July Events at Joey’s Outback
Note: Joey’s will also be offering a princess tea party on Tuesday, July 23 at 2:30 – must be registered and prepaid ($15.95 includes admission for all day play and the Princess tea party with refreshments, stories and games and our “Princess Parade”)!
To benefit children’s charities in Palm Beach County
November 2 – November 17, 2013
Another opening – another show and you can be a star!
First London, now Palm Beach County! Local artists will be painting old pianos, turning them into original works of art and displaying them around Palm Beach County in early November. The great thing is you’re encouraged to play the pianos wherever you find one. They will start showing up in unlikely places: parks, public spaces, local businesses and even on the waterfront. Keys to the Cities will bring “live art” to the Palm Beach County area.
Kathi Kretzer of Kretzer Piano in Jupiter developed the local initiative after learning of similar projects in London and New York City. The newly-formed Kretzer Piano Music Foundation will present this colorful event, bringing attention to the mission of the foundation which is to provide music and performing opportunities to everyone, especially children.
As many as twenty used baby grand and upright pianos will be donated by the Kretzer Piano Music Foundation. A “piano buddy” at each site will cover the instruments at night and during inclement weather. The event will feature formal and impromptu concerts by professionals and passersby in an open festival of music.
After their public debut, the pianos will be donated to local children’s charities and community organizations, enriching lives for years to come.
These whimsically-painted pianos will be found at the following locations: City Center Plaza, CityPlace, Clematis Street, the Kravis Center for the Performing Arts, Palm Beach County Cultural Council in downtown Lake Worth, Downtown at the Gardens, Flagler Drive, Kretzer Piano in Jupiter, Palm Beach and other fun venues throughout the area.
Keys to the Cities is a collaborative project of the Kretzer Piano Music Foundation and the City of West Palm Beach, the Downtown Development Authority, D.C. Moore Piano Movers, the Cultural Council of Palm Beach County and Jerry’s Artarama.
To see more of the painted pianos, check out “Keys to the Cities” on Facebook!
CONTACT: For information or to get involved call Kathi Kretzer, Kretzer Piano 561-748-0036 kkretzer@kretzerpiano.com
Kretzer Piano Music Foundation presents . . .
The 2nd Annual PHYSICIANS TALENT SHOWCASE
To benefit Adopt-a-Family and the Kretzer Piano Music Foundation
Tuesday, August 20 at 7:30 pm
A Prescription For A Great Evening! We will be showcasing local doctors with real musical talents.
Dr. Marie Ambroise Thigpen, local Neonatologist, is not only a fabulous singer but also a ballroom dancer. She will be doing her “salsa” with Plastic Surgeon Dr. Alberto Navarro at the 2nd Annual Physician Talent Showcase! Your doctor may have skills you never dreamed of! When they all share their talent onstage, you’re going to be impressed, delighted, and possibly fall out of your seat laughing.
Tickets for the Showcase are $50 each, payable to the Kretzer Piano Music Foundation, Inc, a non-profit 501(c)(3) dedicated to providing scholarships to children from low-income families to receive music instruction and to sponsor music events in the community with an emphasis on performance opportunities for young musicians. These music events and concerts have a double purpose as they financially benefit local children’s charities and also aid in keeping music in the schools.
The proceeds will also benefit Adopt-A-Family of the Palm Beaches, Inc., a nonprofit dedicated to restoring families in crisis to stability and self-sufficiency. Funds will be designated to Project Grow which focuses on building social, emotional and education skills for formerly homeless children who live in the agency’s housing programs.
The Harriet Himmel Theater at City Place,
700 S. Rosemary Ave, WestPalm Beach, FL33401
Tickets are $50. Call Complete Ticket Solutions at 866-449-2489.
Tuesday, August 20, 7:30 pm.
CONTACT: For information call Kathi Kretzer, Kretzer Piano, 561-748-0036.
