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February, 2012 – Saturday Night Lights

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Wellington Elementary Invites you to Saturday Night Lights

 

Wellington Elementary School is inviting the public to join them for a fun-filled night at Saturday Night Lights hosted by the Palm Beach International Equestrian Center on Saturday, February 11th.  This event has entertainment for the whole family, such as a live band, a children’s fair with a petting zoo, street performers, face painters, and more!   There is a large variety of shopping and dining vendors as well. Several local businesses have generously donated items for a silent auction to benefit the school’s PTO. Gates open at 6:00 p.m. For more information, please contact Wellington Elementary at (561) 651-0600.

February, 2012 – Romance & Politics

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February, 2012 – Romance & Politics

February, 2012krista-joe-tree2

 

Valentine’s Day is on the horizon.  So as we write out Valentine’s Day cards with our little ones for their classmates, order flowers for our loved ones or indulge in a few extra chocolates, many of our AroundWellington.com writers are thinking along the same lines.  In “Teen Talk” by Jessica Small, she gives an excellent definition of love and what it means in “Forever and Always.”  She always strikes me as “wiser than her years!”

 

And as the Presidential election heats up with more and more negative ads, we have our own local elections to remember here in Wellington and Royal Palm Beach. Mark your calendars now for March 13th for the local elections.  I recently interviewed Felicia Matula, who is running for Mayor in Royal Palm Beach against the incumbent Mayor Matty Mattioli.  Matula has some good, new ideas about how to run the meetings and a positive attitude.  Check out her story and videos under “AW Stories of the Month.”  Note: I plan on interviewing Mayor Mattioli later this week and posting his story on the same page in the near future. 

 

Each month we feature one of the businesses among our advertiser

Ultra Cleaners, Wellington's Favorite Dry Cleaner
Ultra Cleaners, Wellington's Favorite Dry Cleaner

 list and for February we’re pleased to introduce you to Ultra Cleaners, Wellington’s Favorite Dry Cleaner. Check out “AW Spotlight” for the interview with owner Bob Salerno and to find out what makes them so good at what they do!  Also see the related “Video.”

 

I need to thank Alan Williamson of “As I Was Saying” and Wendell Abern of “Cantankerously Yours” for making me laugh out loud each month!  Alan: “People compare me to Matt Lauer. They say I’m no Matt Lauer.” And Wendell gives us several excellent examples of Hebonics, the language structure that Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at New York University, termed the unusual sentence contructions used by Jewish immigrants.  Good stuff!

 

In “Travel with Terri,” Terri Marshall takes us to “Seven Uniquely Chicago Experiences.” Whether you’re from Chicago, have visited the Windy City or would like to get there someday soon, you’ll find these hot spots and experiences good ones to add to your list of things to do. 

 

Need a few clues in how to get a thoughtful Valentine’s gift for your spouse?  In “Ask Dr. Z,” she responds to a concerned husband who feels that he cannot find the right gift for his wife for Valentine’s Day. 

 

Have you ever noticed how Wellington is not just a horse town – it’s also a dog lover’s town?  It’s something that writer Barbara Phillippi noticed and it’s one of the reasons she started writing her column “Dog Walkin’ Wellington.”  This month she visits a few barns and describes the pack of dogs, who hang out with the horses.

 

Every month you can see what night Kids Eat Free, thanks to one of our favorite Wellington moms Shawn Thompson in “Kids Corner.”  Shawn is also our friendly advertising representative, so if you’d like to give your business a good local boost in the new year, give her a call (561-386-1372). 

 

Shawn, along with Ellen Zacharia of Temple Beth Zion in Royal Palm Beach, are organizing another Coupon Swap on February 22nd.  So please RSVP (to Shawn at her number above) if you’d like to join us for another fun, money-saving experience at 7pm at Temple Beth Zion. See details on our “Press Releases” page or under “Events” on the AroundWellington.com Facebook page. 

 

So would you like to get rid of some old baggage and begin this new year the right way?  Whether it’s old relationships that are harmful, habits that are counterproductive or other issues, Bryan Hayes writes about an interesting “burning bowl” ceremony that he participated in this month in “Living Green.”

 

You want great contests?  We had 4 happy contest winners last month – both through our website and through our AroundWellington.com Facebook page.  Check our “Contest” page because we’re having great contests at least twice a month now!  THANKS to Massage Envy for providing the monthly awesome prize of a one-hour gift certificate!!

 

Once again I’ve said too much!  I tell our writers to aim for 500 words, and yep – I’ve gone further than that here.  Anyway, Happy February to you all!

 

Cheers,

 

Krista Martinelli

Editor

(561) 965-6617

[email protected]

www.aroundwellington.com

Around Wellington® Magazine

“Tell our advertisers you saw it in Around Wellington”

Subscribe  to Around Wellington Online for FREE

 

 

March, 2012 – Walk Now for Autism Speaks

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March, 2012 – Walk Now for Autism Speaks

2012 Palm Beach
Walk Now for Autism Speaks

And 2nd Annual Palm Beach Run Before Walk

Sunday, March 4, 2012
City Commons, West Palm Beach

 

You can participate in the school recongition program benefiting Autism Speaks. Click here for more information.

