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January, 2012 – Wellington Classic Dressage & Food Truck Frenzy

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Wellington Classic Dressage I & Food Truck Frenzy

 

WHEN:  Saturday, January 7th & Sunday, January 8th –  8:30a.m. until 5:30p.m.

WHERE: Palm Beach County Jim Brandon Equestrian Center
                  7500 Forest Hill Blvd.  West Palm Beach, FL

COST:   FREE….FREE…FREE!!

 

Looking for something FREE and different to do this weekend?

 

The Palms West Community Foundation is pleased to partner with Wellington Classic Dressage for their first competition of the 2012 Challenge Series.  This qualifying competition will be held at the Palm Beach County Jim Brandon Equestrian Center, located at 7500 Forest Hill Blvd. in West Palm Beach, FL.  The competition will be held on Saturday, January 7th and Sunday, January 8th from 8:30a.m. until 5:30p.m. on both days, and the equestrian event is FREE to spectators!

As an added attraction, we are featuring a “FOOD TRUCK FRENZY” on both days of the competition.  7 gourmet food trucks are scheduled to be there for the spectators to enjoy!    All of the food trucks chosen for this event are top-notch gourmet, with many classically trained chefs on premises.  Enjoy cuisine from PS561 Hotdogs to Dolce Gourmet Cupcakes to Stocked N’ Loaded to Curbside Gourmet to 4 Alarm Pizza and more—just pay as you go for the food that you choose!

Join us this weekend for a unique equestrian event at the Wellington Classic Dressage Challenge I, and a unique selection of gourmet delights to choose from at the Food Truck Frenzy!

Please CLICK HERE for more information.

January, 2012 – Remembering Haiti Walkathon

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The Haitian American Tree Trust Presents

Remembering Haiti Walkathon

 In memory of the 300,000 who died in the Earthquake

Saturday, January 14, 2012 (Rain or Shine)

7:00 AM- 12:00 PM    Lake Worth Florida

 

The Haitian American Tree Trust (HATT) will be sponsoring its First Annual Walkathon in memory of the 300,000 who died in the 7.0 Haitian Earthquake.  5000 participants will march from Lake Worth City Hall to the Beach.  The Walk is expected to raise the funds that will enable the planting of 300,000 Fruit Trees throughout Haiti, one for each person who died.  This is part of a major reforesting effort in Haiti.

 

The Walkathon will take place on Saturday, January 14, 2012.  Registration begins at 824 Lake Avenue at 7:00 AM.  Sponsorship fees are $10 for a walker who will receive entry and a Tee Shirt, and $20 for a Tee Shirt with sponsor’s company logo on the back.  Sponsors should make checks payable to HATT Foundation, 824 Lake Avenue, Suite A, Lake Worth FL 33460.  All donations are tax deductible.

 

In addition to the reforesting of Haiti, the funds HATT raises will provide clean water to the citizens of Haiti.  This will be done by building sustainable ponds throughout the nine departments in Haiti. The hope is to completely eliminate the dread disease of Cholera and provide all families with clean water. These ponds will feed into many cities and villages around the departments.   

Please show your support to save many, many lives in Haiti.

 

For additional information contact HATT (Haitian American Tree Trust) – 855-968-4288, 561-598-3864 or go to website: www.HaitianAmericanTreeTrust.org.  HATT is a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization and all contributions are tax-deductible.

January, 2012 – Dr. Bruce Martin on the Radio

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20 Years on Radio Earns Dr. Bruce Martin Platinum Anniversary

 

             Boca Raton, Florida—(January 2, 2012)—Few radiobruce-brad-in-studio personalities can celebrate 20 consecutive years on the air, but local cardiologist Dr. Bruce Martin will do just that on February 5, 2012. The live hour talk show, “The Sunday Morning Medical Hour,” designed to allow listeners to ask questions of a physician in the comfort of their own home, airs on Sunday mornings from 11:00 a.m.-12:00 p.m. on WWNN, AM-1470. 

