As I Was Saying
The Best Buy Speakers Bureau: Where Talk Is Cheap
By Alan Williamson
Make your next event memorable with a crowd-pleasing, low-cost speaker.
Thornton “Buck” Bradley has been called “the quintessential keynote speaker” by Keynote Quarterly as well as “one guy with the gift of gab” by Talk Magazine. Bradley has earned a reputation for speaking eloquently in front of large crowds at business functions without prior knowledge of the function’s purpose or the makeup of his audience.
A high school graduate, licensed microphone operator, and subscriber to various periodicals, he has a knack for winning over audiences by addressing them frequently as “a fine group of buckeroos” and limiting his speeches to exactly 11 minutes.
Mr. Bradley lives in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee with his imaginary wife Brie and some canned goods.
Lip “Fritz” Weezy is a corporate consultant and speaker who rose to national prominence by avoiding the clichés “commitment to excellence” and “state-of-the-art technology” for 37 consecutive speaking engagements.
The previous record for not using the barren, hackneyed phrases was held by Jolting Joe Di Marcio, a consultant from Wheeling, West Virginia, who was cliché-free for 56 speeches, used “state-of-the-art” at a digital media seminar, then started another cliché-free streak of 31 talks.
Mr. Weezy lives in a Winnebago recreational vehicle outside of Forest City, Iowa with his collection of cologne bottles.
U. Gene Weslo is a self-help guru and author of the best-selling books Unleash Your Full Potential Without Doing A Flipping Thing, Turn Your Life Around By Talking Louder, and the back-to-basics diet sensation Eat Less And Move Your Ass.
Mr. Weslo’s speaking tours keep him on the road 200 days out of the year, sharing the personal wisdom behind his wildly popular books and seminars. His many nuggets of inspiration include such penetrating insights as:
“Happiness is a choice you make when you feed your subconscious the nutrition of yes.”
“You prepare for greatness by maximizing your must-ness.”
“Dare to embrace your inner hero and your worries will surrender to the odor of your aura.”
Mr. Weslo lives in a public park outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico where we maintains a profound communion with the force of Source that allows him to master a sacred rhythm to carry him peacefully amidst the noise and haste.
Dr. Kip Caramia is a Unitarian Universalist minister whose best-selling book Still Looking: Am I Getting Warmer? became the springboard for a speaking career that has taken him on nationwide tours of second-rate amphitheaters, band shells and flea market food courts.
Dr. Caramia’s cosmic reflections include the following philosophical treasures:
“The human family must live as one and take turns with the vacuuming.”
“Take heed – it is later than you think. It is well past Leno and halfway through Fallon.”
“We have been told that it is a sin to lie and steal and commit adultery. Let’s add to that spitting and talking on a cell phone in a public restroom.”
“We must pray not only for our loved one, but for the loved ones of those we consider scum.”
Alan “Alwilly” Williamson was nominated for a Golden Globe in 2003 for his portrayal of Eleanor Roosevelt in the TV mini-series “Eleanor After Hours.” Retired from acting after a failed attempt to pass himself off as a Baldwin brother, today he speaks to housewives, veterinarians and backhoe operators throughout Michigan’s Upper Peninsula about the importance of grunting when lifting heavy objects.
Growing up in a rural town that offered minimal distractions, Mr. Williamson’s passion for writing speeches surfaced early. He recalls spending a substantial portion of his adolescence in his room with the door closed crafting witty presentations of profound insight and startling originality.
(Editor’s Note: In the interest of historical perspective, the discovery by Mr. Williamson’s mother of a life-size cardboard cutout of Barbara Eden under his bed suggests other explanations for his time alone.)
Bilingual in English and Gobbledegook, he is an accomplished automobile operator and avid wearer of tube socks. Mr. Williamson has recently cut back on his speaking schedule due to a tongue injury sustained with trying to pronounce the word “incalculable.”
Alan Williamson is an award-winning writer with 27 years in the field of true fiction (advertising). A practical man who knows that writing for a living is risky going, he has taken steps to pursue a second, more stable career as a leggy super model. Alan can be reached at alwilly@bellsouth.net. © 2011 Alan Williamson.