



TEEN TALK
The night before graduation didn’t quite go as planned. I was supposed to dye my hair in the morning, a dark chocolate color, so that it would look nice for rehearsal that evening. I was then supposed to attend rehearsal downtown and afterwards meet my aunt’s for dinner, where I would give them their tickets and relax before the big day. The day I’ve been waiting for 12 years.
Well, I got to rehearsal a tad late due to my internal compass malfunctions, smelling of hair chemicals that weren’t fully washed out. The whole rehearsal was basically to inform students of what they couldn’t do…which is a lot. No talking, no sudden movements, no blow horns, no touching, no throwing of the caps like in the movies, no stepping out of line or waving for any reason, and god forbid someone falls. They warn that if one were to in fact stumble and fall at any point, the board would review the tapes to be positive it was a mistake. If the crash appears to be for humorous purposes, it will result in the revoking of the diploma.
They make the wise decision of waiting to distribute the actual tickets until the end of the get together, so that no one can bail half way through the scare tactics. They finally gave us seven tickets each and told us to be on time. Unfortunately my mind wasn’t all there, causing me to leave behind all seven of my tickets in the bathroom of the convention center.
Fast forward through a great meal in City Place to my aunt’s place and then walking to my car to give them their tickets. That’s when I conveniently had the epiphany about the tickets and seeing that it was already ten o’clock, my only option was to call as many of my friends as possible to score extra tickets.
The rest of that night consisted of driving from house to house in a thunderstorm, trying to make up for my little brain hiccup. Not the best night. But I made it home by one a.m. with enough tickets.
And of course it rained on the day of graduation. I wasn’t about to let everything be ruined, so I stubbornly sat in my car until the coast was clear. I looked like a blue potato in my gown, finding it hard to keep the unflattering cap on top of my perfectly straightened hair. And the heels didn’t help with my fear of falling off the stage in front of hundreds, and then it being mistaken as a joke . . . ultimately leading to my failing of high school.
But I was finally graduating.
The boy in front of me had been a good friend of mine since elementary school, and the boy behind me I had never even seen before. I broke a few rules; I talked and waved to friends, it was impossible not to. This would probably be the last time we’d all be together.
I wasn’t too nervous or excited until I actually got to the stage and realized it was kind of a big deal. Really though, my only worry was that no one would clap when my name was called. Fortunately my dad had bribed everyone within a ten-foot radius of him to cheer for a Heidi Thorpe.
Within what felt like seconds, the ceremony was over and then the whole day was over. I graduated.
Heidi Thorpe will be attending UCF, beginning in the fall of this year. THANKS to Heidi for being our Teen Talk columnist this past year and welcome to our next Teen Talk columnist, Evan Baumel!
Man In The Mirror lyrics
(See below)
By Michael Jackson
Jermaine Jackson Performs “Smile” at Michael Jackson’s Memorial Service
Tribute to Michael Jackson, “Man in the Mirror” Video
Gotta make a change
For once in my life
It’s gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference
Gonna make it right
As I turned up the collar on
A favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin’ my mind
I see the kids in the street
With not enough to eat
Who am I to be blind
Pretending not to see their needs
A summer’s disregard
A broken bottle top
And a one man’s soul
They follow each other
On the wind ya’ know
‘Cause they got nowhere to go
That’s why I want you to know
I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change, yey
Na na na, na na na, na na na na oh ho
I’ve been a victim of
A selfish kinda love
It’s time that I realize
There are some with no home
Not a nickel to loan
Could it be really pretending that they’re not alone
A willow deeply scarred
Somebody’s broken heart
And a washed out dream
(Washed out dream)
They follow the pattern of the wind ya’ see
‘Cause they got no place to be
That’s why I’m starting with me
I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change
I’m starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make that change
I’m starting with the man in the mirror
(Man in the mirror, oh yeah)
I’m asking him to change his ways, yeah
(Change)
No message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make the change
You gotta get it right, while you got the time
‘Cause when you close your heart
(You can’t close your, your mind)
Then you close your mind