 

“When I first moved to Florida, I wanted to develop a way of having an educational format in which people could learn about medicine in a relaxed atmosphere, outside a medical office. A radio host asked me to be on to his show and I liked being on the air. It was an engaging way to educate the public. I’ve been a radio host ever since,” said Martin, who currently shares hosting responsibilities with his medical partner and fellow cardiologist Dr. Bradley Artel.

 

Most people call about cardiology problems, but Martin also fields calls on all medical subjects. Sometimes it’s a current news item, or a caller will pose symptoms of an ailment and Martin will advise him or her of different possible diagnoses.

 

“During the 20 years I have been on the air, I have covered all kinds of topics, and don’t shy away from any of them. This radio program provides listeners the opportunity to ask difficult questions and get straight answers. It also allows us to educate our listeners on important medical topics or misconceptions,” stated Martin.

 

Listeners can hear the live broadcast via radio on WWNN, AM 1470 or on the internet at www.wwnnradio.com. To ask questions, listeners can call into the station during the program at (888) 565-1470.

 

For more information, please contact Dr. Bruce Martin at his office at (561) 499-9990.

 

 

About Boca Delray Cardiology Center

 

Dr. Bruce Martin is CEO of Boca Delray Cardiology Center, 5130 Linton Boulevard, Suite A2, Delray Beach, Florida 33484. Boca Delray Cardiology Center is a state-of-the-art medical/cardiology practice that has been caring for patients in the Boca Raton/Delray Beach area for over 20 years. The office is a 3,200 square foot facility offering advanced testing modalities that allow the physicians to diagnose and treat all aspects of heart disease.

January, 2012 – Silver Science Days at the South Florida Science Museum

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Silver Science Days at the South Florida Science Museum – Wednesday, January 11 from 2 to 5 p.m.

 

The South Florida Science Museum is rolling out the red carpet for adults and retirees on Wednesday January 11, 2012!  Come enjoy an afternoon of fun and learning as you explore our many exhibits including our extensive aquarium, space artifacts, brain teasers and much more!  We will also have a special presentation from the West Palm Beach Amateur Radio Club.  Come see their new HAM Radio station located inside the museum and learn about the science of communication, then & now!

 

Admission is only $5.00 for adults 62+, and all guests will receive admission to the Museum, (1) ticket to a show in our planetarium, refreshments and admission to the HAM Radio presentation/lab.

 

A variety of activities will be offered and guests are welcome to attend any or all of the options. 

January, 2012 – Happy, Healthy New Year!

January, 2012pb110064  

 

Dear Readers,

 

Happy New Year!  Wishing you happiness and good health in the coming year!!

 

We have many good ideas and tips for New Year’s Resolutions, as usual, this January. I really enjoyed Melanie Lewis’ “Mommy Moments,” in which she focuses on the positive for your New Year’s Resolutions. It’s about celebrating what is right and what is working in your life.

 

Speaking of inspirational, don’t miss our new columnist D. Gatekeeper with his “Dare to Dream” monthly article. This month he focuses on the “Starz of the Future” program at the South Florida Fair. Last month, btw, he wrote about a fundraiser for an amazing 15-year-old boy named Pierson Gossett. You can find out more about the January 12th fundraiser at Madison Green Golf Club by reading his December article or purchase tickets by calling Patti at (561) 248-3142.

 

We’ve had a “passing of the torch” for our “Teen Talk” article, as we welcome Jessica Small this month and thank Stephanie Courtois for her past articles.  Thanks, Jessica, for your really helpful advice this month and making New Year’s goals come true. And thanks to you for your continuing terrific help with AroundWellington.com as our intern.

 

Another talented teen, also from Wellington High School (as Jessica and Stephanie are), is Danny Smith, who took a turn at writing our “Cultural Corner” article this month. He writes about The 8th Annual Palm Beach Poetry Festival (to be held January 16-21) in Delray Beach.  His preview of the Festival includes an interview with poet Thomas Lux.