Join Autism Speaks as we walk to change the future for all who struggle with autism!

 

walknowforautismspeaksT-Shirt Contest Winner!
And the winner is…Design D!
Congratulations also to Robert H. whose Design B concept was the first runner up. Design B may be used on an alternate version of the event day tee.

For more information on the 2012 Run Before the Walk Now for Autism Speaks click HERE. To register for the run click HERE and choose either Individual or Youth Registration for Run under fees.

Walk Now for Autism Speaks is a fun-filled, family friendly event and is our single most powerful force to fund vital research that will lead us to the answers we need. Experience the power of thousands united by a single cause by joining Walk Now for Autism Speaks. Autism is the fastest-growing serious developmental disorder in the U.S. – we need more volunteers to join our fight. Whether this is your first walk or the 11th, take the first step and register today. You will not only raise funds, but you will become a part of a fun and supportive family-focused community.

Every 15 minutes, another family receives the devastating news that their child has an autism spectrum disorder. Help us change that! Start fundraising today. Whether you strive to join our “Grand Club” (walkers that raise $1,000 or more) or sell lemonade to boost your total or create your own unique event, you become a part of the solution! Don’t wait another minute – start a corporate, school or family team today!

We look forward to seeing you at the event! Click HERE to register.

Questions or Comments? Contact us at [email protected] or (954)421-9997

Bring a bag of gently used clothes to walk! Fundraising for the Future will be collecting gently used clothes at the event. Proceeds will benefit the 2012 Palm Beach Walk Now for Autism Speaks.

Fundraising for the Future is a program created to raise money by recycling used clothing. The program has no cost to you and is simple to do. The more bags of gently used clothes the more money you get credited to your fundraising total!

What’s collected:

•New or Gently worn clothing of all ages and sizes(no stains,rips or holes)
•New or Gently worn shoes of all ages and sizes(in pairs only)
•Belts
•Handbags
•Light Linens
•Towels

 

Congratulations to Bill S. for his winning design concept. This design concept will be used on all event day tee shirts given to Walkers who raise a minimum of $150.00 at all of our Walk Now for Autism Speaks events.

Thanks to your support there were over 600 votes cast to decide the winning design.  More info…

February, 2012 – Ultra Cleaners, Wellington’s Favorite Dry Cleaner

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February, 2012 – Ultra Cleaners, Wellington’s Favorite Dry Cleaner

AW Spotlight

 

Ultra Cleaners – Wellington’s Favorite Dry Cleaner

 

By Krista Martinelli

 

At Ultra Cleaners, the staff enjoys the challenge of solving problems. “People will come in with a favorite dress with tough stains that they don’t expect us to be able to remove. And we can usually make it look brand new,” says Bob Salerno, owner. “It’s the best part of my job.”

With five locations including one in Wellington at the Pointe at

Ultra Cleaners in Wellington, FL
Ultra Cleaners in Wellington, FL

 Wellington Green, Ultra Cleaners is fully equipped to handle many different services. At the Wellington location in particular, they do all of their work on site. This allows them to turn around clothing more quickly than many other local dry cleaners.

“If you needed a shirt for a job interview the same morning,” says Bob, “We could even do it in an hour.” They have a top-of-the-line machine for pressing shirts in the Wellington store.

They also offer a loyalty program, which has been quite popular. Loyal customers get a punch card and after five visits, they get 10% off their order. After ten visits, they get 20% off their order. It’s a built-in discount program that 80% of their customers take advantage of and enjoy.

Salerno wishes that people had more of maintenance program in

Alterations available Monday thru Saturday
Alterations available Monday thru Saturday

 mind for their clothing in general. “It’s not just about coming in and bringing in clothes when they’re stained or dirty,” he says. For example, regularly bringing in men’s polo shirts to be cleaned and pressed makes a world of difference in both appearance and the longevity of the clothing. “You get a crisper, nicer appearance and better care of your clothes overall.”

Ultra Cleaners offers professional dry cleaning and same day service. They also offer many other convenient services…

 

·         Expert alterations and repairs (Monday thru Saturday)

·         Leather and suede cleaning

·         Comforters and bedding, including whole pillows

·         Shoe repair

·         Wedding gown cleaning and restoration

·         Area and Persian rug professional cleaning

 

 

Customers appreciate the staff at Ultra Cleaners. With the same staff for almost the same 6.5 years they have been in business, Ultra Cleaners makes a point of getting to know their customers and being on a first-name basis with them. Perhaps this is why they have so many loyal customers. They appreciate the small-town, friendly feel that they get when they walk into Ultra Cleaners. 

 

The in-house top-of-the-line shirt pressing machine
The in-house top-of-the-line shirt pressing machine

“When we make a mistake – because sometimes mistakes will happen,” says Salerno, “we always take the opportunity to do more than expected and build upon the relationship that we already have with the customer.” The customers clearly appreciate that too.

