Wellington’s Residents Academy Program Takes You Inside Local Government
From speaking with Council to getting an up-close look at water management, adult Wellington residents can learn how their Village government works by attending Wellington’s Residents Academy! This interactive five-session program takes place at the Wellington Community Center located at 12150 Forest Hill Boulevard and begins during Florida City Government Week sponsored by the Florida League of Cities.
Session One, “Get to Know the Departments,” is scheduled for Wednesday, October 17th from 5:30 p.m. to 8 p.m. At this session, residents will break into small groups for engaging discussions with various departments ranging from Strategic Planning to the Clerk’s Office.
Session Two, “Why We Serve Our Community,” takes place on Tuesday, October 23rd from 5:30 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. Wellington’s Council members will share their experiences as municipal leaders and explain why they decided to become public servants. Residents will be able to ask questions and will have the option of attending a Council meeting following this session at 7 p.m. in the Council Chambers at Village Hall located at 12300 Forest Hill Boulevard.
Session Three, “Who Keeps Us Safe” takes place on Wednesday, November 7th from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m.Participants will be treated to live demonstrations by the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office and Palm Beach County Fire Rescue.
Session Four, “Recreation and Activities in Our Great Hometown,” is scheduled for Tuesday, November 13th from 5:30 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. and includes tours of Wellington’s parks facilities with an emphasis on the Wellington Amphitheater.
Session Five, “Public Works,” takes place on Wednesday, November 28th from 7 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. and features demonstrations, an overview of Public Works operations, utilities, engineering, and water management.
Whether you’re considering entering the government arena or you’re simply interested in learning how decisions are made, Residents Academy will give you a better understanding of the inner workings of local government. Sign up for as many sessions as you like by contacting Kristina Ciuperger, Project Manager, at (561) 753-2585 or kristinac@wellingtonfl.gov. Preregistration is required and space is limited.
For information about other Wellington programs, events, activities, and updates, please visit www.wellingtonfl.gov or watch Channel 18 for the latest happenings.
Wellington Debate’s third and fourth debate tournaments of the 2012-13 season proved to be
a continuation of the Wolverines’ success.
At the Yale Invitational in New Haven, Connecticut (September 19-21), Stephie Maravankin ranked first in her preliminary Congressional Debate chamber, advancing to the tournament’s semifinal round and securing a Tournament of Champions bid. She also earned the National Forensic League Speech and Debate Honor Society’s “Degree of Superior Distinction” by reaching the 750-point mark. She ranks second among current debaters in NFL points.
In addition, Yourui Ruan went 4-2 in JV Lincoln Douglas Debate competition, advancing to the double-octofinal round. He ended preliminary rounds as the 15th seed and the 4th-best speaker.
At the Flying L Invitational at Ft. Lauderdale High School Saturday, September 29, Leatherman earned the first place trophy in Lincoln Douglas Debate with a perfect 4-0 record, earning 117.3 of a possible 120 speaker points. In Public Forum Debate, two of Wellington’s teams went 3-1. Alexa Fortuna and Logan Weber went 3-1 and placed 11th out of more than 50 teams overall, while the team of Greg Foster and Vinnie Gasso went 3-1 and ranked 12th overall. In addition, the team of Olivia Davy and Jayleen James went 2-2 and placed 15th overall.
In her first-ever competition in Original Oratory, Madison Dalton placed eighth overall, while Reynolds placed 11th in Dramatic Performance out of more than 40 competitors.
Five Wellington debaters earned advanced NFL degrees at the Flying L Invitational. Juan Arango, Foster, Gasso and Weber all surpassed the 250-point mark, earning NFL “Degree of Distinction” recognition, while Davy earned her Degree of Honor by surpassing the 75-point plateau. Davy also earned her Wellington Debate varsity letter, which she will receive at the team’s spring banquet.
Wellington’s next tournament is Saturday, October 13 – the PBCFL @ Lake Worth HS. Wellington Debate is coached by Paul L. Gaba.
“Did you know that your oral health can offer clues about your overall health? Or that problems in your mouth can affect the rest of your body?” So says the Mayo Clinic.