 

Did you know that 88% of people make resolutions related to “Health & Fitness?”  So it’s only fitting that Cheryl Alker gives us tips on how to make it happen in 2012 in “Keeping Your New Year’s Resolutions.” Really great tips on how to fight fat and stay fit all year long!

 

I truly enjoyed interviewing Waleska Sanchez of LadyBugs of Wellington for our “AW Spotlight” story this month. Wali knows howThe Sanchez Family. Photo by Lois Spatz. to turn a kids’ consignment store into an impeccably-clean, boutique-style shop. So at LadyBugs, you have the best of both worlds – cute clothing (including kids, teens and maternity), as well as other items like toys, in excellent condition – all at a fraction of the cost you would find in an upscale boutique store.  Don’t miss her introduction Video to the store.  

 

Don’t forget to enter our contest, between January 1st – 10th, for the hour massage gift certificate at Massage Envy in Royal Palm Beach.  What a great way to start out the new year…with a relaxing message! BTW, if you ever have trouble finding that hidden “AW Contest” inside one of the ads, you can call me (as some of you have done in the past) and we can troubleshoot it.

 

Here’s our Table of Contents for all of the terrific articles that you will find this month! THANKS to our writers and photographers for keeping us posted on what’s happening Around Wellington. Thanks to all of you who send us your event information too, so we always have a handle on what’s going on!

 

THANK YOU and see you “Around Wellington!”

 

Krista Martinelli

Editor

January, 2012 – LadyBugs Boutique of Wellington

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AW Spotlight

 

LadyBugs Boutique of Wellington

 

Bargain Prices in a Boutique Setting

 

By Krista Martinelli

 

Have you ever wanted to shop in one of those adorable children’s boutiques, but found that you were afraid you wouldn’t be able to afford the prices of the carefully- folded little items inside?  Welcome to LadyBugs Boutique of Wellington!  It truly looks like an upscale children’s boutique.  “I love when customers walk in and reach the back of the store before they figure out it’s a consignment store,” says owner Waleska (Wali) Sanchez.  Yes, that’s right — LadyBugs Boutique is an upscale consignment store which recently opened their doors in the heart of Wellington.

 

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LadyBugs Boutique of Wellington

 

For every item that comes through the doors of this adorable consignment shop, a customer would have paid as much as 60% more at a retail or outlet store. “These are terrific bargains that our local moms and dads are getting,” says Wali. “And that’s an awesome feeling – knowing people can come in here and stock up on about 15 items and pay only $50. It’s really what motivates us to provide these products for customers.”

 

As Courtney, the President of the Wellington Mom’s Club says, “It’s by far the best…so cute, so adorable!” It’s located in The Courtyard Shops of Wellington, right next to The Tutoring Club of Wellington, at 13860 Wellington Trace, Suite #5.  A key to LadyBugs’ success has been the chic and modern shopping experience they provide in a fun and inviting boutique-style shop. You will not find overstocked merchandise or messy shelves.

 

How do they manage to keep LadyBugs so uncluttered and so beautiful on the inside?  Wali reports that she turns away about 50% of the items that people bring in for consignment and has strict policies about the condition of clothing and other items. “We’re not the biggest around. Instead we keep it under control at this size, uncluttered. We give phenomenal one-on-one service to each customer,” she says. Wali, her husband and her 17-year-old son Danny are all very friendly and happy to help customers find exactly what they want.

 

“I don’t advertise much other than AroundWellington.com,” says Wali.

Valentina models the LadyBugs clothing and trys out a comfy chair, also for sale.
Valentina models the LadyBugs clothing and trys out a comfy chair, also for sale.

 As a sidenote, her 7-year-old daughter Sofia writes a monthly recipe for kids for AroundWellington.com called “Sofia’s Yummy Treats.” She relies most heavily on word-of-mouth and AroundWellington.com to get her message out, as well as their own LadyBugs Boutique of Wellington Facebook page and text messages to regular customers’ cell phones (sign up at the store for these).