(That man, that man, that man)
(That man, that man, that man)
(With the man in the mirror, oh yeah)
(That man you know, that man you know)
(That man you know, that man you know)
I’m asking him to change his ways
(Change)
No message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself then make that change
(Na na na, na na na, na na na na)
Ooh
Oh yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
(Na na na, na na na, na na na na)
Oh no
Oh no, I’m gonna make a change
It’s gonna feel real good
Sure mon
(Change)
Just lift yourself
You know, you got to stop it yourself
(Yeah)
Oh
Make that change
(I gotta make that change today, oh)
(Man in the mirror)
You got to, you got to not let yourself, brother oh
Yeah
You know that
(Make that change)
(I gotta make that make me then make)
You got, you got to move
Sure mon, sure mon
You got to
(Stand up, stand up, stand up)
Make that change
Stand up and lift yourself, now
(Man in the mirror)
Make that change
(Gonna make that change, sure mon)
(Man in the mirror)
You know it, you know it, you know it, you know
(Change)
Make that change
© AEROSTATION CORPORATION; MCA MUSIC PUBLISHING; YELLOWBRICK ROAD MUSIC;
Living Green
Numbers, Tips and Unclogging the Green Way
Compilation/Research by Jathy Garcia of Hi-Tech Plumbing
Green Bathrooms: By the Numbers
Top Green Bathroom Tips
Kill That Clog the Green Way
Pouring tons of liquid chemicals down the drain or toilet to knock out a clog is just not cool. The toxic fumes pollute your home, seep into the water stream, chip away at the integrity of your pipes, and to top of it all, are super expensive (not to mention the potential call to the plumber should the voluminous glug glug glug of chemical drain openers simply not work).
An ugly clog, with its backup of swampy goop, can also be embarrassing. Plan ahead with one or more of these green solutions and keep the pain out of your drain:
We will continue with more “Living Green” tips in September’s edition of Around Wellington Magazine from Jathynia Garcia of Hi-Tech Plumbing.
Judy Collins – A Life of Fame, Pain and Healing
Judy Collins can’t remember life without music. Nor would she ever want to.
“I was raised in a home where music was our bread and butter as well as our pleasure. There was never any doubt as to what I wanted to do. I started singing at two and a half and have been singing ever since,” said Collins.
Collins’ father, despite being blind, was a Seattle disc jockey for over 30 years and opened many a door for his daughter.
“He was a remarkable man,” said Collins. “He loved music as much as anyone and because of him I had the opportunity to meet a number of great musicians growing up.”
Collins’ musical proclivities were obvious to her father who arranged for her to study
classical piano with world-renowned pianist, Antonia Brico. The master’s influence was profound and Collins made her public debut at age 13.
“I performed Mozart’s Concerto for Two Pianos,” recalled Collins.
Three years after her debut as a piano prodigy, she was playing guitar. Her music became popular at the University of Connecticut where her husband taught as Collins performed at parties and for the campus radio station along with David Grisman and Tom Azarian. Collins then made her way to New York’s Greenwich Village, where she busked (performed in public places for tips) and played in local clubs.
During the early 1960s, “The Village” was at the heart of an American folk music revival.
“It was the music of Woody Guthrie, Pete Seeger and Bob Dylan who would have the greatest effect upon me.”
Indeed, Collins’ career now took an entirely new direction. In 1961, she signed on with Elektra Records (a label with which she would be associated for 35 years) and released her first album, A Maid of Constant Sorrow, at the age of 22.
“Through Woody, Pete and Bob I developed my love of lyrics that has lasted to this day.”
Collins went on to record her own versions of important songs from the period, such as Dylan’s “Mr. Tambourine Man” and Seeger’s “Turn, Turn, Turn.” And just as Joan Baez brought Bob Dylan into the public eye, Collins was instrumental in bringing a number of lesser-known musicians to a wider audience, especially Canadian Poet, Leonard Cohen, who remains a very close friend to this day. Collins also recorded songs by Joni Mitchell, Randy Newman and Richard Farina long before they garnered national acclaim.
While Collins’s first few albums comprised straightforward guitar-based folk songs, her career took yet another turn in 1966 with the release of In My Life, which included work from a number of diverse sources (the Beatles, Cohen, Jaques Brel and Kurt Weill). Mark Abramson produced and Joshua Rifkin arranged the album, adding lush orchestration to many of the numbers. The album was regarded as a major departure for a folk artist and set the course for Collins’ subsequent work over the next decade.