The “Physicians Talent Showcase” is part of Kretzer Piano’s ongoing “Music for the Mind” concert series benefitting children’s charities and music education. Held on the third Tuesday of every month in the Harriet Himmel Theater at CityPlace, the Music for the Mind concerts feature musical groups from Palm Beach County. Beginning in 2002, Music for the Mind has provided 8,800 young musicians the opportunity to perform while raising $300,000 to help keep music in our schools and community.
July/August, 2013 – Summer Suggestions
Happy Summer to you, our AroundWellington readers!
Thanks to our wonderful writers and our main photographer Carol Porter for all of the new material this month! Check out the latest articles at AroundWellington.com by clicking around the menu on the left side of our home page! Check out the latest photo galleries by clicking on “Photo Galleries” at the top right.
Welcome to our new “Teen Talk” writer and intern Tyler Alexander of Wellington High School. Tyler is also sports writer for Wellington High School online school newspaper, The Wellington Wave.
I’m happy to introduce you to a wonderful family this month and their quest to get the word out to our community about water safety. Read “AW Spotlight” and you will be introduced to The British Swim School of Wellington, under new ownership – the Hoffman family. Also see their video (below)!
Speaking of the British Swim School, they are sponsoring a contest with us from July 10 to 21! You could win a full month of swim lessons at the BritishSwimSchool! Just enter our “Contest!” The winner will be announced on our site on July 22nd.
Hey parents, looking for some money-saving ideas this summer? You can always find great savings by checking out our “Kids’ Corner?” Yes, one of our favorite local moms Shawn Thompson gives us the listing of the local restaurants “Around Wellington” where kids can eat FREE! Also, see (at the bottom) some special FREE kids’ movie deals Around Wellington too.
Looking for some cultural activities this summer? Check out Lori Baumel’s suggestions of things to do in “Cultural Corner” with “Embrace the Art of Summer!”
Here’s our “Menu” of articles, new to you this month! Please check them out and feel free to contact me, as always, with any feedback.
Hope you are having a Happy Summer!
Krista Martinelli
Editor
(561) 965-6617
Around Wellington® Magazine
“Tell our advertisers you saw it in Around Wellington”
Subscribe to Around Wellington Online for FREE
Health and Fitness
Salt – How Much is Safe to Shake!!
By Cheryl Alker
Growing up, like most children, I watched my mother cook. It was always good quality time spent with her but the wonderful aromas; heat of the kitchen (living in England that was always a plus!) and the odd cake mix bowl to scrape out once she finished with it was always worth the time!
I obviously observed many things during those kitchen days, but the addition of salt to just plain old boiling water and so many recipes that I had not even dreamed could need salt, stuck in my mind. When setting the table the salt and pepper shakers were always added no matter what the meal was and it would often be only the salt that everyone grabbed to sprinkle on their food rather than the pepper. I also observed that my family would not even taste the food before adding salt. It was a habit, and all you could hear was “pass the salt please” before the clinking of cutlery to plate even began.
So it is easy to see that the taste for salt can be cultivated at a very young age and for some people can become quite an addiction.
As health research and information improves and becomes more accessible, we read, absorb and try to make lifestyle changes accordingly. Many of us are obviously now aware that a diet high in sodium can contribute to high blood pressure and the risk of heart disease and stroke. While a few shakes of salt here and there may seem innocent enough the majority of the salt in our diets does not come from the salt shaker. In fact most of us are completely unaware of how much salt we actually consume.
The USDA’s Dietary Guidelines for Americans recommends 2,300 mg each day for healthy adults and 1,500 mg for those who are “salt sensitive” i.e. those whose blood pressure increases more dramatically with salt intake.
The American Heart Association recommends that everyone limit themselves to 1,500 mg of sodium per day and your doctor may recommend a lower intake if you have serious high blood pressure. So what does 1,500 mg of sodium equate to? Well one teaspoon of salt has 2,325 mg of sodium! That’s more than your entire day’s allotment and you just added it to one recipe!