In a paper called “Oral health: A window to your overall health,” the Mayo Clinic advises that all of the following physical conditions may be linked to oral and dental health:
“Endocarditis. Gum disease and dental procedures that cut your gums may allow bacteria to enter your bloodstream. If you have a weak immune system or a damaged heart valve, this can cause infection in other parts of the body — such as an infection of the inner lining of the heart (endocarditis).”
“Cardiovascular disease. Some research suggests that heart disease, clogged arteries and stroke may be linked to oral bacteria, possibly due to chronic inflammation from periodontitis — a severe form of gum disease.”
“Pregnancy and birth. Gum disease has been linked to premature birth and low birth weight.”
“Diabetes. Diabetes reduces the body’s resistance to infection — putting the gums at risk. In addition, people who have inadequate blood sugar control may develop more-frequent and severe infections of the gums and the bone that holds teeth in place, and they may lose more teeth than do people who have good blood sugar control.”
“HIV/AIDS. Oral problems, such as painful mucosal lesions, are common in people who have HIV/AIDS.”
“Osteoporosis. Osteoporosis — which causes bones to become weak and brittle — may be associated with periodontal bone loss and tooth loss.”
“Alzheimer’s disease. Tooth loss before age 35 may be a risk factor for Alzheimer’s disease.”
“Other conditions. Other conditions that may be linked to oral health include Sjogren’s syndrome — an immune system disorder — and eating disorders.”
“Keeping your mouth clean and healthy is an important part of having a healthy body,” the American College of Nurse-Midwives advises in their paper on “Oral Health: Keeping Your Mouth Clean and Healthy.”
“Over time, your teeth build up plaque and bacteria that cause irritation to the gums. These plaques can cause infection in your gums and the bones that support your teeth. This is called periodontal disease.”
“Having periodontal disease can cause other problems in your body. You have a greater chance of having a stroke, heart problems, or a heart attack if you have periodontal disease. You are more likely to have trouble controlling your blood sugar if you have diabetes and periodontal disease.”
Proper Dental and Oral Care
Further information on proper dental and oral care is provided by the following sources, among others:
MedlinePlus – Dental Health – a site operated by the National Library of Medicine, National Institutes of Health – provides links to multiple resources on dental and oral problems, diagnosis & symptoms, treatment, prevention & screening, nutrition, specific conditions, related issues, including news, tutorials, videos, games, clinical research, and more.
National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research (NIDCR) – part of the National Institutes of Health – provides information, publications, and videos on Oral Health topics. As a starting place, the site provides a quiz where you can Test Your Oral Health IQ.
HealthyMouth.org – a website of the American Dental Association provides consumer information on dental and oral care.
“Brush your teeth at least twice a day. Use toothpaste with fluoride.
Brush with a soft -bristle toothbrush so your gums are less irritated.
Change your toothbrush every 3 months.
Floss at least once a day. This keeps plaque and bacteria from building up on your teeth.
Use warm salt-water rinses if your gums hurt. Mix 1 cup of water and 1 teaspoon of salt. Swish the liquid in your mouth for 1 or 2 minutes, then spit it out.
Chew gum containing xylitol 3 or 4 times a day to kill the bacteria in your mouth.
Have your teeth cleaned and checked by a dental health professional at least once a year. This gets rid of the plaque and bacteria that can build up on your teeth and cause disease.
See a dental care provider as soon as possible if you have any of the signs that you might have a problem with your mouth.
Stop smoking and drink little or no alcohol. Both of these habits increase the chance that you will have disease of your mouth and increase your chance of having other major health problems.
Eat healthy foods.
Avoid drinking sodas and eating too many sweets.
Exercise at least 5 times a week for 30 minutes. Keep your weight healthy.”
Thank you to the Editor of HelpingYouCare.com for this article this month. The “Docs” (Dr. V, Dr. G and Heather L. of Family Medical and Wellness Center) will be back next month with their “Ask the Docs” tips!For a little more information about kids’ dental care, see this month’s “AW Spotlight” story about Dr. Haik, “The Kids Teeth Doctor” in Wellington, FL.
Courtyard Animal Hospital’s 10th Annual “Howl at the Moon” will be held Oct. 27, 2012 9am-1pm at the Wellington Dog Park. Venue includes dog costume contest, games for 2 and 4 legged family members, trick or treat goodies, refreshments, and much more.