With her 1967 album, Wildflowers, also produced by Abramson and arranged by Rifkin, Collins began to record her own compositions, the first of which was entitled “Since You Asked.” The album also provided Collins with a major hit and a Grammy Award for “Both Sides Now,” which reached #8 on the Billboard Hot 100.
Collins’ 1968 album, Who Knows Where the Times Goes, was produced by David Anderle and featured back-up guitar by Stephen Stills (of Crosby, Stills & Nash), with whom she was romantically involved at the time.
“Yes, I was the Judy in ‘Suite: Judy Blue Eyes,’” laughed Collins.
Time Goes had a mellow country sound and included Ian Tyson’s “Someday Soon” and the title track written by the UK singer-songwriter Sandy Denny. The album also featured Collins’s composition “My Father” and one of the first covers of Leonard Cohen’s “Bird on the Wire.”
By the 1970s, Collins had a solid reputation as an art song singer and folksinger and had begun to stand out for her own compositions. She was also known for her broad range of material: her songs from this period include the traditional Christian hymn “Amazing Grace,” the Stephen Sondheim Broadway ballad “Send in the Clowns” (both of which were top 20 hits as singles), a recording of Joan Baez’s “A Song for David,” and her own compositions, such as “Born to the Breed.”
In the 1970’s, Collins guest starred on The Muppet Show, where she sang “I Know An Old Lady who Swallowed a Fly.” Collins also appeared several times on Sesame Street, where she performed her song, “Fishermen’s Song” with a chorus of Anything Muppet fishermen, sang a trio with Biff and Sully using the word “yes,” and even “starred” in a modern musical fairy tale skit, “The Sad Princess.”
In 1979, Collins posed nude on the album cover of Hard Times for Lovers. She sang the theme song of the Rankin-Bass TV movie titled The Wind in the Willows.
In more recent years Collins has taken to writing, producing a memoir, Trust Your Heart,” in 1987, as well as a novel, Shameless. A more recent memoir, Sanity and Grace, tells the story of her son Clark and his death from suicide in January, 1992.
Though her record sales are not what they once were, she still records and tours in the U.S., Europe, Australia, and New Zealand.
“I’ve been touring nearly all my life,” Collins said. “To be able to do it at my age I have to live like an athlete. A strict diet and a routine exercise program are both par for the course. Of course, I’m also very lucky in that I have a great voice teacher and one I can depend upon.”
Collins also acknowledged good fortune as playing a role.
“I had surgery in 1977 on my vocal chords. It was the same kind of surgery that Julie Andrews had. Sadly for her, it did not work. I was blessed with a great surgeon and a brand new procedure at the time. I enjoyed a complete recovery.”
Collins performed at President Clinton’s first inauguration in 1993, singing “Amazing Grace” and “Chelsea Morning.” (The Clintons have said that their daughter Chelsea was named after Collins’ recording of the song.)
In 2008, she oversaw an album featuring artists ranging from Dolly Parton and Joan Baez to Rufus Wainwright and Chrissie Hynde covering her compositions; she also released a collection of covers of Beatles songs. In May of that year she received an honorary doctorate from Pratt Institute.
Like many other folk singers of her generation, Collins was drawn to social activism. She is a representative for UNICEF and campaigns on behalf of the abolition of landmines. Following the 1992 death of her son, Clark Taylor, at age 33, after a long bout with depression and substance abuse, she has also become a strong advocate of suicide prevention.
In 2003, Collins authored Sanity and Grace: A Journey of Suicide, Survival and Strength. Four years later, Collins penned The Seven Ts, which lays out the lessons she learned in the aftermath of her son’s suicide. In this solid, heartfelt guide to grief and tragedy, Collins draws from her own experience to provide a set of tools to help “dig your way out of tragedy and loss.” The book was conceptualized as a way to better navigate Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s stages of grief. Collins’ seven T’s aren’t chronological steps, but “a kind of mantra” in seven parts that’s durable enough to assist readers for a lifetime. Through the T’s, Collins deals honestly with the demons of loss-guilt, isolation, hopelessness, depression and violence, while detailing many practical, proactive ways to cope, carry on and continue healing.