 

You can find all sorts of merchandise at LadyBugs, including: children’s clothing, maternity clothing, maternity accessories, items ranging from newborns to teens, quality toys, room décor and more. “We are passionate about providing quality clothing,” says Wali. She points out that you could buy a new $30 shirt at Macy’s for your child (and it will be worth almost nothing as soon as it’s worn for the first time).  Or you can buy multiple items at LadyBugs for that same price.

 

img_1770b“For me personally, it’s all about the clothes,” she says. “I can sell you a trendy Janie & Jack item that costs $70 retail for just $20.”

 

As for toys, they focus on those unique, hard-to-find items including the durable, wooden Melissa & Dog toys, Leap Frog products, the V-Tech learning toys and other unusual items. “I clean everything that walks in the door – first with a Clorox wipe and then thoroughly again,” says Wali. “I have found an outlet for my OCD now!” she laughs.  “However, I have to admit our clients are extremely good about preparing their items before they are brought in for consignment,” she says.  Electronic toys brought in for consignment must have batteries. 

 

When Wali Sanchez opened the store in August of 2011 at the Courtyard Shops of Wellington, she took a leap of faith. “I had no retail experience, only people experience from my background in legal,” she says. “I’m still learning every day.” Wali did a lot of research about the consignment business, finding that it’s a 15 billion dollar business and growing steadily. “In consignment, it’s all about finding a great location and providing great customer service and quality products.”

 

“Ask me how I can help you get a new wardrobe for free,” says Wali. She loves the idea of helping people to consign their old items and use that income to buy a new wardrobe or other necessary items.

 

Selling on consignment at LadyBugs Boutique is a bit different than at your average consignment shop. At other shops, after 90 days it’s usually “return or donate,” says Wali. “Here we are so selective about the items we do accept that items stay on sale for as long as it takes to sell.” And 40% goes to the consigner. For select furniture and baby gear, that profit is 50%. LadyBugs pays its consigners once a month. Another option is getting store credit, which allows you to get 20% more on top of your balance.

 

LadyBugs Boutique of Wellington is open for business seven days a week.  Monday thru Friday from 10am to 6pm. Saturday from 10am to 5pm. Sunday from Noon to 5pm. They have 50% off sales on a regular basis and stay open later hours for these events. “I send a text message or an email to our customers a couple of days ahead of time, so they can plan ahead,” says Wali. Stop by or call LadyBugs (561) 790-7990 to get on their list.

 

What do customers say they like best about LadyBugs? They like the organized, clutter-free shop that smells good and is inviting. Most of all, they are happy about the level of customer service. “We have neighbors telling neighbors about LadyBugs,” says Wali. She explains that in a small village like Wellington, there’s a personalized level of service that people still enjoy and it’s not something you will find, for example, at a mall.

 

The Sanchez Family. Photo by Lois Spatz.LadyBugs is a family-run business. Most likely you will see Wali, her mother-in-law Maria, or one of their three kids when you shop there. Wali and Ricardo are the proud parents of three – 17-year-old Daniel, 7-year-old Sofia and 2-year-old Valentina.  The older two siblings help out quite a bit around the store. The youngest one is at the store almost everyday during the week, usually busy testing out the toys or modeling the clothes (as pictured above). 

If you buy a gift at LadyBugs, you can also add gift-wrapping – and they do a beautiful job. The label on the gift will say “LadyBugs Boutique of Wellington,” which always sounds nice on a gift item.

 

LadyBugs Boutique of Wellington is the place to go – if you’re looking for great bargains on children’s, teen or maternity clothing or other related items! You can also call ahead to find out if they have a particular size or item, seven days a week.

 

 

 

 

LadyBugs Boutique of Wellington

Upscale Boutique

Maternity, Teen’s & Children’s Consignment

The Courtyard Shops

13860 Wellington Trace, #5

Wellington, FL 33414

(561) 790-7990

www.LadyBugsofWellington.com

 

January, 2012 – Hot Cocoa

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Sofia’s Yummy Treats

By Sofia I. Sanchez

Sofia with little sister Valentina
Sofia with little sister Valentina

 

 

Objective: To share quick recipes kids can make on their own with little to no adult supervision.