Taking your dog to an off-leash dog park, where he can roam free and socialize with other dogs, would seem to be very beneficial for both you and your pet – you satisfy your desire for your pet to exercise, and he develops socialization skills. But there are caveats and warnings that deserve discussion.
Animals must always be accompanied by their owners, and there are a few responsibilities when taking your dog to such an environment that you must consider. A dog park is not the place to visit with your dog as a substitute for walking it. To release mental frustration, one should first walk or exercise the dog before entering the park, otherwise excited mental energy could turn into a possible fight when your dog confronts the others.
It’s been my experience that too many people make the mistake of letting their animals run free, and completely disconnect the entire time their dogs are out playing and socializing. A dog whose owner turns it loose, then turns his back, is not under control. Sitting on a bench chatting, until it’s time to go home, means that you are potentially ignoring maintaining leadership of your dog, and inviting problems.
A responsible owner will make sure that his pet is in view at all times, and will be observing the body language of the animal, to ensure the pet’s safety and fun. The animal must always be under the owner’s control, and attention must be paid to dog “body language” with the other dogs that he encounters. High-set, slow-wagging tails, or not wagging at all, or ears pinned back, are signs warning that either dog is considering a possible conflict. Be quick to intervene, as it’s never a good idea to separate a dog fight, even for those with experience.
Don’t let your dog or other dogs mount each other, as this is sign of domination, and it’s important to ensure that the dogs in the park know that the owners are the dominant ones, and not the other way around. Mounting elevates excitement and can lead to a possible conflict.
It’s not a rule at all dog parks, but I believe that it should be; all dogs entering the dog park should be neutered. This is not the place to bring an intact male, or a female in heat. These animals cause intense excited energy, and a fight is almost a sure thing.
Make sure that running dogs are not actually chasing a dog that might be a weak, submissive animal. It’s natural in the wild for dogs to eliminate dogs in the pack that are weak, but that shouldn’t be happening in the dog park. Intervention by breaking the pack up, and sending each dog away from the weak dog, is immediately necessary. The weak dog should never be picked up; this only excites the rest, and they will start jumping at you to get at the victim.
Some dogs tend to ignore the social cues and greeting procedures of the other dogs. Ignoring dog greetings like sniffing, they leap in to play, putting paws on other pets, seemingly unaware that another dog is standoffish or dislikes this type of advance. These dogs also cause problems for fearful animals, who often resort to “fear biting,” especially if they’ve been victims of an aggressive dog in the past.
The sometimes controversial “Dog Whisperer” Caesar Milan has this suggestion – “Often, the best way for a dog to learn how to behave is from another dog. Reach out to a friend or neighbor with a well-socialized dog, and ask them to join you and your dog on walks. Preferably, this dog will also have a calmer energy than your own. Take your dogs on long walks together, and allow your dog to see the correct behavior from a well-socialized dog. If you don’t have a friend or someone to reach out to with a well-socialized dog, try reaching out to local trainers or rescue groups who may be able to help.”
Another big “no no.” Small children should never be included in a trip to the dog park. Many pets accept petting and touching from strange adults, but noisy, animated kids and an unbidden approach to an appealing puppy or dog are frightening to an animal that has not been raised or socialized with little human beings. This is when bites happen, and, following a seemingly innocent attempt to pet or play, a perfectly friendly dog can become aggressive with children for life.
Now a real biggie: Dogs can’t clean up after themselves outdoors. Unfortunately, most owners don’t either. Many dog parks provide waste bags, and receptacles for disposal. If you pretend that you don’t see your puppy squatting behind a bush a few yards away, believe me, someone else does, and you will be reminded that you need to get busy. Carry a bag at all times.
A few interesting poop pick-up facts, who does, and who doesn’t?
“A survey of 1,000 people across the state by the N.C. Department of Environment and Natural Resources and East Carolina University Center for Survey Research, found that people aged 18 to 24 years and 65 years and older are most likely to report they always or often pick up pet waste. Two age groups tied for the least likely to pick up poop: 35-to 44-year-olds and 45-to 54-year-olds.