As for the Seven T’s…
“Truth (tell it), trust (allow it), therapy (get it), treasure (your loved and lost), treat (your body and mind), thrive (without drugs or alcohol) and transcend.”
Whether it’s writing a book or a song, Collins’ profound wisdom and introspection are relatable to us all. A profoundly spiritual person, Collins has little use for dogmatic thinking.
“Religion is for people afraid of going to Hell; spirituality is for those who’ve already been there.”
***
Glenn R. Swift is a freelance writer and editor living in Jensen Beach. Winner of the Florida Magazine Association’s 1999 Bronze Award for Writing Excellence, Swift is one of the most acclaimed entertainment writers in South Florida. He is the Editor and Co-Founder of , the definitive Arts & Entertainment website for Palm Beach and the Treasure Coast: www.OnStagePalmBeach.com
Visit these sites for cultural events Around Wellington and beyond:
http://www.bocaratontheatreguild.org/
http://www.onstagepalmbeach.com/
http://www.scattershottheater.com/
Lighten Up with Lisa
By Lisa Dawn Wax
Step One . . . Breathe!
I am very excited to be taking my maiden voyage as a contributing writer for Around Wellingon’s new column, Lighten Up with Lisa. My goal is to reach out to you, the reader, and motivate you with words of inspiration, encouragement and compassion as we all weather the choppy seas of living in today’s world of uncertainty and change. I welcome all your comments and questions with the hope that together we can feel a renewed security in knowing that we are all in the same boat and a renewed strength in a feeling of connectedness that can and will get us through our stormy times. So I invite you now to share in my journey and wish you all a Bon Voyage!
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” Lao Tzu, founder of Taoism and author of Tao Te Ching.
That was the motto of my high school graduating class. Of course, back then its meaning had little significance to me. Now, however, they are words to live by. Today we all bounce between the hustle and bustle of raising children, trying to make ends meet, taking care of extended family, trying to foster meaningful friendships and relationships, not to mention staying on top of endless emails or who’s doing what on Facebook. While juggling all of our responsibilities to others we often neglect our responsibilities to ourselves. Life often seems like nothing more than a balancing act between our “should do’s”, weighing us down and often tipping the scales, and our “want to’s”, floating somewhere off in the distance.
I challenge you now to change all that and ask you, “What one thing can you do today to feel a little lighter? To breathe a little easier? To feel a little happier?” Before you answer I’d like to remind you of a basic scientific principle. Energy is kinetic and one thing is all it takes to set energy in motion and build momentum. Thoughts are a form of energy. They harness potential energy. If you can change your thoughts, you can start to Lighten Up and you only need to start with one thought at a time. It’s easy and you have nothing to lose by trying.
I’m not saying we can simply wish away bills that have piled up on our desks, wish our homes to be back to their 2005 home values overnight, or wish for a much needed 25th hour to our days. However, we can think of new ways to pay those bills and we can create new thoughts and perspectives to appreciate the homes we have, the lives we have and the time we have. This type of thinking has been called New Age or New Thought. Well, we have crossed into a new millennium, a new age, which often requires us to think new thoughts that are unconventional and “outside the box.” Let’s not waste energy and time focusing on the problems when it is exponentially more productive focusing on the solutions. You can start right now.
Take in a long, deep, healing breath and when we you let it out release the stress you are holding onto and affirm, “I want to feel better. I can create a more peaceful life for myself.” (You can repeat this as often as necessary without any negative side effects.)
I recently watched a PBS special, featuring Wayne Dyer, entitled Excuses Begone. Dr. Dyer asserts that our imagination is our greatest and most powerful gift. It is a place we can always go to in order to be where we want to be. He suggests imagining what you want and then noticing the feeling it creates within you because feelings help to manifest action. For example, right now imagine being in a better place, whether financially, physically or emotionally, and you will notice a sense of peace wash over you. When you later remember this sense of peace it will likely spur you to take action to sustain that feeling. This really is not a new principle. Madonna sang about it 20 years ago in her song “Vogue”. Remember this? It’s a good tune to keep in your head and affirm the positive so hum along.
