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February, 2012 – TransMedia Group 2012

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TransMedia Group 2012

INVENTORS DISPLAY FOR FREE!

  *must register fast, deadline is approaching!

 

Calling All Inventors…Free to display! Calling All Patrons…Free to Join Us!

~Everyone must be registered!!~ (Deadline is February 7th)

THOMAS EDISON’S BIRTHDAY!! INVENTORS TO CELEBRATE THOMAS EDISON’S BIRTHDAY AT FREE INVENTION EXPO, SATURDAY, FEB. 11TH,

AT PALM BEACH COUNTY CONVENTION CENTER; EDISON’S GREAT GRAND NIECE TO BLOW OUT 165 CANDLES

 

WEST PALM BEACH, FL.–Thomas Edison’s great grand niece will take a deep breath at the FREE Invention EXPO opening for one day on Thomas Edison’s Birthday  Feb. 11  at the Palm Beach County Convention

Center http://www.pbconventioncenter.com/.  She has to blow out 165 candles. 

Sarah Miller Caldicott, the legendary inventor’s grand niece and author of “Innovate like Edison” is among an illustrious roster of speakers from 10 AM to 6 PM.  Attendees will be treated to a phantasmagoric display of remarkable inventions stretching across a wide spectrum of creativity.  Attendees also have a chance of winning a valuable door prize!

 

All inventors are invited to participate and display their inventions for free, said Leo Mazur, President of South Florida Inventors Society, organizer of the event called “Resources 2011.” 

 

According to Mazur, it’s called “Resources 2012” because it is meant to show inventors all the resources available to them and to educate them so they can become the resource that industry needs. Because he believes so strongly that independent inventors can become a driving force to our economy, he is financing this event himself.

 

For more information, go to www.inventorssociety.net or call Leo Mazur at 561-676-5677. Persons planning to attend can save time by pre-registering atwww.inventorssociety.net and click on Attendee.

Among the illustrious speakers will be:

 

     Striking Success With DRTV by A J Khubani CEO/Founder of TeleBrands one of the largest infomercial companies in the world.

     Angel Investing by Brigadier General Dr. Richard Yules who is half of the selection committee for New World Angels, an investor organization.

     Invent Yourself Rich by Don Brown inventor of the Original AbRoller among many other exercise and consumer products as well as the author of Invent Yourself Rich.

     How to Effectively Pitch Your Product by Scott Hynd of Proformance Marketing an on air personality and product scout for QVC.

    How To Get Your Products On TV by Steve Greenberg author of Gadget Nation and TV celebrity who is often seen on NBCs Today Show, Fox & Friends, as well as many other similar shows.

The Power of Invention and Innovation: 5 Timeless Insights from Thomas Edison by Sarah Miller Caldicott, Thomas Edison’s great grand niece and author of Innovative like Edison.

 

We hope to see you at our special events!

TransMedia Group is a full-service public relations firm

serving clients worldwide since 1981.

February, 2012 – A Special Night at the Good Earth Farm

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February, 2012 – A Special Night at the Good Earth Farm

A Special Night at the Good Earth Farm

 

Dear Friends, This will be a very special evening, youmagicalpony will enjoy yourselves and also be supporting The Good Earth Farm and the Magical Ponies. Call if you would like to reserve right away. This is considered a donation and is tax-deductable. Hope you can make it. See you soon, Reenie, Magical Ponies Program Director

 

A Very Special Event on Feb. 25, 6pm to 9pm

 

How does a bonfire sound, with a veggie dinner and a spooky animal tour in the dark on a cool farm – with s’mores and karaoke, lots of music and singers?

 

Tickets are available for $ 50.00 each or 4 for $180 for a savings of $20. All you have to do is call Nancy @ The Good Earth Farm and give her your credit card number to reserve your spot. This is a non-smoking event for adults only.