So what is so dangerous about sodium anyway? Whilst some is essential, a diet high in sodium can cause strain on the heart. Excess salt remains in our bloodstream, attracting water and creating a greater volume of blood, as explained by the Mayo Clinic. That, in turn, will increase blood pressure as the heart has to work harder and the arteries endure more to move more blood around our body. High blood pressure increases the likelihood that a blood vessel will clog or rupture, causing a cardiac arrest or stroke.
High Salt Foods
Canned soups or vegetables
Frozen dinners
Vegetable Juices
Processed meats: smoked meat, deli meat, regular canned tuna, hot dogs
Snack foods: chips, cookies, pretzels, salted nuts
Condiments: pickles, relish, olives, soy sauce, tartar sauce, chili sauce
Tips for Cutting Back
Go fresh! Choose fresh vegetables, fruits, grains and meats
Avoid salt during food preparation – do you really need to add salt to that boiling pasta water?
Use frozen vegetables and fruits over the canned variety but if you must use the can make sure you rinse, rinse and rinse again!
Add flavor with fresh herbs, black pepper, crushed red pepper, garlic or onion powder.
Limit salty snacks and eat fewer foods out of a box or can.
Look for lower sodium varieties.
When ordering fries with your meal at a restaurant ask them not to add salt, at least this way you are in control of how much you put on your plate. This is a must for your children’s food, don’t let the kitchen add it to their fries, remember cultivating the taste for salt begins when we are young. Protect your child’s heart at all costs.
Cheryl Alker specializes in flexibility training, facial exercises and postural alignment. Her 30 year career started as a group fitness and personal trainer, she has lectured and directed fitness training programs in both Europe and the USA and was an advisor for a Governmental health promotion program. Alker and her company Stretch Results International continues to work with a select clientele from a base in Palm Beach County, Florida, certifying health professionals in her results based stretching program, educating consumers through public speaking and offering consultation to clients who wish to lose their muscular pain and gain flexibility to achieve full and active lifestyles. Alker has a proven totally natural program that alleviates back pain visit www.secretbackpaincure.com. For more information about professional continuing education and consultation options, e:books or DVD’s please call Cheryl on 561 889 3738 or visit www.stretchresults.com.
“As”
Lyrics by Stevie Wonder
As around the sun the earth knows she’s revolving
And the rosebuds know to bloom in early May
Just as hate knows love’s the cure
You can rest your mind assure
That I’ll be loving you always
As now can’t reveal the mystery of tomorrow
But in passing will grow older every day
Just as all is born is new
Do know what I say is true
That I’ll be loving you always
Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky—ALWAYS
Until the ocean covers every mountain high—ALWAYS
Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea—ALWAYS
Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream
Did you know that true love asks for nothing
Her acceptance is the way we pay
Did you know that life has given love a guarantee
To last through forever and another day
Just as time knew to move on since the beginning
And the seasons know exactly when to change
Just as kindness knows no shame
Know through all your joy and pain
That I’ll be loving you always
As today I know I’m living but tomorrow
Could make me the past but that I mustn’t fear
For I’ll know deep in my mind
The love of me I’ve left behind Cause I’ll be loving you always
Until the day is night and night becomes the day—ALWAYS
Until the trees and seas just up and fly away—ALWAYS
Until the day that 8x8x8 is 4—ALWAYS
Until the day that is the day that are no more
Did you know that you’re loved by somebody?