 

Requirements: A positive attitude, a desire to learn, and a HEALTHY appetite!

 

January, 2012 – Hot Cocoa

 

 

Happy New Year to all the COOL KIDS and Parents of AroundWellington.com!

 

One of my favorite things about the cold weather is preparing a nice cup of Hot Cocoa for my sister and me.  There are many ways to prepare a delicious cup of Hot Cocoa.  This is how my Abuela Maria taught me!

 

Ingredients:

  • 1/2 cup instant nonfat dry milk – any brand  
  • 1 to 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
  • 1 1/2 tablespoons Nestle Toll House Baking Cocoa 
  • 1 cup boiling water
  • Whipped cream or miniature marshmallows

Directions:

Combine dry milk, sugar and cocoa in mug or cup; stir in boiling water with the help of an adult. Garnish with whipped cream or miniature marshmallows before serving.
You can also add ground cinnamon to dry ingredients and stir in 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract or use miniature rainbow marshmallows to add color and flavor for fun!  Sometimes I add whipped creams AND marshmallows.  HOT cocoa makes a great snack with graham crackers or doughnuts on day when it’s NOT! 

Sofia I. Sanchez is seven years old. She aspires to be a future baker and bakery owner. She loves baking and cooking in her kitchen at home and invites other kids to do the same.

 

 

January, 2012 – Starz of the Future Shining Bright

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Dare To Dream

Starz Of The Future Talent Show Continues To Shine Bright

By D. Gatekeeper

Hello Dreamers!

This month’s story brings us to West Palm Beach, FL. It’s that time of year for games, rides, and the ever popular fair food. All these things add up to one exciting event. The South Florida Fair will be in town this month (from Jan. 13 – 29). The fair always brings many exhibits and attractions to interact with and behold. A crowd favorite is the Starz of the Future talent show. The show is in its 12th year of production and has become a great outlet for local upcoming talent.

Maggi Rosenberg is responsible for bringing this dynamic show to the stage each year. Her production company, SORentertainment, Inc., is a full-service concert and special event production company offering a full range of services from creative concepts, marketing and promotion to staging, lighting, sound, and entertainment. Rosenberg has over 25 years in the entertainment and theatrical industry. She is an award-winning writer and director.

I had the pleasure to attend a past show and I must say I was pleasantly surprised. The diversity of the performers was great, and there seems to be something for everyone in the viewing audience. Another aspect I came to learn about the show was the possibilities that are available to the performers once the show is completed. Rosenberg is able to place performers in some of her many developing and ongoing projects. This is a great opportunity for performers to perfect their craft and learn about the industry from the inside.

Starz of the Future continues to provide performers with an outlet to live out their dreams of performing and beyond. For more information, please contact Maggi Rosenberg at (561) 389-7892 or mailto:events@SORentertainment.com.

Afterthought:  It’s important to stay in tune with what’s going on locally so you can be aware of opportunities as they come up. These could quite possibly turn out to be the building blocks toward achieving your dream.  It doesn’t take much to get going in the right the direction. The most important thing is to just get started.

We are always looking to profile people making a difference and making dreams come true for themselves and others. Please submit stories (for possible use) to stories@stateofdreams.com.

D. Gatekeeper is the curator of the blog State of Dreams. State of Dreams explores the universe of dreams and the power they contain. Through them we can imagine and create. State of Dreams will premiere in the Spring of 2012. D. Gatekeeper can be reached at dgatekeeper@stateofdreams.com.  © 2011 State of Dreams.