“All you need is your own imagination, so use it that’s what it’s for.
Go inside, for your finest inspiration. Your dreams will open the door.”
Step Three – Act
Don’t disregard or ignore the little voice of inspiration that comes to you in your moment of reflection. You are a co-creator of your life. Take that first step. Don’t think about it so that your rational mind has a chance to think of reasons why you shouldn’t do it. Just do it. Call your mortgage lender, credit consolidation company or financial counselor to discuss options available to you now. Start exercising, meditating, or dieting to feel healthier. If you have the money, schedule a massage or an appointment with a therapist, reiki practitioner or life coach. If resources are limited, take a walk, chat with a friend, stare at the ocean, a sunset or your child sleeping peacefully. These are free gifts from the Divine Creator and can have enormous positive effects. Personally when I have trouble falling asleep, because my mind is racing, I’ll go into my son’s room. As I look at his sweet face I can’t help but smile and become consumed with the love that I have for him. I’m usually able to fall right asleep as I hold onto that feeling.
Well there you have it; a simple 3 step plan to initiate changing your life. Ok, I know I started by saying it only takes a single step. But, guess what? You’ve already accomplished that by reading through this article. The momentum has started and now has the potential to carry you wherever you want to go on your thousand-mile journey… And speaking of Journey, I’d like to close with this song quote (I’m a big music fan) “Don’t stop believin’. Hold onto that feelin’.” Journey 1981.
Until next time, may your days be brighter and your lives be lighter!
Lisa Dawn Wax, aka Lightworker Lisa, has been certified in Massage Therapy, Fitness Training and Reiki Healing for over 15 years. In addition to being a born Lightworker she is a certified Angel Healing Practitioner; both of which basically confirm her intuitive abilities to help, heal and teach. Using reiki (energy healing) and intuitive readings, she has helped many people to identify the source of their pain, clarify current life situations, and successfully redirect their focus into positive channels. If you are in need of affordable healing and/or life coaching with immediate results, please call her at 310-753-2010 or visit her website www.Youtopia.health.officelive.com for more information.
All rights reserved.
Without a shadow of a doubt the United States has much to be proud of. However, as U.S. parents how do we feel about these staggering statistics?
Ø The amount of children ranging from ages 2-5 years who are overweight has increased from 5% to 13.9%.
Ø 6 – 11 years – 6.5% to 18.8%
Ø 12 -19 years of age 5% to 17.4%
Ø The number of obese children has tripled since the 1980’s
Ø An obese adolescent has a 70% chance of becoming an obese adult
The contributing factors that make up these statistics are many. Unfortunately, a finger cannot be pointed in any one direction but what is certainly not in doubt is that responsibility falls squarely on the shoulders of us – the parents.
And what a responsibility it is, especially when we know that these obscene statistics can cause immediate risks such as shame, self-blame and low self-esteem which ultimately impairs academic and social functioning. Approximately 60% of obese children aged 5 to 10 has a least one cardiovascular disease (CVD) risk factor (e.g. such as elevated totals cholesterol, triglycerides, insulin or blood pressure) and 25% had two or more risk CVD risk factors. The long term risks of childhood obesity are type 2 diabetes, for instance, for children born in the United States in 2000, the lifetime risk of being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes at some point in their lives is estimated to be 30% for boys and 40% for girls. In fact, in a case report limited to the 1990s, type 2 diabetes accounted for 8 to 45 percent of all new pediatric cases of diabetes – in contrast with fewer than 4 percent before the 1990s.
It really is not rocket science, the equation is simple. If your child takes in more calories than they expend in energy then they are going to be overweight.
Now this is all a concept I am sure most parents can grasp, but our job is certainly not made easy when you are combating huge industries spending billions of dollars bombarding our children with enticing packaging and free toys to eat their high fat, high calorific, high sugar products. Another billion dollar industry targets games that encourage our children to sit for hours, and, of course, there is always the box in the corner of the room! Powerful competitors indeed, but what about the competitors who we in fact believe are our allies?
How many parents have heard the words from their Kindergarten child “I did really well at school today, I was given six gummy bears for listening well!”
How many times has your child come home with candy from a “treasure chest” designed to reward good behavior?