Until the day the earth starts turning right to left—ALWAYS
Until the earth just for the sun denies itself
I’ll be loving you forever
Until dear Mother Nature says her work is through—ALWAYS
Until the day that you are me and I am you—AL~~~~~~WA~~
~~~~~AA~~~~~~~AA~~~~
Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky~~~~~AA~~~~
~~~~AA~~~~~~~AA~~~~~~~~~AA~~~~~~~YS~~ALWAYS
We all know sometimes lifes hates and troubles
Can make you wish you were born in another time and space
But you can bet you life times that and twice its double
That God knew exactly where he wanted you to be placed
so make sure when you say you’re in it but not of it
You’re not helping to make this earth a place sometimes called Hell
Change your words into truths and then change that truth into love
And maybe our children’s grandchildren
And their great-great grandchildren will tell
I’ll be loving you
Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky–Loving you
Until the ocean covers every mountain high–Loving you
Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea–Loving you
Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream–Be loving you
Until the day is night and night becomes the day–Loving you
Until the trees and seas up, up and fly away–Loving you
Until the day that 8x8x8x8 is 4–Loving you
Until the day that is the day that are no more–Loving you
Until the day the earth starts turning right to left–Be loving you
Until the earth just for the sun denies itself–Loving you
Until dear Mother Nature says her work is through–Loving you
Until the day that you are me and I am you–
Now ain’t that loving you
Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky
Ain’t that loving you
Until the ocean covers every mountain high
And I’ve got to say always
Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea~~AL~~~WA~~~AYS
Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream-Um AL~~WA~~AYS
Until the day is night and night becomes the day-AL~~~~WA~~AYS
Until the trees and seas just up and fly away-AL~~WA~~~AA~~~~~
Until the day that 8x8x8 is 4~~~~~AA~~~~~~~AA~~~~~~~AA
Until the day that is the day that are no more-AA~~~~AA~~AA~~~AYS
Until the day the earth starts turning right to left-AL~~~WA~~~A~~~AA
Until the earth just for the sun denies itself-~~AA~~~AA~~~AA~~~AYS
Until dear Mother Nature says her work is through-AL~~~WAYS
Until the day that you are me and I am you
Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky
Until the ocean covers every mountain high
Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea
Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream
Until the day is night and night becomes the day
Until the trees and seas just up and fly away
Until the day that 8x8x8 is 4
Until the day that is the day that are no more
Until the day the earth starts turning right to left
Until the earth just for the sun denies itself
Until dear Mother Nature says her work is through
Until the day that you are me and I am you
***
“Use your heart to love somebody, and if your heart is big enough, use your heart to love everybody.” Stevie Wonder
AW Spotlight
The British Swim School, Saving Lives Since 1981
By Krista Martinelli
The British Swim School in Wellington is a place with a mission, and its new owners Sarah and Howie Berkowitz are serious about water survival skills. “We’re saving lives every day!” says Howie. They want to use the experience that they went through, probably about the most frightening minute of their lives as parents, and get the word out to everyone about the danger of drowning.
While at a friend’s house, Sarah and Howie suddenly realized that their 18-month-old Jack had fallen into the hot tub. They were so lucky to find that Jack had climbed out of the hot tub on his own. To this day, they do not understand how Jack managed to climb out, as it was a deeper-than-usual hot tub. According to the Hoffmans, it was a life-changing event. In October (of 2012), they became the new franchise owners of the British Swim School, which offers a year-round, indoor, heated salt water pool. They focus on water survival skills first and then have lessons that progress all the way to advanced swimmers (pre-swim team) “the Sharks.”
They want to get the word out that the #1 cause of accidental deaths for children five and under is drowning. And, surprisingly, most drownings occur in bathtubs. They are pleased to present the British Swim School’s gentle method of teaching. “It’s a lesson plan that’s been proven to work and it’s been in place for 35 years,” says Sarah. They never just “throw a child into the pool” or force them into the pool. Instead their gentle, learning-while-having-fun method involves a lot of repetition and successful results.
Stephanie Bachar, their Aquatics Manager who has been teaching at the British Swim School for 2.5 years, says that when it comes to swim lessons, “the younger the better.” Their swim lessons begin for 3-month-old babies and are offered to all ages, including adults. By getting used to the water very early, “it gets rid of the fear,” says Stephanie. Everyone begins with water safety. The younger kids do a Mommy & Me (or Daddy & Me) style of swim class. With the youngest group, the “Tadpoles” who range from 3 months to 3 years old, the parents are also learning how to swim safely with their child.
The British Swim School has a cleverly-devised way of keeping track of their swimmers as they make their way through the different levels. (Check out their levels and pricing on their website). The swimmers progress from Tadpole to Swimboree to Young Minnows to Minnow and continue up to Sharks. They each wear a color-coded swim cap and everyone in the pool is responsible for looking out for the beginning swimmers, who wear white swim caps. As a recent franchise, the British Swim School is growing quickly and now has approximately 30 locations throughout the United States.
