for her Son
By Ilyse August
Night after night my husband and I lay on our bed tired, yet apprehensive to fully succumb to the day and allow our nights rest to begin. There is one empty bed in our house on most nights that is missing its 17 year old teenage son occupant. Our first born is out in the night and who knows where?
We try to ‘rein him in’; we try to enforce our rules knowing full well our control over him has been inadvertently relinquished to G-D’s graces of protection. Surreptitiously time has evolved into a freedom our teenager does not fully comprehend, and a freedom he unfortunately chooses to play Russian roulette with. Teens, “barely conscious” of all the decisions they make at this ripe old age of 16 and 17, are making decisions which will inevitably effect the rest of their lives. Some of these decisions will come with repercussions that will be irreversible.
I always thought the kids wandering “the streets” at night were solely the kids who came from broken families where dinner time family discussions were never a part of their childhood and where the parents, guardians, or caregivers lacked in the parenting skills category. As parents of three teenage sons, we now see my visualization of ‘the way to raise your kids perfectly’ couldn’t be further from the truth. Another lesson in life about judging others. So here my husband and I are – looking back on our parenting, knowing we did our absolute best. Knowing that our sons diagnosis at age 7 of ADHD with Impulsivity & his diagnosis even younger with ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder,) OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,) and anxiety could lead to some extra parenting skill work. What I didn’t anticipate is how the ‘different’ mind would be so greatly effected in its decision making process as it transitions into young adulthood.
It is a known fact that the human brain does not fully connect until about age 25. Having an inherent predisposition to mental illness – (my husband’s sister committed suicide 20 years ago, and my brother has struggled with drugs) – it is a known fact that human beings effected with this genetic predisposition lack an A1 Dopamine gene, giving the individual an inherently poor ability to cope with life as an ‘ordinary’ brain can. Mood disorders and mood swings, depression, anger, highs and lows are all a part of the genetically malfunctioning brain- also called mental illness. . The problems teens face can be confounded when an individual struggling to balance his/her mental balance also has a substance abuse challenge, thus being labeled as a Dual Diagnosis issue.
We see a problem with our teen coming into a new freedom at 17- at least a freedom he feels he is deserving of. However, he is NOT, yet he takes the liberty to take advantage of his newfound freedom after withdrawing from high school and foregoing a promising (& potential) career in his sport – giving up years of dedicated effort and commitment to becoming one of the best at what he did. In essence, he’s giving it all up to simply hang out with his “cool friends.” If only he knew these are not true friends.
We as parents not only see our teenager throwing away his future, but we are spectators in a game of this Russian roulette I mentioned earlier, sadly watching as our son deteriorates before our eyes. We have been doing everything in our power to get our son into a rehab, even “Baker Acting” him against his will into a hospital situation not once, but twice over a three month period, only to have him escape the hospital the second time.
This Baker Act is not only ineffective in our opinion, but it is also counterproductive. If the hospital mistreats the patient by withholding important therapy sessions and possible sedation proclivities, then all bets are off for the patient to benefit from receiving the proper hospital treatment and care that is being paid for by the patients’ insurance. To beat these individuals down even more is the absolute wrong direction for these institutions to take, yet this is the only avenue we as parents can turn to for help. Ultimately it is the parents (or guardians) goal to have the child transferred to a rehab facility for all therapies pertinent for the patients improved health. A child must be clean and sober however in order to be evaluated and accepted into a rehab treatment facility. This is where the system begins to fail these kids 17 and under. A recent radio program hosted by Reenie Brewer, a prominent grandmother who stands up to bullying in our Western communities has done a fabulous job of expressing the disconnect: Listen in at http://tobtr.com/s/5487835.#BlogTalkRadio
We talk about everything we need to talk about: Family dynamics, relationships, bullying, mutual respect, Women’s issues, homelessness, nutrition, as well as current news. It’s our opportunity to be heard. We have guests who can answer your questions. I do daily research to keep all of us informed.
In most cases whether it is a teen or an adult who is entering a rehab facility, this individual is typically at his or her own all time low with the particular substance abuse/addiction he or she owns. At the time a person shows up to begin their road to recovery, or at least at the time of a person’s attempt to begin their healing process, the person is not exactly sober and/or coherent; their mental and physical facilities are not exactly at the level an airline pilot’s focus needs to be. And perhaps this is a poor analogy, as it is known that the FAA has its share of substance abuse issues with their pilots. Ultimately, for the teen population this presents a problem as it’s certainly difficult enough to bring a teen to enter a rehab facility, let alone getting the adolescent there only to find out Dang! – the teen needs to sober up first. So what do you do? Where do you go?