What about that “desk fairy” who leaves your child a lollipop for a clean and tidy desk?
As if that wasn’t enough, how about the pizza or ice-cream party given at the end of term for good grades?
In fact how many of our children are given vouchers for free pizzas, cup cakes or burgers for being an honor role student?
Wouldn’t it be helpful if our schools rewarded our children with items relative to their education i.e. books, pencils, rulers, notebooks, educational games and toys? Instead of tying up with pizza restaurants giving rewards for honor role students, how about a book store getting involved and rewarding our children with book vouchers? Instead of an ice-cream party at the end of term, how about an afternoon of fun outdoor games, ice-skating, roller-skating the options are endless – exercise can actually be fun!
If you actually take a moment to register how many of our establishments are contributing to these worrying statistics and making parents jobs harder, you will be staggered. I am sure you can name your bank, church, doctor, gymnastic, cheer, dance, swim school, the list will be endless.
So to those of you who are desperately battling to re-enforce good habits that will last their lifetime, it might be time to demand a little support from some of the establishments that you might have some control over. Speak to your principle, P.T.A., teachers, and bank manager. In fact, speak to absolutely every establishment who rewards your child with foods that you are trying to persuade them not to eat.
Food for thought?
Cheryl Alker specializes in flexibility training, facial exercises and postural alignment. Her 26 year career started as a group fitness and personal trainer, she has lectured and directed fitness training programs in both Europe and the USA and was an advisor for a Governmental health promotion program. Alker and her company Stretch Education International continues to work with a select clientele from a base in Palm Beach County, Florida, certifying health professionals in her results based stretching program, educating consumers through public speaking and offering consultation to clients who wish to lose their muscular pain and gain flexibility to achieve full and active lifestyles. Her program has been accredited with The National Association of Sports Medicine, The American Council of Exercise and The National Strength and Conditioning Association. For more information about professional continuing education and consultation options, please call Cheryl on 561 889 3738 or visit www.stretchresults.com.
CANTANKEROUSLY YOURS
Dear Nearsighted Editors,
Okay, enough already. It is no longer funny. This marks the eighteenth consecutive year you have not selected me as one of the 100 most beautiful people in the world.
I am incensed. Once again. Furious. Once again. I hunger for justice. No, let me be honest. I want revenge! Someone has to pay for this annual injustice. I choose my wife. This morning, I ate the one banana she had saved for her cereal.
The most infuriating thing about this yearly egregious oversight is that you never even contact me, phone me or alert me to a possible upcoming photo op.
As far as I’m concerned, you have two glaring problems which should be addressed in every future issue: the need for additional categories, and a very obvious myopia. I will start here by addressing the former, which dovetails with the latter.
Additional Category #1: Beauty of Character.
Personally, I believe this to be the most important indication of real beauty – for without character, how can anyone be considered beautiful?
Now please take a look at my portrait accompanying this column. Note that I have asked my editors to double the size of my photo in order to accommodate your myopia – thus the aforementioned dovetailing.
You see, in an effort to be fair, I have decided you are not narrow-minded, but near-sighted. And your myopia seems to get worse each year.
I suggest that you just stare at my photo for a few seconds.
Note the asymmetry of the eyes, the four-times-broken nose that looks like I went three rounds with Mike Tyson, and the one arched eyebrow completely out of synch with the rest of the face. A hemi-facial tic contributes to all of these features. Hidden from camera: frown lines, wrinkles and blemishes that complement the visible traits and complete the full beauty-of-character portrait.
Study my picture closely, Ms. Myopia, and you’ll see I am a walking object lesson in why this category should be added.
2 – Additional Category #2: Real Smiles.
This is really just a revision (and improvement) on your section dealing with “Stunning smiles.” And just look at your choices! Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry, Eva Longoria, Brad Pitt, et al. Perfect teeth, perfect lips, perfect everything. Where’s the character in that? Where’s the realness?
Once again, I draw your attention to my photo and the crooked smile that suggests uncontrollable drooling. We’re talking genuine beauty of
character here, Ms. Myopia, and it’s time that a real smile like mine gets acknowledged.
Additional Category #3 – Hidden Beauty.
Strip down, everyone. No clothes. Let’s all get buck naked.