The pros and cons of public dog parks will be discussed, with
Pooch Pines
passion forever. Topics always include possible diseases and parasites that may or may not be lurking there, people who don’t pick up, if a pet is too large for a particular designated area, ad infinitum.
How will you and your dog fit into the pecking order, if you choose to go to a dog park? That can’t be predicted, but follow a few rules, enjoy, and remember that keeping your pet safe is always your job.
Miami is the place to go if you want some fun in the sun and frolicking on the beach, but it’s also full of historical places that are worthy of your attention. There are more than a dozen of these notable historical landmarks in Miami, but the one treasure that stands out foremost in the minds of many visitors and residents alike is Vizcaya Museum and Gardens.
the north Coconut Grove area, is one of the most magnificent museums in the continental United States, as it contains an extremely important collection of artwork and historic artifacts unique among such collections. Additionally, the glorious exterior of the main house was constructed with local coquina limestone, yet has the timelessness of Florence, the gaiety of the Rococo and the glory of Rome, combined in one grand design.
An interesting fact about this estate is as follows: half-brothers Charles and James Deering, sons of wealthy industrialist William Deering, with Charles’ mother being Abbey Reed Barbour and James’ mother being William’s second wife, Clara Hammond Deering, both fell in love with the tropical landscape of Southeast Florida, as many people do, as their father had a winter home in Coconut Grove. After their father’s death they both built their monumental estates in the area: Charles constructed the Deering Estate and James developed Vizcaya.
James, a member of the social elite and an antiquities collector, left a legacy that has enthralled many and will do so for generations. He developed one of the most beautiful places on earth.Consisting of 180 acres on Miami’s Biscayne Bay, the European-inspired estate included the Main House, ten acres of formal gardens, lagoons and islands to the south, and a village that had fruit groves, vegetable and flower gardens and staff residences. Today, this National Historic Landmark preserves 50 acres, 10 acres which includes the European-inspired formal gardens, and 40 acres of native hardwood hammock. The villa’s museum contains 34 rooms of distinctive architectural interiors decorated with numerous antiques, with an art and furnishing collection that spans 2,000 years.
Construction began in 1910 and James wintered there from 1916 until his death in 1925. Vizcaya is distinguished for its Italian Renaissance inspired Mediterranean Revival architecture, its huge Italian Renaissance revival gardens, and lavishly designed, detailed, and executed interior architectural elements with European, Asian, and American furnishings, art and antiquities that span two millennia. The numerous sculptures in the gardens and villa are of ancient Greek, Greco-Roman, and Italian Renaissance origins and styles that reflect James’s desire to showcase art along with the indigenous natural beauty. Vizcaya, unlike other historic house museums, contains the original antiques, furnishings and art thanks to its heirs, who allowed this to happen as long as the estate is used as a public museum in perpetuity.
Joel Hoffman, Executive Director of Vizcaya.
In 1994 Vizcaya was designated a National Historic Landmark, with an open-air courtyard and extensive gardens on Biscayne Bay and has been undergoing a restoration. Part of this renovation includes installing a glass canopy to replace the protruding glass-and-steel pyramid that covers the courtyard. The canopy will let in more natural light and will be coated to block out heat and ultraviolet radiation.
This $2.7 million project was completed as part of a $50 million renovation of the museum.Joel Hoffman, Executive Director of Vizcaya Museum and Gardens discusses this renovation of the skylight in Vizcaya’s Main House.
Marla E. Schwartz: How will the renovation of the courtyard skylight be different from its previous incarnation?
Joel Hoffman: Vizcaya was built as a winter home and, after it became a public museum, operations extended year-round. Although South Florida is known for its appealing climate, the heat, humidity, sunlight and salt air don’t exactly make for a museum-quality environment. Vizcaya’s Courtyard was first covered in the 1980s to protect the collection from destructive natural elements. At the same time, air conditioning was installed in the house, providing substantially improved conditions for our collections and those who came to see them throughout the year. Conservators recently conducted a comprehensive survey of our interior collections and the good news is that our artworks and furnishings appear to be stable. So our predecessors did a wonderful service for Vizcaya, our community and the art world at large by undertaking that project more than 25 years ago.