 

We are starting a  vegetarian dining club every other month, on the farm, and we will be featuring a guest chef who is prominant in the field of veggie cuisine. This month our first guest chef is Rita Romano, a well-known chef who started   the Hippocrates Institute Menus and has changed medicinal eating by writing a book (Dining in the Raw). Rita will be  serving dinner and signing her book for those who will be purchasing this wonderful resource for healthy eating. For those people who are thinking of eating less meat and animal products, this is a great way to get started and be blown away by the best there is.

 

So please call 561-792-2666 to make  your reservation today, we will not sell tickets at the door. All  the donations will go to the Good Earth Farm for the care of the animals, and for Magical Ponies Program, to help more children get the therapy they need. Read more about the Magical Ponies program…

The idea behind the fundraiser – This is a really unique fundraiser for our animal sanctuary and therapy for kids program (Magical Ponies). We are a natural, holistic farm, using the finest in alternative care for our animals and then in turn using the latest unique approaches to changing the behaviors of our clientele in their therapies. So it’s only natural that we promote good eating and vegetarianism as a way of life and entertainment.. good food, good music too for our fundraiser for our farm. we bring it all together with a bonfire, karaoke, a guest chef and a farm tour in the dark (with lights) to have  fun and learn how to eat right and enjoy the beautiful animals that do all the therapy… so please make it a date! Saturday night, 6pm – 50$ per person. Call today with a credit card reservation and tell me you care about animals & kids and that you are coming to have fun!  561-792-2666. Buy 4 tickets and save $20!

 

February, 2012 – I Tried To Be Normal…

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February, 2012 – I Tried To Be Normal…

I Tried to Be Normal, But it Was Taken!

Dear Friends;
 
For those of you who’d like to catch the next performance of my stand-up comedy about my crazy and fabulous family called
 
 I Tried To Be Normal but it was Taken! …
 
 Be at Harold’s cozy Coffee Cabaret on Saturday Feb 11th @ 8PM. I’m doing a free Welcome Back Snowbirds performance!
 All donations go towards my next therapy session or chocolate martini…whichever comes first:) Cheers,
Frannie Sheridan
***

itriedtobenormal-frannies

February, 2012 – Saturday Night Lights

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Wellington Elementary Invites you to Saturday Night Lights

 

Wellington Elementary School is inviting the public to join them for a fun-filled night at Saturday Night Lights hosted by the Palm Beach International Equestrian Center on Saturday, February 11th.  This event has entertainment for the whole family, such as a live band, a children’s fair with a petting zoo, street performers, face painters, and more!   There is a large variety of shopping and dining vendors as well. Several local businesses have generously donated items for a silent auction to benefit the school’s PTO. Gates open at 6:00 p.m. For more information, please contact Wellington Elementary at (561) 651-0600.

February, 2012 – Romance & Politics

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February, 2012 – Romance & Politics

February, 2012krista-joe-tree2

 

Valentine’s Day is on the horizon.  So as we write out Valentine’s Day cards with our little ones for their classmates, order flowers for our loved ones or indulge in a few extra chocolates, many of our AroundWellington.com writers are thinking along the same lines.  In “Teen Talk” by Jessica Small, she gives an excellent definition of love and what it means in “Forever and Always.”  She always strikes me as “wiser than her years!”

 

And as the Presidential election heats up with more and more negative ads, we have our own local elections to remember here in Wellington and Royal Palm Beach. Mark your calendars now for March 13th for the local elections.  I recently interviewed Felicia Matula, who is running for Mayor in Royal Palm Beach against the incumbent Mayor Matty Mattioli.  Matula has some good, new ideas about how to run the meetings and a positive attitude.  Check out her story and videos under “AW Stories of the Month.”  Note: I plan on interviewing Mayor Mattioli later this week and posting his story on the same page in the near future. 

 

Each month we feature one of the businesses among our advertiser

Ultra Cleaners, Wellington's Favorite Dry Cleaner
Ultra Cleaners, Wellington's Favorite Dry Cleaner

 list and for February we’re pleased to introduce you to Ultra Cleaners, Wellington’s Favorite Dry Cleaner. Check out “AW Spotlight” for the interview with owner Bob Salerno and to find out what makes them so good at what they do!  Also see the related “Video.”

