As I Was Saying
Stray Thoughts: The Facebook Postings
By Alan Williamson
Random thoughts occur to me throughout the year. Sometimes I wind up posting them on Facebook. Because I’m a resourceful kind of guy, I thought I’d gather them up and share them in a column I’ve cleverly titled “Stray Thoughts: The Facebook Postings.” This is that column. You’re welcome.
I could mention that I’m the star of the new hit TV series, “Mitch Miccosukee: The Mango King Lawyer” but that would be misleading since there’s no such show.
Finally saw Avatar yesterday, but suspect it lost some of it impact on our 15 inch black and white TV. Sigourney Weaver wasn’t scary at all.
The saying “What goes around comes around” was mine. Also the saying “Frankly Francine I don’t care for cider.”
From antique cars to life on Mars – my new late night talk show covers it all. Tune in Monday as “Alan Up Late” welcomes funnyman Donald Trump. Tuesday: “Alan Up Late” trots out jockey Garrett Gomez and the cast of “Balloon Boy.” Wednesday: “Alan Up Late” is all new with eyeglasses expert Elton John and band “Factory Flirt.” Thursday: It’s a girls-gone-wild throwdown as “Alan Up Late” welcomes Betty White and her older sister Hattie. Friday: Fill up on fun as “Alan Up Late” makes room for eating contest champ Bubba Chadwick.
Why are tear (as in ripping) and tear (as in crying) spelled exactly the same? Does this make any sense? It just tears me up . . . or tears me up.
One lunch, four stains on my shirt – a new personal record. I just keep getting better and better.
Will all the businesses that use the letter “z” in a cutesy way (i.e. – Kidz Academy, E-Z Storage, Funny Bonz Comedy Club, etc.) pleaz, pleaz stop. Thankz.
So how’s everyone doing? Did you have a nice holiday? How about this weather? You look like you lost weight. Seen any good movies lately? Any plans for the Feast of the Epiphany? (Another year, same king of small talk.)
I was hand searched by a TSA agent at Detroit Metro airport. I can’t prove it, but I think my former career as a leggy supermodel may have made me a target.
Looking forward to a night at the theater. We’ve got tickets to “Stump,” the stumpidy-do-da—dandy musical about a guy with no arms and legs who finds unlikely love with a vivacious medicine ball.
Life is a mystery, love is a riddle, hi diddle, ho diddle, hey diddle diddle. (Sorry about that, but once you use the word “riddle” in a poem you’ve pretty much unlocked the door to diddle.)
I love sun-splashed fall days that melt into rosy sunsets as I contemplate my fragile existence from my makeshift campsite at the summit of Guatemala’s Volcan Pacaya volcano. Meanwhile, back in the states, word comes that the volcano known as Charlie Sheen has erupted once again, spewing fiery boulders and globs of swill at frightened villagers. My prayers go out.
I am the new spokesman for the Fresh Pepper Growers Federation urging people of all faiths, cultures and ethnic backgrounds to “Discover the Pepper Lover in You.”
Proud to report that my three children from a previous marriage (Big Mort, Ainsley and Hockey Fan) are all doing extremely well and have moved into an old Starcraft fiberglass boat hull in our backyard. Good times!
I celebrate my coastal South Florida lifestyle by frequently catching my own dinner and cooking it. (You have to like lizard though, I’m not much of a fisherman.)
I would like to remind you that if you have your health you have just about everything. (Speaking of which, I’d get that thing on your back checked if I were you. That’s not normal.)
Don’t know much about history; don’t know much biology. Don’t know much about no science book; don’t know much about the French I took. But I do remember who said what to who in almost every silly movie or TV sit-com from the last 20 years, so I got that going for me.
Excited to be co-writing a screenplay with m.night shyamalan entitled “Hamper,” a taunt thriller about a group of strangers that encounter an evil presence in their dirty laundry.
Hand sanitizer: Just another one of the many wonderous things my wife produces from her purse when I’m restless and need a distraction.
I’m relieved to announce that I’m free from the monkey chatter of random thoughts. Oh wait . . . RAH RAH AH AH AH, ROMA RO MA MA, GAGA OOH LA LA . . . okay now I’m free. Wait – DID I MENTION I LIKE PUDDING? Ok, now. BETTY WHITE. Now! SPLISH SPLASH I WAS TAKING A BATH . . . now! . . . TURKEY APPLE BURGER, PLEASE . . . what the what? . . . Now!!!
Alan Williamson is an award-winning writer with 27 years in the field of true fiction (advertising). A practical man who knows that writing for a living is risky going, he has taken steps to pursue a second, more stable career as a leggy super model. Alan can be reached at [email protected]. © 2010 Alan Williamson.