Their biggest challenge, according to Howie, is getting the awareness out there about drowning and the importance of swim survival skills. “A lot of people think of swimming as a sport and not as a survival skill,” says Stephanie. “We’re trying to change that.”
The students who take lessons at British Swim School really appreciate the fun approach to swim lessons. When you walk into their facility, which is located in the warehouse district of Wellington on Fortune Way, you see a lovely salt water pool with a TON of fun pool toys and floats. It’s an inviting and engaging setting. The parents also appreciate the ability to watch the lessons through the windows from an air-conditioned room. It’s peace of mind, knowing that their kids are learning important survival skills and having fun at the same time. “The parents also appreciate the coffee,” adds Sarah.
See the brief video with Sarah and Howie Hoffman and their Aquatics Manager Stephanie Bachar, talking about feedback from parents about the British Swim School (below).
Exceptional Swimmers Program
The British Swim School in Wellington was recently approved and added to the FAU directory for special needs teaching. This is a new class beginning this month for special needs students, teaching introductory skills to students who are 18 months thru six years old. Stephanie and two other instructors are certified to teach special needs students. Call for details and to be added to the waiting list for this group. It’s an exciting
opportunity to offer some extra time and attention to special needs students, including those on the autism spectrum. “We are happy to be able to open our doors for an additional hour for private, one-on-one lessons,” adds Sarah.
Great Birthday Parties
Looking for a fun place for your child’s next birthday party? You can use their 2,200 sq. foot facility for two hours and have up to 15 children with a “Basic Pool Party.” Party pricing includes a lifeguard on deck. This option allows parents the flexibility of bringing in their own food. Many families enjoy this affordable option and the ability to bring home-cooked food.
Or you can upgrade to a “Cool Pizza Party.” This includes an extra lifeguard on deck, 3 large pizzas, juice boxes and mini water bottles, as well as music, games and a bubble machine. Leave it all up to the British Swim School and relax with this cool party option. See their website for more birthday party details.
“The birthday parties have been a big hit!” says Sarah. The parents have appreciated that it’s an indoor pool (especially on those rainy days) and how easy it is to put on a fun party at the British Swim School location.
Building Confidence
At the British Swim School, they have found that young swimmers are building confidence in other areas, thanks to their newly-developed swimming skills. The survival swim classes are very small groups, just four students. It’s always fun to see a child become “the oldest” one in the class, suddenly in a position to guide the others. “Of course, it’s also a great work out and keeps kids healthy,” says Howie. We are happy to say that we’ve had families that have been with us for many years, progressing through our classes,” says Sarah. The British Swim School continues to be a great family tradition, owned by a local Wellington family!
Benefits of an Indoor Salt Water Pool
If you’ve been in Florida for a few years, you’ve probably noticed that it rains every few days in the summer months. This can be disruptive to swim lessons when children are using an outdoor pool, where several rainouts throw off the whole consistency of what they’ve been learning. It’s a great asset that the British Swim School offers an indoor pool. So whether you choose to sign up for classes twice a week (or more often), nothing disrupts the learning process.
A lot of their students are happier to be in a salt water pool too. “Some parents have noted that it’s better for their kids’ skin,” says Stephanie, especially in cases where there is eczema or skin sensitivity. The salt water doesn’t sting your eyes as it does in a chlorinated pool. “And we find it’s better practice for water survival skills. When they do water survival without goggles, it’s a more realistic scenario,” says Stephanie.
The Berkowitz’s are excited about what they do and it shows when they talk about the urgency of swim lessons. They have a very busy family life with three boys (13, 12 and 4), all interested in different activities. The new business has brought them closer together and taught their kids a good work ethic. “We found out that our middle son is our best salesperson,” says Howie. When they have presented at kids’ fairs, for example, he thrives on talking to new potential customers and handing out their information. Their older son has shown a great deal of responsibility and handled the front desk very well. He’s working up to passing the tests and being a swim instructor in the future too. Meanwhile, their youngest Jack is the whole reason for their emergence into this business, which they have incorporated under the name “Just Jack, Inc.” coincidentally. Every day that they can teach a new child to survive in the water, they are grateful and think of their own son Jack, who was lucky to survive the hot tub incident.
