As I Was Saying
The BBQ Meatloaf and Bavarian Cream Puff Diet
By Alan Williamson
It sounds bizarre, I know. In fact, it makes no sense at all. A classic example of mystical new age mumbo jumbo. The stuff of Internet exaggeration and word of mouth gone wild. Surely there’s not a single shred of truth to it.
Well . . . that’s what I thought, too. But the thing is, The BBQ Meatloaf and Bavarian Cream Puff Diet has changed my life. And it can change your life, too. Let me explain.
Seven months ago my world was in a shambles. I woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and what I saw filled me with shame and hopelessness. That bright young man who once burned with such passion and promise had been replaced by a middle-aged zombie with a gut big enough to house Reese Witherspoon.
It would be a long road back, but I was convinced that my path to redemption had to begin with reclaiming my body. I started with the well-known diets that had produced big headlines and small waistlines. I tried them all – Atkins, The Zone, Jenny Craig, The South Beach Diet. In every case, my results were less then dramatic. So I kept searching, venturing deeper and deeper into more obscure dietary terrain.
I tried the Henry Winkler Grilled Cheese and Tomato Diet, but the melted cheese didn’t melt away the pounds. I tried Connie Chung’s “Fish Kabob Your Way to a Fabulous Body,” but couldn’t keep up the kabobing.
I ate free-range Cornish game hens raised in Santo Domino by Benedictine monks. For awhile, I lived on potato pancakes handmade by a German farmer’s wife and shipped FedEx from Frankfort. I tried eating three big meals a day, then six small ones, then, as a last resort, just one large raisin a day topped with Cool Whip. Nothing seemed to click for me, until the improbable happened.
I was standing in the magazine section at Barnes & Noble flipping through the quarterly issue of a lesser known medical journal when I saw it. There, on page 83, was a report on the results of a five-year study conducted by nutrition researchers at the Crabtree University of Medicine in Shawshank, New York. Their findings were at once shocking and inspiring.
A group of 217 chronically overweight heart patients who were fed nothing but BBQ meatloaf and Bavarian cream puffs from June of 2007 to April of 2012 had reached and maintained their target weights. What’s more, all 217 had overcome every trace of coronary heart disease and diabetes and were living lives of optimum health and well-being. Three had even won Pulitzer Prizes and two had become Supreme Court Judges, though none of them had any formal education beyond high school.
What, I wondered, could account for such an extraordinary resurgence of body, mind and spirit in people who had once been so desperate that they agreed to be guinea pigs in such a controversial experiment?
These words from lead researcher Dr. Lamont Meredith put it all in sharp focus:
“The fats found in BBQ meatloaf are considered essential fats, because our body cannot manufacture them. BBQ fats in particular are used by the body to create “signaling molecules” that when balanced with the meatloaf as a protein source and the sugar in the cream puffs as a quick source of energy, work to stabilize insulin production, accelerate the metabolism, and safely burn body fat at record rates.”
For me, it worked miracles. After only four months on The BBQ Meatloaf and Bavarian Cream Puff Diet, I’ve dropped 30 pounds, taken up kayaking, learned to play the Didgeridoo, built my own hot tub, and made the cover of Zesty Guy Magazine. Twice.
Can a diet consisting of BBQ meatloaf and Bavarian cream puffs really change someone’s life for the better you ask? I’m here to tell you: It changed mine. So get that sour taste of defeat out of your mouth and say “yes” to a yummy new way of life.
Fueled by BBQ meatloaf and Bavarian cream puffs, you’re sure to find health, happiness and a world of exciting possibilities ahead. Maybe even a seat on the Supreme Court.
I guarantee you, no one on the Connie Chung Fish Kabob diet ever made it that far.
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Alan Williamson is an award-winning writer with 27 years in the field of true fiction (advertising). A practical man who knows that writing for a living is risky going, he has taken steps to pursue a second, more stable career as a leggy super model. Alan can be reached at [email protected]. © 2013 Alan Williamson.