The choices are invariably limited to simply the hospital to detox, and unfortunately, this is not the option that will help the adolescent due to its narrow method of ‘dealing’ with these individuals. At their all time low, addicts are in dire need for those around them in the recovery process to be supportive and nurturing. However, all too often the opposite is true with so called “recovery personnel” negating the addict’s reasons for landing in the situation they are in.
From what I have observed and experienced firsthand from my own son going through the 17 year old and under adolescent treatment arena, I have been appalled during the initial evaluation/recovery (detox from the drugs or alcohol) part of the process. Unfortunately, anybody with an addiction challenge is looked upon as sub par, and often not given a fair chance since they are pre judged right out of the gates.
My husband and I had selected a rehab in BrowardCounty, and we were not thrilled to see that the “professionals” at the rehab center were basically acting as a liaison between the hospital and their own rehab facility. As my husband and I began to question what we KNOW was mistreatment at the hospital, concerning the level of care our son was NOT being offered, the lead rehab professional liaison stated, “there’s nothing wrong with a little tough love; your son did do something wrong.” My husband agreed on the tough love, but strongly felt that our son was being treated like one of Michael Vick’s dogs. It was when this “Professional” liaison from the rehab center questioned my husband that really sent a chill down my husband’s spine. The question was “do you really feel your son deserves special treatment?” Obviously we recognized that we needed to continue our search for the “RIGHT” treatment facility for our son, and we were actually glad that our son escaped that hospital. This was the second hospital stay for him in a three-month-period, and the first facility was not appalling. However, it did lack in certain important areas.
After attempting and failing at this Baker Act activity, parents are at a standstill because the next option is what’s called a Marchmant Act. This is when parents give total control to the State; parents basically are giving up their parental rights for their child for a period of 41 days according to the Marchmant Act guidelines. Under the circumstances of our own personal experiences within these mental wards in 2 hospitals, one in Palm Beach County, FL and the other in Broward County, FL, I vehemently recommend NOT going this route. However, even in my own personal situation with a teen out of control, I may find that I have absolutely no choice but to enact this final step to providing ‘safety’ for my other children who now live in fear of their older brother.
It is my hope that one day soon there can be a local unit for ages 17 and under who can arrange to help guide these troubled young souls back onto the paths that G-D placed them on this earth to grow and develop into. I have been told that the one program Palm BeachCounty had for youths (called the EagleAcademy,) was negated due to budget cuts. G-D help us help these troubled individuals. All children are our future, and whether a child is acting out from his harsh upbringing, or whether a child is acting out from sheer mental illness, we need to reach them all, or at least give our best efforts to do so. Currently we are failing at this attempt greatly. I believe the best avenue I can seek for advice and guidance is Reenie Brewer’s radio program which can be found on Facebook: via Reenie Brewer~ Reenies Heart to Heart Blog Talk Radio. The program begins at 7:00 am Monday-Friday and can be accessed by calling in as well: 347 989 0352; It runs for one hour.
What are we left with? What are our choices? Quite frankly, we don’t have any clear options as we continue along on this sad and disappointing journey. We go to sleep each night and pray, and wake up each morning and pray some more that our child will finally ‘see the light’ and recognize all the bad decisions are leading nowhere, and leading nowhere fast. However, this mind may be able to realize they’re going ‘down,’ but it also says “I cannot stop myself.” So what is a parent to do who has tried all the psychiatrists and medicines to no avail? The one thing I did see help our son was making him take a natural whole Wild Super Food Freeze dried supplement by The New Earth Company. However, having to ‘make him take it’ only works for so long. I will tell you though that for the time period my son was on the Essential Fatty Acids, Enzymes, Super Blue Green Algae, his mind seemed to rest for the first time in years. I do have Scientifically documented information on the interplay quality enzymes, Essential Fatty Acids(EFA’s) and Super Blue Green Algae play in the ability for the brain to perform at its optimal levels for those with brain chemical imbalances.