 

I need to thank Alan Williamson of “As I Was Saying” and Wendell Abern of “Cantankerously Yours” for making me laugh out loud each month!  Alan: “People compare me to Matt Lauer. They say I’m no Matt Lauer.” And Wendell gives us several excellent examples of Hebonics, the language structure that Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at New York University, termed the unusual sentence contructions used by Jewish immigrants.  Good stuff!

 

In “Travel with Terri,” Terri Marshall takes us to “Seven Uniquely Chicago Experiences.” Whether you’re from Chicago, have visited the Windy City or would like to get there someday soon, you’ll find these hot spots and experiences good ones to add to your list of things to do. 

 

Need a few clues in how to get a thoughtful Valentine’s gift for your spouse?  In “Ask Dr. Z,” she responds to a concerned husband who feels that he cannot find the right gift for his wife for Valentine’s Day. 

 

Have you ever noticed how Wellington is not just a horse town – it’s also a dog lover’s town?  It’s something that writer Barbara Phillippi noticed and it’s one of the reasons she started writing her column “Dog Walkin’ Wellington.”  This month she visits a few barns and describes the pack of dogs, who hang out with the horses.

 

Every month you can see what night Kids Eat Free, thanks to one of our favorite Wellington moms Shawn Thompson in “Kids Corner.”  Shawn is also our friendly advertising representative, so if you’d like to give your business a good local boost in the new year, give her a call (561-386-1372). 

 

Shawn, along with Ellen Zacharia of Temple Beth Zion in Royal Palm Beach, are organizing another Coupon Swap on February 22nd.  So please RSVP (to Shawn at her number above) if you’d like to join us for another fun, money-saving experience at 7pm at Temple Beth Zion. See details on our “Press Releases” page or under “Events” on the AroundWellington.com Facebook page. 

 

So would you like to get rid of some old baggage and begin this new year the right way?  Whether it’s old relationships that are harmful, habits that are counterproductive or other issues, Bryan Hayes writes about an interesting “burning bowl” ceremony that he participated in this month in “Living Green.”

 

You want great contests?  We had 4 happy contest winners last month – both through our website and through our AroundWellington.com Facebook page.  Check our “Contest” page because we’re having great contests at least twice a month now!  THANKS to Massage Envy for providing the monthly awesome prize of a one-hour gift certificate!!

 

Once again I’ve said too much!  I tell our writers to aim for 500 words, and yep – I’ve gone further than that here.  Anyway, Happy February to you all!

 

Cheers,

 

Krista Martinelli

Editor

(561) 965-6617

editor@aroundwellington.com

www.aroundwellington.com

Around Wellington® Magazine

“Tell our advertisers you saw it in Around Wellington”

Subscribe  to Around Wellington Online for FREE

 

 

March, 2012 – Walk Now for Autism Speaks

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March, 2012 – Walk Now for Autism Speaks

2012 Palm Beach
Walk Now for Autism Speaks

And 2nd Annual Palm Beach Run Before Walk

Sunday, March 4, 2012
City Commons, West Palm Beach

 

You can participate in the school recongition program benefiting Autism Speaks. Click here for more information.

Join Autism Speaks as we walk to change the future for all who struggle with autism!

 

walknowforautismspeaksT-Shirt Contest Winner!
And the winner is…Design D!
Congratulations also to Robert H. whose Design B concept was the first runner up. Design B may be used on an alternate version of the event day tee.

For more information on the 2012 Run Before the Walk Now for Autism Speaks click HERE. To register for the run click HERE and choose either Individual or Youth Registration for Run under fees.

Walk Now for Autism Speaks is a fun-filled, family friendly event and is our single most powerful force to fund vital research that will lead us to the answers we need. Experience the power of thousands united by a single cause by joining Walk Now for Autism Speaks. Autism is the fastest-growing serious developmental disorder in the U.S. – we need more volunteers to join our fight. Whether this is your first walk or the 11th, take the first step and register today. You will not only raise funds, but you will become a part of a fun and supportive family-focused community.

