Lighten Up with Lisa
Learning one of life’s most important lessons comes from learning to understand the human heart.
By Lisa Dawn Wax
Dear Lightworker Lisa,
It seems like almost everyone I talk to lately has some tragic life story to tell. Some are facing losing their homes to foreclosure, or forced to do a short sale, or they are unemployed and without health insurance or they are just so depressed because of one reason or another. I want to be a good friend, but these days I feel I’m at a complete loss for words. What can I say to these people I care about?
Signed,
Caring but Clueless
Dear Clueless,
I’m sure this is a question that is occasionally asked by even the most experienced counselors, advisors, therapists and clergy. We are facing very challenging times; and although the struggles may feel insurmountable for many, I believe most people are finding their way to emulate that stray blade of grass that manages to push upward and break through the concrete sidewalk. That being said, everyone deals with stress or crisis differently so it is hard to give a cookie cutter response of what to say to the distressed people you care about. It is common and normal when people hear stories of tragedy and sadness, especially form friends or family, to want to say “something” in order to try to solve the problem and offer comfort. However, rather than ask the question of “what to say” consider asking the question, “when to say something or when NOT to say anything.” The last thing most people want when they are seeking empathy and understanding is to end up with advice, judgment or constructive criticism. Simply put- a hug can be worth a thousand words and is quite possibly one of the most genuine and heart felt expressions of Compassion.
Compassion is a beautiful and very necessary human virtue that can have a tremendous impact on both the giver and receiver. It validates the emotions of the person in pain and reassures them that someone cares. I firmly believe it is one of the most important lessons we can teach our children. There is never an inappropriate time for compassion because compassion is ALWAYS appropriate. Every major religion regards compassion as one of the greatest and most revered virtues. For example, it is a central focal point of Buddhism. The spiritual teacher and enlightened one, Buddha, once told a student, “compassion shelters and embraces the distressed…the cultivation of compassion is not part of our practice…it is all of our practice.” The Buddhist leader, Dali Lama, once said, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” In both Judaism and Christianity God is invoked as the “Father of Compassion”. Rabbis speak of the “13 attributes of compassion” and Jesus preached to act compassionately towards others by righteously proclaiming, “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.”
In his book, When Bad Things Happen To Good People, Harold Kushner recounts the biblical story of Job, who although he suffered greatly refused to renounce God even though it would have alleviated his suffering. When Job’s friends came to “comfort” him they did everything wrong and in turn made him feel worse by implying that he must have done something to deserve such a fate of punishment. They criticized his grief, they minimized his pain, and they asked him to disguise or reject his feelings. What Job needed most from his friends was acts of Compassion. He needed physical comforting, people sharing their strength with him, holding him rather than scolding him. He needed permission to be angry, to cry and to scream. He needed someone to tell him he was still a Good Person! However, two things that the friends did correctly were: 1. they came and 2. They listened.
So the next time someone is sharing a personal sadness and you feel at a complete loss for words, consider it a sign that words are not required in the matter. Consider being there to wipe away tears, pick up pieces of broken glass, or just be a sounding board. If you must say something, try asking the person what it is they need or want from you to help them to feel better. Be compassionate and comforting by reiterating your desire to help alleviate their pain. Hug them, cry with them, yell with them or laugh with them to help them find their inner peace, for a state of peace can yield new perspective, new strength and new inspiration to pursue a new life of joy.
Lightworker Lisa
Until next time, may your days be brighter and your lives be lighter.
Let me ignite the light in your life!
If you would like to submit a question for publication, you can email me directly at lisa@lightworkerlisa.com.
A Lightworker is someone with an innate ability to know and heal. Lightworkers believe it is their divine mission or higher purpose to write, teach or counsel others that spiritual methods can heal any situation. Lightworkers are souls who volunteered, before birth, to help people learn about love and heal from the effects of fear. Lisa Dawn Wax, aka Lightworker Lisa is a born Lightworker, certified Angel Healing Practitioner and Reiki Master Practitioner; all of which basically confirm her intuitive abilities to help, heal and teach. Using reiki (energy healing), divine messages and intuitive readings, she has helped many people to identify the source of their pain, clarify current life situations, and successfully redirect their focus into positive channels. If you are in need of affordable healing and life coaching with immediate results, call her at 561-594-3948 or visit her website www.lightworkerlisa.com.