Reaching for Inner peace In an effort to keep our son alive b/c clearly it is only a matter of time that his lack of skill in the decision making process keeps him from harm, we just keep trying to say the same mantra over and over; “Be a good person, and always believe in yourself.” What is it that the substance abuser or the mind laden with mental illness is thinking? How can we best help out this sector of human kind? How can we ensure our own children won’t kill themselves through their desperate cries for help that they need this guidance, and they don’t know why?
To families across America who struggle with a family member with Mental Illness and substance abuse, I just want you to know that you’re not alone. If anybody has any ideas to stop this madness, please reach out to me: info@newearthfreedom.com. Twenty years ago I worked on the Fundraising efforts for the AFSP (American Foundation Suicide Prevention) in South Florida, and I almost wonder if it was foreshadowing of what was to come in my own life with my own flesh and blood. We are where we are supposed to be indeed, but I need the strength to figure out what my “place” in all of this is. I do not want to bury my child; I understand this is the greatest pain, and I can surely understand why. We brought this person into the world, and we surely don’t want to see the person take him or herself out of this world.
There a few resources in our community that you can turn to: Locally here in Wellington is a lovely Counseling center called Peace of Mind Counseling, located at 12773 W. Forest Hill Blvd, Ste.209. Services offered to teens include Intensive Outpatient Substance Abuse as well as Complementary alternative medicine. In addition, their therapies for the families of substance abusers include Individual and couples assistance with licensed social workers as well as life coaches who help mentor the teens to health and safety. They all are passionate about their work, and it is refreshing to feel they care. After much thought on the profile of our son, they assisted us in finding 2 out of state Rehab facilities. Cumberland Heights in Nashville, TN http://www.cumberlandheights.org/ & New Beginnings of Opelousas, LA~http://www.newbeginningsshc.com/, both which can suit the needs of our family, and the needs for our son.
After careful consideration with all referrals mapped out in front of us, my husband’s strategic online search for ‘the perfect drug rehab/mental health facility’ came to light.
At NewportAcademy,http://www.newportacademy.com, we found a patient to professional ratio of 4:1. This is an outstanding opportunity as we feel we have one shot, and one shot only to get this right. With a teen group of no more than 10 boys max, we strongly have faith that moving into 2014 our careful selection process landed us with a facility that will be our family’s solution to maneuver our son back onto the road to recovery thus enabling our entire family the ability to heal and move in a positive direction.
CEO Newport Academy owner, Jamison Monroe, has been on CNN, NBCNY, Huffington Live and many other major news shows but the clip below, for me, captures the essence of our program.
Jamison’s contribution to the Recovery 2.0 Conference:
http://player.vimeo.com/external/74743948.hd.mp4?s=d95dada4b937b30547f7a2401a18cbc2
Connecticut Article:
http://www.ctpost.com/opinion/article/More-mental-health-care-access-needed-4913928.php
NAMI (National Organization for the Mentally Ill), which has a local chapter that meets at the Wellington Library on Forest HIll – once a month. And Florida Community Alliance, Inc. – a non-profit mental health agency dedicated to improving the lives of adolescents, adults and families through leadership training. A local resource on the web is www.HelpingYouCare.com, which provides resources for anyone who is a caregiver or has questions about health issues. The NAMI.org website is helpful too. Also by dialing 2-1-1, you are connected with various resources in your own county, including counseling and suicide prevention resources. You can also visit www.211PalmBeach.org. Yet there is a long way to go when it comes to finding help for someone who is diagnosed as mentally ill in your family – this is why many people consider “mental illness” to be “the last frontier” when it comes to awareness and funding.
I don’t have the answers, and I can only say that all I wish for is to have my son back in his bed, and for all people out there to have their loved ones back in their beds too – safe, sound and healthy.
Bless us all!
Ilyse August is a Non Profit Fundraising Specialist whose passion is to change the lives of many people not only here in S. Florida, but throughout the world as well. Through the education of the powers that are inherent in Earth’s Superfoods, such as WILD Super Blue Green Algae (SBGA,) tonic mushrooms, botanicals, probiotics, enzymes, the whole host of Chorophyll (Spirulina,) base foods, Ilyse aims to guide people to understanding that our bodies are the true miracles, and feeding/nourishing our bodies with the best foods from earth can only help to facilitate our bodies operating at their optimal performance levels. To visit the basic information on the New Earth product line, please visit: http://www.teamnewearth.com/ilyse/Products. For more technical/Scientific info, please email Ilyse at info@newearthfreedom.com.
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