Parents and kids are invited to visit the British Swim School and observe a lesson any time. Please call ahead for times and information. If you have a child who has not learned water survival skills yet, why wait another day? And if you’re an adult who has never learned to swim, it’s never too late to learn. Call today…space is limited!
The British Swim School
Saving Lives Since 1981
3141 Fortune Way, Units 21 – 22
Next to Village Park
Wellington, FL 33414
561-855-7043
See their “Contest” at AroundWellington.com, which begins July 10th! Enter for your chance to win a month of once-a-week group lessons!
Living Green
Travel Green this Summer
By Jathynia Garcia
example no-electricity traditional Mayan huts on the beach in the Yucatan or simple but clean rooms with traditional scoop-water showers and bathrooms, affordable small hotels in the Caribbean that aim for the single college student or inter-island worker. All fall well short of traditional Western hotel amenities, certainly, but also have limited environmental demands and may be a tenth or less the price of a four-star hotel. For the local Floridian, you may even try tent camping for a super-cheap and green choice on Peanut Island. www.pbcgov.com/parks/peanutisland/Hi-Tech plumbing is a local plumbing contractor in the Wellington/ Royal Palm Beach area who specializes in all facets of plumbing service utilizing the latest & up-to date technology. For more information visit our website at www.hi-techplumbing.com or call our office at 561-790-6966. And remember Don’t fret… just call Hi-Tech!
Cantankerously Yours
He’s at it again
By Wendell Abern
Dear Easily-Duped,
When I moved to South Florida from Chicago fourteen years ago, I thought I had finally slipped the grubby tentacles of the VP/ICOAM (Vice President in Charge of Aggravating me).
Wrong. He followed me here. Many times, he has linked up with Borbick (the miniaturized terrorist who lives inside my computer).
Yesterday I discovered the VP/ICOAM is now working for Dr. Woods, a superb eye doctor I’ve been seeing for ten years.
I went to my appointment, arriving five minutes early, and was handed a sheaf of papers on my arrival.
“Before you go in,” the nurse said, “please fill out these forms to update your medical history. We have a new computer system, new software, new everything.”
“Forms? This looks like the Coral Springs phone book!”
“Well, we have to know if you have any new allergies, new medicines, things like that.”
“Can’t you just transfer from the old files?”
“No, we have a new administrator. Every patient has to fill these out.”
Ah. The VP/ICOAM, of course.
“A new administrator,” I said. “I know who he is.”
“It’s a woman.”
“He had a sex change.”
“Please just fill these out.”
Took me 20 minutes. Under current medical problems, I wrote, “P.M.S.” Under new medical conditions, I wrote, “Five months pregnant.”
Then I had my semi-annual eye exam. Eyes are perfect.
* *` *
Now I happen to believe in acknowledging ability, and while I have been castigating the VP/ICOAM for years, I feel it only fair at this time to cite one of his positive accomplishments, which is truly outstanding. Recently, he instituted a new policy to increase the efficiency of everyone working at the Broward County Veteran’s Administration:
He has instructed everyone to not answer telephones.
Like many revolutionary ideas … simple, but brilliant.
I have lived with the VP’s little ploys for decades, so I know exactly how he operates. His forte is rabble-rousing. He could whip a nunnery into a frenzied mob. Whenever he doles out instructions to implement a program at a new organization, he calls a staff meeting. The one he held at the Broward County VA can be easily replicated.
VP: “Okay, no one answers the phone during business hours. Now why, do you think? Can I hear from someone?”
“No more interruptions!”
VP: “No more interruptions! But what if someone is sick and needs help right away?”
“Piece o’ cake! First message you get when you call the main number is to call 9-1-1 if you got an emergency.”