Vizcaya canopy rendering of what it will look like after the current renovation.
We decided it was time to replace the original skylight because it was leaking and not compliant with Miami-Dade County’s stringent hurricane requirements, put in place after Hurricane Andrew. The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) granted us $1.4 million toward this project, with the balance of funding coming from Miami-Dade County’s Building Better Communities General Obligation Bond. We also were excited about building a new skylight that would be more sympathetic to Vizcaya’s historic architecture.
While we can’t re-open the Courtyard to the exterior, we focused our redesign efforts on making the new skylight as transparent as possible. We’d like to think our visitors will feel like they’re standing outside when they’re in the Courtyard under the new skylight. We know that’s not possible beneath an enclosed structure of metal and glass. But, happily, the new skylight will be much lighter and brighter than the first thanks to technological advances. The 2012 skylight, for example, will have glass panels that are about three or four times larger and much clearer, a substantially simpler structure, and a light, off-white surface that we think will blend with the sky far better than the dark brown metal of the original skylight. These qualities should also provide better views of interesting rooftop elements from within the house.
We’re also using this opportunity to install larger, native trees and other plants in the planters that surround the Courtyard. These are based on research into the original plantings in this space and are intended to re-connect the house with the natural forest that surrounds it.
One of the most complicated aspects of this project was devising a system for protecting our architecture, artwork and visitors during construction. The protection began with the installation of plastic dust barriers around the perimeter of the Courtyard and the enclosure of vulnerable artifacts in bubble wrap and plywood. The contractor, Thornton Construction Company, then filled the Courtyard with scaffolding and suspended a plywood wall around its edge to create another layer of protection. A most important part of this structure is the platform that was built atop the scaffolding to provide a place for workers to dismantle the old skylight, repair the roof, and erect the new skylight piece-by-piece. And, yes, the summer is a challenging time to do this project, given the constant threat of rain and hurricanes. To prevent the Courtyard from filling with water, the platform was built with a waterproof membrane and drainage. The evening after the first panels of glass were removed we experienced not only intense Miami showers but also a hailstorm, and miraculously the Courtyard remained dry. After worrying for some time, I realized that evening that I might actually manage a good night’s sleep while the project was underway!
MES: In terms of the renovation, how did the Vizcaya Museum and Gardens Trust choose master planning consultant LORD Cultural Resources and Richard J. Heisenbottle Architects to advise them on the interpretation and development of Vizcaya, with the goal of advancing Vizcaya as an unparalleled heritage site?
JH: LORD Cultural Resources literally “wrote the textbook” on museum master planning. And Richard J. Heisenbottle is an eminent preservation architect with intimate knowledge of local conditions. Together they did a wonderful job of guiding the process to envision an exciting plan for uniting the east and west sides of the Vizcaya property and creating new learning opportunities for residents of and visitors to South Florida. Key to this process was the preservation and presentation of Vizcaya’s tremendous art, historical and environmental assets.
JH: My blog provides brief updates on the construction project, with snapshots of the work each week. Thankfully, the most disruptive, noisy work—the demolition of the old skylight and its concrete columns—was completed at the end of June.
MES: How does the preservation and care of Vizcaya’s historic collections and facilities actually provide enhanced educational experiences for Miami-Dade residents and visitors?
JH: Vizcaya is a rare example of a substantially intact estate from the period in American history known as the Gilded Age. Vizcaya provides insight into the early history of Miami—and I continuously muse over the impression James Deering’s seemingly “ancient” home must have made on those residing in or visiting the rather new city of Miami in the 1910s. And, now, people are shocked to learn that, while Vizcaya looks really old, it was filled with such modern conveniences as a central vacuum cleaning system and a player organ that captured the sounds of accomplished musicians about as accurately as an MP3 track today. Vizcaya is also unusual because of the care and creativity that went into its design—and the interiors reflect scholarship and audacity not seen in many other homes of the time. Americans like to think of themselves as mavericks and Vizcaya’s designer exemplified that in his comfort with combining objects and ideas from different periods and places to create a unique and highly personal ensemble. But one cannot miss the extent to which Vizcaya also combines European design with Miami’s plants and building materials, and the results are surprising and innovative. With Vizcaya now restored, the potential for enjoying its aesthetic attributes becomes greater and greater. The visual and intellectual contrast, for example, between our formal gardens and our untamed mangroves was diminished when both were compromised remnants of their original glory. When we are able to restore the remainder of the Vizcaya Village buildings and open these to the public, our capacity to tell the “upstairs/downstairs” aspects of life at Vizcaya, and in early twentieth-century America, will be dramatically enhanced.