If we’re going to talk honestly about beauty, we must include beauty unseen by the general public, even in skimpy bikinis. And without even shedding a shirt, I can tell you that not one of your “Hundred Most …” is even in my league.
Let’s start with necks. Let’s see if any of your beauties can match my barely-visible seven-inch long scar, created by a skilled surgeon who removed my parathyroid glands.
Now let’s talk about tummies. Here, you’ll find a six-inch scar from an incision where a second surgeon took out a foot of my intestine – and two little holes where the same doctor aborted an attempt at laproscopic surgery.
Shoulders? You’ll need a magnifying glass to see the scars from my two rotator cuff surgeries; they have been deftly hidden by two different surgeons wielding very clever scalpels.
Okay, moving up in class, to the three W’s: warts, wens and welts.
I’ve got ‘em in sizes, shapes and colors no one’s even invented names for yet. Or would you rather compare quantities? I’ll match mine against anyone you can name, and spot you an even dozen going in.
Additional Category #4: Geriatric Beauty.
Yeah, yeah, I know – you’ve got a double-page layout headlined, “Beauty at Every Age.”
But it features women only, and it stops at age 59!
Hello, we’re an aging society! Younger than 59 probably leaves out half the country. What about those of us past 60, with Y chromosomes?
Once again, I draw your attention to my photo (now that my editors have doubled it in size, you can safely assume that Brad Pitt is eating his heart out).
You’re looking at beauty accumulated over 76 years here, featuring attributes that can only be acquired when one is older than a paltry 59. And in my case, unique features that have my geriatric peers gnashing their teeth in envy:
A total lack of muscle tone, indicating I have not wasted any time in gyms, taking yoga classes, or engaging in useless exercise. In fact, in my condo association, I am the only male with 24-pack abs.
An enviable belly, hanging just far enough over my belt to demonstrate my adherence to a lifelong healthy diet of cheeseburgers, twice-baked potatoes and apple cobblers.
And finally, wrinkles. They’re not too evident in my photo. But my back, legs, hips and love handles sport so many wrinkles that last week my neighbor’s Shar Pei tried to mate with me.
Additional Category #5 – Ignored-Until-Now Features.
A — Feet. Had you ever made this a category, you might have put me on your front cover. My feet are the perfect culmination of my legs, which are shapely miracles. No one has feet like mine. The left ankle protrudes at a weird angle (sprained twice), three toes are shaped like large cashew nuts, and the callouses on my soles are so thick it looks like I’m wearing running shoes.
B – Epiglottis. Some day, my superb epiglottis will make medical history. When I sleep, I snore Beethoven.
C – Ears. I know why you have avoided this category: too many of your selections have ears that stick out like coffee cups. Mine remain elegant even after a plastic surgeon removed a chunk from my right ear and planted it on my nose (the skin graft was necessary to cover up removal of a
basal cell cancer). You’d never know, looking at either the ear or nose. The only problem is that whenever my nose hurts, I think it’s an earache.
* * *
You have been sufficiently warned, Ms. Myopia. I will accept no excuses this coming year. If I have not been contacted for a photo op by the end of this year, I intend to come north and eat the one banana you have saved for your cereal.
Cantankerously Yours,
Wendell Abern
Wendell Abern can be reached at dendyabern@comcast.net.
THE SPACE ROOM
by Anna Sanclement
Calling All Harry Potter Fans
Ok, so Harry Potter may be more fantasy than sci-fi, but with all of its broom flying, spell casting and strange creatures, it sure has enough for a sci-fi feel!
This month brings us the sixth installment to the Potter series, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. The movie has been highly anticipated, especially since it was supposed to open last November and got postponed for this summer.
By the looks of the trailers, though, it was definitely worth the wait. The effects look absolutely amazing; the cave scene is just fantastic as are the broom flying sequences. The classic Potter humor is still there, especially when it comes to all the awkward moments between Ron and Hermione. Another great scene from the book is when Ron is given some chocolates laced with a love potion and it looks like the movie version won’t disappoint. Rupert Grint, who plays Ronald Weasley, plays the part wonderfully and the scene with the chocolates is no exception.