 

January, 2012 – Celebrating Life: Susan G. Komen’s Race for the Cure

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travel-with-terriTravel with Terri

Celebrating Life:  Susan G. Komen’s Race for the Cure

By Terri Marshall, Photos by Jennifer Acocella

 

On September 24, 2011, the weather in Chicago was chilly and damp.  Despite the gloomy weather, the spirit of Carolyn Marshall was anything but damp as she crossed the finish line of the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 5K Walk hand-in-hand with her three year old great-granddaughter Katherine.  At 70 years old, Carolyn was celebrating a milestone birthday but more importantly her 25th year being breast cancer free.

original4
The "original" 4 Marshall's - Sam (Daddy), Wade, me and Carolyn (Mama)!

 

 

 

 

There was a day 25 years earlier when Carolyn could not focus on the possibility of crossing a finish line with her great-granddaughter.  That was the day she was told it was an 80% certainty that the lump she had discovered in her breast was malignant.  Surgery was to be scheduled within the next four or five days to remove the lump for testing.  Carolyn had a decision to make – the surgeon could test the lump and wake her to decide if a mastectomy was necessary or she could decide in advance.  She wanted the cancer out as quickly as possible so her decision was for the doctor to keep her under anesthesia and remove her breast if he found cancer.  She was told the procedure would take approximately 1 hour and 30 minutes if the mastectomy was not necessary and approximately three hours otherwise.   As soon as she woke up, Carolyn looked at the clock and knew from the time stated that her breast was gone. 

 

Over the next few days she listened as the doctors discussed the radiation treatments and options she was facing – feeling all along that this could not be happening to her.  Surely they were speaking about someone else.   A determined and especially strong woman, Carolyn succumbed to only one full day of tears.  She woke the next morning emotionally drained with a pounding headache.  She looked at herself in the mirror and said “this is not going to bring back my breast.”  It was at that point when she decided to accept her fate, appreciate that she was still alive and begin the road to recovery.  Carolyn was fortunate.  The cancer never returned.

 

Carolyn is my mother – or “Mama” as we Southerners say!  We have been so very blessed to have her with us for these additional 25 years and hopefully many more to come.  She has been married to her teenage sweetheart, Sam (a/k/a “Daddy”), for 54 years.  When she was diagnosed with breast cancer at 45, I was only 26.  A young mother with two children, Chris and Jennifer, I could not imagine facing the rest of my life without my mother.  Chris and Jennifer are now 31 and 29.  Chris is married to Ashley and they have two precious children – Katherine and Marshall.  Jennifer is married to TJ and they have one precious baby – Benjamin.  My boyfriend, Greg, was also there to participate and support our family in this special celebration.  My brother, Wade and his partner, Eric, hosted our Chicago weekend and were the inspiration for this event.  Unfortunately, Eric’s mother had a much different breast cancer story.

 

 

 

group
The entire group (including extended family) at the Finish Line

 

Judy Wagner found a lump in her breast when she was in her early 40’s through self-examination.  She had a lumpectomy followed by radiation and chemotherapy.  She had a clean bill of health for the next 4.5 years and then became sick with pneumonia like symptoms in late 1997.  At that time the doctors discovered that Judy’s original cancer had metastasized to her lungs.  Over the next three years the cancer spread from her lungs to her bones, liver and then finally her brain.  Judy fought the disease with everything she could.  She knew she might not win the fight and made the most of the time she had available to her by traveling, volunteering and spending precious moments with her family.  Judy Wagner passed away in August 2000.

 

 

Wade and Eric have been together since 2004.  In 2005, Wade joined Eric and his three siblings on the Susan G. Komen Walk in Kansas City marking the fifth anniversary of Judy’s passing.  Wade and Eric have continued walking in Judy’s memory and in Carolyn’s honor each year in Chicago.  This year Eric’s father, Lew, joined our family in Chicago for the walk.  Judy’s sister, Becky, and her daughter, Virginia, also participated along with family friend, Haley.  Our extended family and friends experienced a wealth of emotions on that bittersweet day.  There was laughter, but there were also tears. 

breastcancer-signs
Breast Cancer Signs

 

 

 

 

It is truly wonderful to be able to celebrate life, birthdays, cancer survival, grandchildren and great-grandchildren – but we must never forget that for each survivor story there is a story of someone who left behind a family who misses her (or him) everyday.  Never forget and never give-up the fight. 