MES: When will the Moonlight Garden Tours resume? What about Tea on the Terrace?
JH: Moonlight Garden Tours are held in the winter months so visitors can enjoy our gardens in cooler weather. These will resume in the coming winter, providing visitors a chance to see the new skylight as they grab refreshment or enjoy music in the Courtyard. Tea on the Terrace resumes in October.
MES: As an intellectual, with both a doctorate and master’s degrees in art history from Yale University and an undergraduate degree in English literature from University of Pennsylvania, you obviously have a unique perspective as how to breathe new life into Vizcaya. Therefore, can you tell me a little bit about how you first became interested in Vizcaya and what does it mean to you on a personal level?
JH: I first experienced Vizcaya when I relocated to Miami from New York in 1994, and I was thoroughly impressed by its cultural significance and its inspired combination of natural and designed beauty. After working at The Wolfsonian-FIU for several years, I left Miami to oversee educational programming at the Brooklyn Museum, because I was fascinated by that organization’s commitment to engaging the local community in the life of the museum. When the directorship of Vizcaya was advertised, I saw an unprecedented opportunity to participate in the transformation of this museum, which was recognized around the world for its cultural significance but somewhat taken for granted in Miami and appreciated most as a venue for events. To be honest, I live, sleep and breathe Vizcaya, so I’m passionate about the value of bringing back its luster, unlocking its interesting history, and helping people realize how important the estate is to our community. Every day is a stimulating challenge, whether dealing with leaky pipes, errant alligators or an interpretation project. While I feel immensely proud of the accomplishments made by my colleagues, by dedicated volunteers and donors, and by our “parent entity,” Miami-Dade County, we have a long way to go to fulfill our dreams.
Vizcaya is open daily from 9:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. except Tuesdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas Day. For more information and exact driving directions go to: vizcaya.org.
*****
A Toledo, OH native, a graduate of Kent State, Marla E. Schwartz is a Senior Writer for Miami Living Magazine, afreelance writer forLighthouse Point Magazine and the a cultural arts columnist for AroundWellington.com. Her photographs have appeared in these publications, in many Ohio periodicals, as well as in The Miami Herald, The Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel and The Palm Beach Post. She has had numerous plays published and produced around the country. Her short play, America’s Working? was produced in Los Angeles at both the First Stage and the Lone Star Ensemble theater companies, in Florida at Lynn University and at an Off-Broadway playhouse in NYC. Her piece, The Lunch Time Café, was a finalist for the Heideman Award,Actors Theatre of Louisville. Please check out the re-prints of her interviews with authors Dave Barry & Ridley Pearson and Dexter novelist Jeff Lindsay in the October 2010 issue #2 and Chris Bohjalian in the April 2011 issue #3 of Duff Brenna’sServingHouse: A Journal of Literary Arts at www.servinghousejournal.com. You can contact her at marlaschwartz@att.net.
Life today has us going in many directions and in constant state of motion. It is easy to become disconnected with yourself and the things that bring enjoyment and happiness to your life.
It’s important to find personal time for yourself. This allows you to process the things in your life and to reflect on them. Also, this provides opportunities to get back to hobbies and projects that got away from you over time as well as try something creatively expressive.
It’s a good habit to try new things out constantly and see how they affect your life. There are many programs, classes, and projects right in your community to take part in and explore. If there is something that you want to try but you don’t see it being offered, this is a great time to start it yourself and see where it takes you. The important thing is to take the first step and go and do something.
National Trend:
In a recent study, commissioned by the Wallace Foundation, the researchers found that, “People that engage in arts in a group setting develop a sense of community; identify themselves with a cast, music ensemble or choral group; and develop a sense of trust and expectations of reciprocity.”
*National Trend Statistic provided by Natural Awakenings Magazine (September 2012)
“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.”