VP: “Good! And if they have an extension number and dial it direct?”
“You get a message … says leave a message!”
VP: “And what if someone’s messages pile up and require hours to answer?”
“You limit the number of messages!”
VP: “Excellent! What else, with no interruptions? Let me hear it, people!”
“No crotchety old veterans seeking help!”
VP: “No crotcheties! Good!”
“No constant repetitions to deaf octogenarians!”
VP: “No repeating! More!”
“No more grocery lists from the wife!”
VP: “No more lists! No more interruptions! Let me hear it, people!”
“NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS! NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS! NO MORE…”
I really wish I’d been there.
Recently, I needed a refill of my blood pressure medication. I called my nurse practitioner to order it because my form read, “No refills remaining.” Her message asked me to leave my name, phone number and reason for the call. Before I could do that, the recorded message continued, “The owner of this mailbox is not accepting any messages. Good-bye.”
I called back the main number, waited through the menu and punched in the number to talk to an operator. I waited 28 rings. No answer.
For five consecutive days, I called my nurse practitioner six times a day. Never reached her. Was never able to leave a message.
Using the portable equipment I’d bought a few years earlier, I measured my blood pressure. Terrific if I were a horse. Choosing not to run in the Preakness, I called my kids in Chicago, and told them what was going on, and if I died suddenly, to sue the Veteran’s Administration for malfeasance, indifference, arrogance and nasal twangs; to make it publicly humiliating, and for dollars beginning at seven zeros.
Having run out of phone options, I had to drive to the VA. I walked to my section (Bravo), and on the way spotted someone talking on the phone.
When he’d hung up, I said, “What are you doing?”
“Excuse me?”
“You were talking on the phone! Are you new here or something? Aren’t you aware of the policy? I’m going to report you!”
He stood up. All six-foot four of him. He could eviscerate a hippo with his bare hands. “I got two ideas,” he said. “First, you get out of my face. Second, you go see a shrink.”
Then his phone rang. He looked at me. “You wanna answer that?” he asked. I walked away.
I went to Bravo section and handed my re-order form to the clerk.
“You’re late with this,” he said.
“I tried to phone it in.”
He chuckled, turned to the computer and punched in my prescription number. “Should come in the mail in a couple of days or so,” he said.
I went home and thought about all of the bad press the Veteran’s Administration has received recently. However, if the VP/ICOAM has recommended his new policy to national headquarters and all of the VA clinics in the country stop answering phones, all branches will improve their efficiency.
Meanwhile, as I write this, I still have not received my blood pressure medication.
* * *
Tomorrow, I have to call Dr. Sider, my wonderful internist at the Cleveland Clinic. If the VP/ICOAM has taken over their phone system, I may have to get a new internist. Or shrink.
Cantankerously Yours,
Wendell Abern
Wendell Abern can be reached at dendyabern@comcast.net.
As I Was Saying
Heart Throb
By Alan Williamson
Most days I wake up in the morning, eat breakfast, toss back some coffee, go to work and everything kind of unfolds within the familiar framework of my daily life. Now don’t get me wrong – there are surprises, small adventures and moments of spontaneous departure from the established plot lines, but for the most part, I can count on the essential who, what, where and when of my life being firmly in place on a daily basis.
Except . . . for the Monday morning my heart started beating like an extended drum solo performed by a manic-depressive jazz musician. It sped up. It slowed down. At one point, it even played an African-influenced bongo riff from Paul Simon’s Rhythm of the Saints album. The end result of all this uncoordinated percussion was that my heart stopped efficiently pumping blood to the rest of my body, making me lightheaded, dizzy, and morbidly preoccupied with my own mortality.
A quickly arranged trip to my doctor for an EKG revealed that I was experiencing something called “atrial fibrillation.” A-fib, I was told, is an irregular heartbeat where the heart’s two upper chambers (the atria) beat chaotically and out of synch with the two lower chambers of the heart,
affectionately referred to as “the ventricles.” This disruption in the heart’s electrical system causes poor blood flow to the body, heart palpitations, weakness, and an increased risk of stroke.