Every 15 minutes, another family receives the devastating news that their child has an autism spectrum disorder. Help us change that! Start fundraising today. Whether you strive to join our “Grand Club” (walkers that raise $1,000 or more) or sell lemonade to boost your total or create your own unique event, you become a part of the solution! Don’t wait another minute – start a corporate, school or family team today!

We look forward to seeing you at the event! Click HERE to register.

Questions or Comments? Contact us at palmbeach@autismspeaks.org or (954)421-9997

Bring a bag of gently used clothes to walk! Fundraising for the Future will be collecting gently used clothes at the event. Proceeds will benefit the 2012 Palm Beach Walk Now for Autism Speaks.

Fundraising for the Future is a program created to raise money by recycling used clothing. The program has no cost to you and is simple to do. The more bags of gently used clothes the more money you get credited to your fundraising total!

What’s collected:

•New or Gently worn clothing of all ages and sizes(no stains,rips or holes)
•New or Gently worn shoes of all ages and sizes(in pairs only)
•Belts
•Handbags
•Light Linens
•Towels

 

Congratulations to Bill S. for his winning design concept. This design concept will be used on all event day tee shirts given to Walkers who raise a minimum of $150.00 at all of our Walk Now for Autism Speaks events.

Thanks to your support there were over 600 votes cast to decide the winning design.  More info…

February, 2012 – Ultra Cleaners, Wellington’s Favorite Dry Cleaner

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February, 2012 – Ultra Cleaners, Wellington’s Favorite Dry Cleaner

AW Spotlight

 

Ultra Cleaners – Wellington’s Favorite Dry Cleaner

 

By Krista Martinelli

 

At Ultra Cleaners, the staff enjoys the challenge of solving problems. “People will come in with a favorite dress with tough stains that they don’t expect us to be able to remove. And we can usually make it look brand new,” says Bob Salerno, owner. “It’s the best part of my job.”

With five locations including one in Wellington at the Pointe at

Ultra Cleaners in Wellington, FL
Ultra Cleaners in Wellington, FL

 Wellington Green, Ultra Cleaners is fully equipped to handle many different services. At the Wellington location in particular, they do all of their work on site. This allows them to turn around clothing more quickly than many other local dry cleaners.

“If you needed a shirt for a job interview the same morning,” says Bob, “We could even do it in an hour.” They have a top-of-the-line machine for pressing shirts in the Wellington store.

They also offer a loyalty program, which has been quite popular. Loyal customers get a punch card and after five visits, they get 10% off their order. After ten visits, they get 20% off their order. It’s a built-in discount program that 80% of their customers take advantage of and enjoy.

Salerno wishes that people had more of maintenance program in

Alterations available Monday thru Saturday
Alterations available Monday thru Saturday

 mind for their clothing in general. “It’s not just about coming in and bringing in clothes when they’re stained or dirty,” he says. For example, regularly bringing in men’s polo shirts to be cleaned and pressed makes a world of difference in both appearance and the longevity of the clothing. “You get a crisper, nicer appearance and better care of your clothes overall.”

Ultra Cleaners offers professional dry cleaning and same day service. They also offer many other convenient services…

 

·         Expert alterations and repairs (Monday thru Saturday)

·         Leather and suede cleaning

·         Comforters and bedding, including whole pillows

·         Shoe repair

·         Wedding gown cleaning and restoration

·         Area and Persian rug professional cleaning

 

 

Customers appreciate the staff at Ultra Cleaners. With the same staff for almost the same 6.5 years they have been in business, Ultra Cleaners makes a point of getting to know their customers and being on a first-name basis with them. Perhaps this is why they have so many loyal customers. They appreciate the small-town, friendly feel that they get when they walk into Ultra Cleaners. 