Half Blood Prince finds our Hogwarts friends back at school again, after a previous hard fifth year where Harry lost his godfather, Sirius Black, by the hand of the evil Death Eater, Bellatrix Lestrange. Ironically, she was Harry’s godfather’s cousin. Sixth Year at Hogwart’s seems to go smoother and with less incidents than the year before. At first, anyway!
There’s a new teacher who is quite peculiar and who surprisingly takes over the Potions class. This means that the previous professor and Harry’s least favorite, Severous Snape, is now teaching another class – Defense Against the Dark Arts – a subject Harry thinks Snape is too dark to teach himself. With Harry’s unwanted connection to the Dark Lord Voldemort (Harry’s lifelong enemy) having been severed, he is able to enjoy the school year by being less anxious and angry.
However, he still thinks something is off with his nemesis student, Draco Malfoy, who is acting very strangely all year. His friends won’t listen to him and think he’s imagining things.
In the meantime, Dumbledore, Hogwarts’ beloved Headmaster, wants Harry to learn all he can about the Dark Lord Voldemort, so he can be prepared when the time comes to face him, which he inevitably will someday soon. So it’s towards the end of the school year that we start to see what has been brewing all year long.
Our beloved main characters are all back for Half Blood Prince, as well as a few new ones such as Horace Slughorn, the new Potions teacher. And although not new to the books, some characters will be shown in the movie version for the first time, these include Narcissa Malfoy, Draco’s mother, and Lavender Brown, Ron’s–sort of–new girlfriend.
So mark your calendars for July the 15th, get your Hogwarts uniforms out of the closet, plan a big, scrumptious Hogwarts feast and then head for the theater to watch Harry Potter and his friends in their next exciting adventure!
For more information on the movie and characters check out the film’s official website:
http://harrypotter.warnerbros.com/harrypotterandthehalf-bloodprince/#/home
Sky events this month, July 2009:
Full Moon will be on the 7th and the New Moon will occur on the 21st. There is also a penumbral lunar eclipse at 5:00 a.m. on the 7th, but it will hardly be visible, if at all, since the magnitude is only going to be 0.156. Earth is at Aphelion on the 4th, which means that Earth is at its farthest point from the Sun. The reason why it is hotter in the northern hemisphere during this time, even if farther from the sun, is because of the Earth’s tilt. During the summer months the way the Earth leans puts the northern hemisphere at a more direct angle to the sun, thus making it hotter.
Then on the 21st there’s a solar eclipse, which will extend across India, China, some Japanese islands and the South Pacific Ocean.
Venus and Mars continue to be seen in the early morning skies, while Saturn is low in the sky in the evenings. Jupiter is starting to rise earlier at night and stays visible until the morning.
Space Shuttle Endeavour is scheduled to lift off July 11th at 7:39 p.m. after 2 scrubbed attempts in June. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that the July attempt will be a successful one for the 16-day ISS mission. Once the Shuttle launches you can follow the mission on NASA TV .
Sky events for August 2009:
Full Moon will be on the 5th, the New Moon on the 20th. Jupiter continues to be visible all night, with the 14th being a great night to observe it since it will be at opposition. Saturn is visible low in the evening sky and sets about 90 minutes after the sun does, as is Mercury for the first few days of the month.
On the 1st of the month the Alpha Capricornids Meteor Shower peaks and on the 6th the Southern Iota Aquarids Meteor Shower peaks. Also on the 6th there’s another penumbral lunar eclipse that won’t be very noticeable.
The Perseid Meteor Shower peaks on the 12th and the Northern Iota Aquarids Meteor Shower peaks on the 25th.
On the 24th Mercury is at its greatest eastern elongation.
Some of the main constellations that we can see during August are: Scorpious, Sagitarious (the Teapot), Ursa Major (the Big Dipper), Ursa Minor (the Little Dipper), Bootes, Corona Borealis and Draco.
Look on up and smile!
For more sky events log on to: www.astronomy.com and http://space.about.com/od/computerresources/tp/2009MaySkyGuide.htm
You can read other articles and tips by Anna on these websites:
http://www.helium.com/users/484623
http://www.examiner.com/x-6503-Ft-Lauderdale-Science-News-Examiner
http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/354312/anna_sanclement.html
http://www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/annasanclement