“This is all good information,” I told my doctor, “but there’s one small problem. You’ve got the wrong guy.”
“Are you the guy whose wife drove you over here because you had a rapid heartbeat and dizziness?” she countered coolly.
“Yes,” I conceded, “but this is the kind of thing that happens to unhealthy people – people with heart disease, high blood pressure or a thyroid condition. I’m in the best shape of my life, I work out, I meditate, eat whole foods, don’t smoke, drink red wine moderately, and have never been admitted to a hospital in over 50 years on this planet.”
“Well your heart didn’t get the memo,” she pointed out. “I’m putting you in the hospital for further tests.”
Going from a self-reliant man in command of his destiny to a patient with three IV’s in his arm and a skimpy hospital gown covering up roughly 50% of his God-given goodies is a serious blow to a guy’s pride.
“I’ll run home and bring you some sleep pants,” my wife volunteered. “Anything else you want?”
“Do we have any ‘Get Out of Hospital Free’ cards lying around?” I ventured lamely.
Any remaining shred of manly dignity disappeared the first time I had to pee in the plastic container they put at my bedside. Had I known I’d be relieving myself in a plastic jug any time soon, I would have practiced at home in my spare time to hone my speed and accuracy. As if taking a wiz propped up in bed while strangers walk by your open door wasn’t degrading enough, I then had to hang my steaming micro-brew from the IV stand for visitors to gaze at.
“Just bottled a fresh batch,” I told the nurse stopping in to check on me. “I’m calling it Haywire Heart Amber Ale.”
“Did they tell you what needs to happen by tomorrow morning?” she asked, unimpressed with my entrepreneurial spirit.
“Is that the part where I wake up and realize this was all a dream?”
“Actually, with the help of these IVs, your heart needs to convert back to a normal rhythm by then.”
“And if it doesn’t?”
“If it doesn’t, we put you under and electrically shock your heart to interrupt the arrhythmia.”
“Sounds like a plan,” I nodded thoughtfully. “Listen, if for some reason I’m not here in the morning, feel free to start without me.”
Fortunately, my heart did convert back to a normal rhythm, at 11:46 that night to be precise. I know this because I woke up out of a fitful sleep to see a nurse standing under the clock at the foot of my bed saying, “You converted.” Groggily coming to, my mind scrambled to grasp her words – I converted? To Judaism? Organic living? A life of fighting crime wearing a skimpy hospital gown?
“Your heart converted back to a normal rhythm,” she clarified. “Now go back to sleep so we can get on our schedule of waking you up every 20 minutes throughout the night.”
With my heart back on script, the only remaining concern was why it went rogue on me in the first place. Because all the tests confirmed that I didn’t have any underlying heart disease, high blood pressure or thyroid issues, all the main causes of A-fib didn’t apply. The cardiologist called it “lone atrial fibrillation,” which is basically medical jargon for “sometimes shit happens and with any luck it won’t happen again.”
Here’s what I think happened. My pericardium, a thin, two-layered, fluid-filled sac that covers the outer surface of the heart, became inflamed because of a viral infection. With the membrane around the heart swollen, the pressure caused changes in the normal heart rhythm bringing on the isolated episode of atrial fibrillation in an otherwise healthy man. But hey, I’m no expert . . . just a guy with a computer who Googles the Mayo Clinic.com and the New England Journal of Medicine.
Just to be safe though, I have made some lifestyle changes. I’ve converted to an organic diet and taken up interval training wearing a hospital gown. The healthy eating and extra exercise are great for my heart, and wearing the hospital gown reminds me of a profound but simple truism:
Life is short, so live fully and cover your ass when you can.
Alan Williamson is an award-winning writer with 27 years in the field of true fiction
(advertising). A practical man who knows that writing for a living is risky
going, he has taken steps to pursue a second, more stable career as a leggy
super model. Alan can be reached at alwilly@bellsouth.net. © 2013 Alan Williamson.
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