 

The in-house top-of-the-line shirt pressing machine
The in-house top-of-the-line shirt pressing machine

“When we make a mistake – because sometimes mistakes will happen,” says Salerno, “we always take the opportunity to do more than expected and build upon the relationship that we already have with the customer.” The customers clearly appreciate that too.

 

 

 

 

 

How has the economy affected the dry cleaning business?  “People are doing more with less,” explains Salerno. People are wearing their clothes more times before bringing them in for a cleaning.  However, it’s a shame, according to Salerno, since sometimes this takes a toll on the clothing.  For all businesses, including his own, he is hoping for a speedy economic recovery.

Salerno stays very active in our “Around Wellington” community by serving as an Ambassador for the Wellington Chamber of Commerce and being a member in the Wellington Rotary Club. 

He is very much a family man, married to his wife Carri and they will celebrate their 20th anniversary in May.  They have two daughters – Paige, a freshman at UCF and Jayme, a sophomore at Palm Beach Central High School.  He has grown accustomed to living in a house full of girls – “Even the dogs are girls in my house,” he says.  They have lived in Wellington for eight years, after moving here from NewUltra Cleaners York. 

If you’re looking for fast, reliable dry cleaning service with a family feel inside the shop, Ultra Cleaners by the Mall at Wellington Green (between Cold Stone Creamery and Palm Beach Puppies) is definitely the place to go. Check out their other locations as well.  Just visit their website below.

 

 

 

Ultra Cleaners

Wellington’s Favorite Dry Cleaner

The Pointe at Wellington Green

Wellington, FL 33414

(561) 753-6200

See the Ultra Cleaners ad on

AroundWellington.com for 10% OFF!

http://ultracleanerspb.com/

 

February, 2012 – The Year to Be Bold

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February, 2012 – The Year to Be Bold

bryan-hayesLiving Green

The Year to Be Bold

By Bryan Hayes

 

Where did the year go?  I cannot believe we are once again on to yet another new year, (both American and Chinese).   With this being the Chinese lunar year of the dragon, there are many dragons in our lives. 

What are some of the dragons you wish to slay?  For me, the New Year is a symbol for new beginnings.  It is a time to reflect, to gauge where I have been and where I want to go.    This pertains to all aspects of my life from personal, professional and my continued pursuit of “Going Green.” 

On New Year’s Eve, I participated in a burning bowl ceremony.  The way the ceremony works is I look at all the things that are no longer working for me.  They are possibly relationships that have run their course, or they could be practices and habits that are not in my best interest or a myriad of other things.  It is a private list that is made with positive intention and then upon completion is burned in a ceremonial bowl.   That is the first step.   The second step is writing down all the goals and aspirations that want to be accomplished in 2012.   At the end of the year, upon looking back where do you want to be?   That is the question I ask myself.

In terms of “Going Green” one of my intentions is to remember my canvas bags when I go into the grocery store.  As with many people, I do have the best intentions.  But I must confess that I get busy and leave them in the car sometimes.  And this dragon I must slay.  Until then, I turn it into a positive. 

One of my other goals is to be consistent with a budget.  When looking through my spending analysis, shopping for food is right up there.  So my work around is if I forget to bring in the bags I simply reduce the grocery list to only the items I can carry in my hands.  And I know that I could just as easily go back to the car and get the canvas bags but this way it provides me the opportunity to review what I really need versus what I want.

For me, it is a continual process and I am perpetually in pursuit of ways I can manage myself better and in doing so work towards being a better steward of the environment and the community.  Some of the items that I have found beneficial for myself, I will share with you.  They are all rather simple, so you do not need a drastic lifestyle change to put them into action.

Bottled water is a convenience that we have become accustomed to, but reducing the bottled water consumed is just one way to reduce the amount of plastic used.  Since we are on the topic of water, you can switch your washing machine from hot water to cold water and use less energy.  A way to save water is to run a fully-loaded dishwasher, instead of washing dishes by hand (unless you use only a very small amount of dishes) and when drying the dishes have them air-dried rather than heat dried.  And, for a non-water tip, check the air pressure in your tires.  Improperly inflated tires decrease your gas mileage, and with gas prices as they are – every little bit can help.