–Pablo Picasso
Afterthought: As we take in the world around us, it’s important to keep our sense of wonder. It allows us to explore our surroundings with a creative eye. Your mind remains open to what is possible and doesn’t focus strictly on what’s logical and practical. Engaging in the arts, keeps you in tuned to yourself and what drives you. So next time you find yourself with free time on your hands, ask yourself “What could I be out creating?”
It’s hard to quantify how lousy my sense of direction is. If I had to guess, I’d venture to say that, at 55, my frequent navigational goofs have added up to a total of five solid years of my life spent completely and hopelessly lost. And that’s just while driving. If you factor in false steps on foot, you’re up to seven years or 70,000 miles, whichever comes first.
The two years squandered getting lost on foot I can live with. After all, the average adult spends two years of their life just waiting for the guy ahead of them at the post office to pick between the American flag stamps or the Legends of Boogie-Woogie stamps.
It’s the five years lost in my car that makes me melancholy. After countless misguided journeys left me older but no wiser, my wife and long-suffering co-pilot Sherry, suggested I keep a travel journal to chronicle trips of various durations, monitor driving patterns and – hopefully – learn from my mistakes.
Submitted for your amazement and pity are a couple of excerpts from that journal.
Orlando, August 2006. While driving from our hotel to a nearby attraction called Church Street Station, my wife and I become lost. What makes this unremarkable event remarkable is that once off the highway we actually see Church Street Station. In fact, we see it several times at close range as we drive from block to block. The problem is that a series of one-way streets keeps us from making the turns we want to make and soon Church Street Station disappears into the night.
Just when it appears things can’t get worse, the lighted, paved road we are on turns into an unlighted, dirt road and dead-ends abruptly at a metal gate by some rundown warehouses on the outskirts of the city. My wife, who has been uncommonly quiet for the last few minutes of our descent into oblivion, turns and says: “Is this the part where we stumble onto a drug deal going down and are bound and gagged while they take our car?” She’s such a kidder.
New Jersey, October 2009. While back in my home state for a cousin’s wedding, I decide to show my wife some of my old stomping grounds. Things go pretty well at first as I successfully find my way back to my first apartment, the office I worked at right out of college, and the state park where I use to hike. But heading back to the hotel it all unravels. It seems that some of my “old stomping grounds” were stomped on by other people in the years since I left. Their overzealous and gratuitous stomping resulted in new roads, new scenery, and more opportunities for me to get spectacularly, irreversibly lost.
Soon, we find ourselves in a gritty, bars-on-the-windows kind of town with the gas gauge almost on empty, darkness falling fast, and the sound of broken glass crunching under our tires as we stop for a red light. My wife, who has been uncommonly quiet for the last few minutes of our plunge into purgatory, turns and says: “Is this the part where we run out of gas, are taken hostage by a drifter named ‘Skunk’ and are featured in a story on Dateline entitled ‘Last Exit to Horror Cabin?’” I’m telling you, she’s such a joker.
So what have I learned about my horribly deformed sense of direction from my travel journal experiment?
I’ve learned that when I come to an intersection and confidently go left, I should have gone so far to the right it would make a conservative Republican proud. I’ve learned that when I decisively go straight ahead, I should have turned 20 miles back while there were still useful landmarks like buildings and living people. And I’ve learned that I can continue to count on being an accidental tourist paying tolls on roads I shouldn’t have been on and asking directions at gas stations, so far removed from where I’m going that the name of my destination is “a new one” on the locals.
Just last night, coming home from work, I got detoured into an unfamiliar neighborhood and lost my bearings. As I circled the same streets for the third time, I could almost hear my wife say “Is this the part where we decide to buy a home here and start life fresh instead of trying to find our way back out to the main road?”
health? Or that problems in your mouth can affect the rest of your body?” So says the Mayo Clinic.
Dog Walkin’ Wellington
either. Many dog parks provide waste bags, and receptacles for disposal. If you pretend that you don’t see your puppy squatting behind a bush a few yards away, believe me, someone else does, and you will be reminded that you need to get busy. Carry a bag at all times.
Cultural Corner
A Toledo, OH native, a graduate of 
As I Was Saying