 

A special thank you to Keith Karner for organizing the American Airlines team that “Team Carolyn” joined and for the beautiful pink basket filled with “Team Carolyn” water bottles, chocolate bars and a journal.  For more information on the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure visit http://www.komen.org

 

Terri is a freelance writer with regular columns on travel, chocolate and bar reviews. She is busy each month visiting new places to bring unique travel destinations and events to you. Yes, it is a sacrifice – but she is willing to do that for her readers! You can see more of Terri’s writing at www.examiner.com where she is the National Chocolate Examiner and at www.barzz.net. You can contact Terri at terri.marshall60@gmail.com.

 

 

 

 

January, 2012 – Worried to Wed in the New Year

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laura-ziprisWorried to Wed in the New Year

January, 2012

By Laura Zipris, Psy. D., LMHC

 

Dear Dr. Z.,

My fiancé and I are planning on getting married in early 2012.  We have been together for 3 years and we definitely love each other.  However, I worry sometimes that we might not make it as a couple in the long run because we fight too much.  Our fighting can get pretty ugly sometimes, with name calling and yelling.   There are never any physical fights but sometimes we say things we don’t mean and our words can be so hurtful.   When things get heated between us, my fiancé tends to just shut down and ignore me.  I am left screaming at a wall and then we don’t talk for days.   I want our relationship to be solid but I know we need to change our ways in order for that to happen.  So, being that it is a New Year and we are approaching a new marriage, do you have advice on how we can strengthen our relationship?

Signed,

Worried to Wed

 

Dear Worried to Wed,

You are absolutely correct that things have to change before you and your fiancé choose to tie the knot.   Fighting, in and of itself is not the problem though, as it is a natural and healthy part of any intimate relationship.  It is the way that you two are fighting that is so damaging to your relationship and may, if not corrected, become the demise of your future marriage.

John Gottman, Psy.D., a famous marriage researcher, outlined important discriminators between what he terms as “master couples” and “disaster couples.”  He found that successfully married couples approach their problems using a soft start up, they learn to make and receive repair attempts, they soothe themselves and each other, they compromise with one another and they are tolerant of each other’s faults.   He also found that they evidence a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative exchanges.  That is, for every negative exchange, masters have at least five positive exchanges between them that counterbalance it.

Gottman indicated that couples who are headed toward divorce demonstrate harsh start ups to their discussions.  They also evidence criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling in their fights, with contempt being shown to be the most damaging to relationships.  It sounds to me that you are certainly evidencing at least two of these predictors in your relationship:  1) you are critical of one another (i.e. use character assassinations like name calling versus simply complaining about specific behaviors) and 2) your partner is stonewalling.  

Conflict is truly an opportunity in your couple-hood because it is growth trying to happen.   If you and your partner can learn to explore your differences with compassion and from a place of learning, your relationship can evolve into a long-lasting, nurturing, conscious love.  I would encourage you both to make a New Year’s Resolution to commit to changing your ways and to learn how to fight with love and respect.

I recommend that you invest in a wonderful resource called the, “Getting the Love You Want Workbook.”   It will help you learn new tools so that you and your partner can successfully and respectfully dialogue with each other and step out of your damaging conflict dance.

 

Laura Zipris holds a doctorate in Psychology and is licensed to practice psychotherapy in New York, as well as in Florida. Laura is certified in Imago Relationship Therapy, a transformational approach that has been used successfully with couples around the world to help them to strengthen their partnerships, deepen their connection and reignite their passion for one another. Laura sees individuals of all ages and sexual orientations, couples, families, and groups in her office located in Delray Beach. For more information about Laura, please visit her website at www.drlaurazipris.com  or to set up an appointment, contact Laura directly at             (561) 558-7815      

Questions for this column should be sent to ”Dr. Z” atDrlaurazip@gmail.com.