Little changes can and do make a difference.  This is the year of the dragon and the year to be bold.  My bold prediction is that this is going to be a great one, and my hope for you is that you are off to a green new year!

Bryan Hayes is an actor, amateur photographer, business consultant and full-time lover of all things living.  He will be co-hosting a new show “Greenology 101.”

February, 2012 – Financial Advice for Married Couples

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Financial Advice for Married Couples

By Vanessa Stolarski

Marriage injects us with a reality for which we might be unprepared. “What?! My partner’s maxed-out Visa is now my problem?” Yes, you married a loving partner who shares your passion for geocaching, but you also married his college loans, credit card debt and overspending habits. Granted, it’s not your idea of pillow talk, but getting intimate is about more than buying sexy lingerie. It means baring your accordion files and laying down your statements to reveal all your dirty debt. Cozy up to the idea that a little post-nuptial planning and a ton of honesty can help cast aside some newlywed nuisances.

The Naked Truth

A credit check for a mortgage application will reveal your financial past anyway, so you might as well bare yourself and talk about your debt ahead of time. Sit down with your partner before entering into any major investments and itemize your expenses. Additionally, be direct about where your priorities lie in terms of savings. Being honest about your financial goals from the start will prevent embarrassment later.

Reveal Details

Get down to the nitty-gritty and ask yourself: Do I really believe I can keep my designer jeans habit a secret till death do us part? Probably not. So you better start revealing the dirty details of your spending habits now. For better or worse.

Get Insured

Budgeting for groceries and mortgage payments is a no-brainer. But newlywed financing tends to devalue items like retirement funds, life insurance and savings. Sure, it’s hard to imagine canasta and shuffleboard games now, but global investment management firm T. Rowe Price insists it’s never too early to start saving. Life insurance protects your loved ones’ financial security in the event of your passing. Savings allowances protect against suffering life’s surprises — from the catastrophic, like employment layoffs, to the inconvenient, like engine failure.

Plan for the Long-Term

Once you account for your total monthly bills and budget, you both should discuss your investment options. Your financial institution can assist, but Forbes recommends doing your own research. Discover the investment options that offer the greatest return for your long-term plans, and you can both cozy up to a long life of financial security. More . . .

Vanessa Stolarski spent 12 years in publishing and 15 years in the restaurant business. She has served as food and wine editor for a newspaper in Washington, D.C., managing editor for “Northern Virginia” magazine and contributing writer for regional and parenting magazines. She has won multiple Virginia Press Awards. She works with sustainable farms to promote consumer awareness and has extensive expertise in infant-toddler nutrition.

February, 2012 – Stray Thoughts: The Facebook Postings, Vol. II

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February, 2012 – Stray Thoughts: The Facebook Postings, Vol. II

Alan WilliamsonAs I Was Saying

 

Stray Thoughts: The Facebook Postings, Vol. II

 

By Alan Williamson

 

Occasionally someone will come up to me and say, “Alan, why don’t you gather some of your more thoughtful Facebook postings and present them in a column for people to enjoy over a cinnamon bun or some flatbread crackers?” My response is always the same: “Thanks, Mom, that’s very sweet of you, and you have some flatbread cracker on your chin.” Here then, without any further preamble, is my second collection of Facebook postings. Enjoy with a sensible snack and a beverage of your choosing.

 

*       People say that swimming in a lake where there’s alligators is dangerous. But I say driving a car is much more dangerous. Especially if there’s an alligator hiding in the backseat.

 

*       A good laugh significantly decreases the stress chemicals cortisol and epinephrine say researchers at Loma Linda University.

 Wait . . . Loma Linda? BWA-HA-HA-HA!! (Hey it worked.)

 

*       Is the phrase “vicious cycle” or “vicious circle”? Either way, the viciousness must stop before another cycle (or circle) takes us from bad to worse. Is it “bad to worse” or “bad to worst”? You know what? Forget I even asked. This is starting to feel like a vicious circle (or cycle).

 

*       BOB – such a strange name. It’s spelled the same forward and backward and when you say it a bunch of times in a row it sounds weirder and weirder.

 

*        Soft and monotonous favorites to numb your nagging fears and doubts: You’re listening to Breezy 93.

 

*       Mahi Mahi? Sure, sure.

 

*       Who am I to ask you to quit smoking? I’m the guy who taught Tina Turner how to dance. I’m also the guy who led the National League in triples back in 1986 while playing for the Chicago White Sox. And while we’re on the subject, I’m also the guy who invented the double zipper zip lock freezer bag. So there you have it. Feeling pretty stupid about now aren’t you, tar breath?

 

*       People compare me to Matt Lauer. They say I’m no Matt Lauer.

 

*       Dear TV Answer Man: My wife and I used to enjoy a show Thursday nights on NBC called “Steinfeld” or “Seinholdt.” It featured a wacky neighbor named Cosmo and a fat guy named Newman. I believe there was also a nasally guy named Jerry. We have not seen it in quite awhile and wondered if it’s been canceled.

 

*       My podiatrist has forbidden me to run or work out until my foot heals. Also forbidden: pretending my foot has healed so I can run or work out.

 

*       Hanging with the Duke of Puddingcrust and the Countess of Chillingsfarth at Prince Harry’s after-party. Hope my regrettable behavior during a spirited game of Strip Royal Rummy will not become fodder for the tabloids.

 

*       Easy, tranquilizing favorites to quell the crazy, self-tormenting talk in your head: You’re listening to Breezy 93.

 

*        If the day ever comes where I’m sought after for product endorsements, I’d be thrilled to pitch trail mix. Also, shirts made with a blend of natural fabrics that can wick away moisture. Also, anything garlic-roasted.

 

*       March comes in like a lion, goes out like a lamb, and in between features deep discounts on ham.

 

*       Who am I to ask you to quit smoking? I’m the guy who asks people things, like “what’s your middle name?” and “where do you get your sunglasses?” and “how often do you change your oil?” and “will you quit smoking?” That’s who I am.

 

*       Melancholy cow, your moo is moody now. This farm can be so hurtful, always looking for a squirtful. (From the title song off my new country music CD “Melancholy Cow.”)

 

*       A Pompano Beach, Florida man claims he’s owed money as the creator of the sporting event rallying cry “DA-DA-DA-DAT-DA-DA — CHARGE!!” Welcome to the club buddy. I’ve yet to collect a dime for my “WINNER WINNER STIR-FRY DINNER!!”

 

*       My birth certificate is available upon request. This notion that I was raised by wolves in the Ukrane is an insult to me and my parents. Aw-aw-awwooooooo!!!!

 

*       Will everyone named Terry or Jan please report to the Department of Gender Vague Identities. Ask for Pat.

 

*       Yesterday I ate Greek yogurt that was 4 days past its expiration date; today a hard boiled egg 3 days past due. That’s right people – from now on I make my own rules! Anyone got a problem with that?

 

*       Here’s a short excerpt from my new book, Killer Jellyfish of the Jersey Shore: “Aaaaiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!”

 

*       Who am I to ask you to quit smoking? Well for one thing, I’m a live and let live kind of guy. So if I’m asking you to quit smoking, you know it must be important. Otherwise, I’d just continue with my live and let live shtick. See where I’m coming from? I don’t usually butt in. It’s not my style. Are we done here? I’m pretty sure we’re done here.

 

Alan Williamson is an award-winning writer with 27 years in the field of true fiction (advertising). A practical man who knows that writing for a living is risky going, he has taken steps to pursue a second, more stable career as a leggy super model. Alan can be reached at alwilly@bellsouth.net.  © 2011 Alan Williamson.

 

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