 

 

 

 

 

How has the economy affected the dry cleaning business?  “People are doing more with less,” explains Salerno. People are wearing their clothes more times before bringing them in for a cleaning.  However, it’s a shame, according to Salerno, since sometimes this takes a toll on the clothing.  For all businesses, including his own, he is hoping for a speedy economic recovery.

Salerno stays very active in our “Around Wellington” community by serving as an Ambassador for the Wellington Chamber of Commerce and being a member in the Wellington Rotary Club. 

He is very much a family man, married to his wife Carri and they will celebrate their 20th anniversary in May.  They have two daughters – Paige, a freshman at UCF and Jayme, a sophomore at Palm Beach Central High School.  He has grown accustomed to living in a house full of girls – “Even the dogs are girls in my house,” he says.  They have lived in Wellington for eight years, after moving here from NewUltra Cleaners York. 

If you’re looking for fast, reliable dry cleaning service with a family feel inside the shop, Ultra Cleaners by the Mall at Wellington Green (between Cold Stone Creamery and Palm Beach Puppies) is definitely the place to go. Check out their other locations as well.  Just visit their website below.

 

 

 

Ultra Cleaners

Wellington’s Favorite Dry Cleaner

The Pointe at Wellington Green

Wellington, FL 33414

(561) 753-6200

See the Ultra Cleaners ad on

AroundWellington.com for 10% OFF!

http://ultracleanerspb.com/

 

February, 2012 – The Year to Be Bold

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February, 2012 – The Year to Be Bold

bryan-hayesLiving Green

The Year to Be Bold

By Bryan Hayes

 

Where did the year go?  I cannot believe we are once again on to yet another new year, (both American and Chinese).   With this being the Chinese lunar year of the dragon, there are many dragons in our lives. 

What are some of the dragons you wish to slay?  For me, the New Year is a symbol for new beginnings.  It is a time to reflect, to gauge where I have been and where I want to go.    This pertains to all aspects of my life from personal, professional and my continued pursuit of “Going Green.” 

On New Year’s Eve, I participated in a burning bowl ceremony.  The way the ceremony works is I look at all the things that are no longer working for me.  They are possibly relationships that have run their course, or they could be practices and habits that are not in my best interest or a myriad of other things.  It is a private list that is made with positive intention and then upon completion is burned in a ceremonial bowl.   That is the first step.   The second step is writing down all the goals and aspirations that want to be accomplished in 2012.   At the end of the year, upon looking back where do you want to be?   That is the question I ask myself.

In terms of “Going Green” one of my intentions is to remember my canvas bags when I go into the grocery store.  As with many people, I do have the best intentions.  But I must confess that I get busy and leave them in the car sometimes.  And this dragon I must slay.  Until then, I turn it into a positive. 

One of my other goals is to be consistent with a budget.  When looking through my spending analysis, shopping for food is right up there.  So my work around is if I forget to bring in the bags I simply reduce the grocery list to only the items I can carry in my hands.  And I know that I could just as easily go back to the car and get the canvas bags but this way it provides me the opportunity to review what I really need versus what I want.

For me, it is a continual process and I am perpetually in pursuit of ways I can manage myself better and in doing so work towards being a better steward of the environment and the community.  Some of the items that I have found beneficial for myself, I will share with you.  They are all rather simple, so you do not need a drastic lifestyle change to put them into action.

Bottled water is a convenience that we have become accustomed to, but reducing the bottled water consumed is just one way to reduce the amount of plastic used.  Since we are on the topic of water, you can switch your washing machine from hot water to cold water and use less energy.  A way to save water is to run a fully-loaded dishwasher, instead of washing dishes by hand (unless you use only a very small amount of dishes) and when drying the dishes have them air-dried rather than heat dried.  And, for a non-water tip, check the air pressure in your tires.  Improperly inflated tires decrease your gas mileage, and with gas prices as they are – every little bit can help.

Little changes can and do make a difference.  This is the year of the dragon and the year to be bold.  My bold prediction is that this is going to be a great one, and my hope for you is that you are off to a green new year!

Bryan Hayes is an actor, amateur photographer, business consultant and full-time lover of all things living.  He will be co-hosting a new show “Greenology 101.”

February, 2012 – Financial Advice for Married Couples

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Financial Advice for Married Couples

By Vanessa Stolarski

Marriage injects us with a reality for which we might be unprepared. “What?! My partner’s maxed-out Visa is now my problem?” Yes, you married a loving partner who shares your passion for geocaching, but you also married his college loans, credit card debt and overspending habits. Granted, it’s not your idea of pillow talk, but getting intimate is about more than buying sexy lingerie. It means baring your accordion files and laying down your statements to reveal all your dirty debt. Cozy up to the idea that a little post-nuptial planning and a ton of honesty can help cast aside some newlywed nuisances.

The Naked Truth

A credit check for a mortgage application will reveal your financial past anyway, so you might as well bare yourself and talk about your debt ahead of time. Sit down with your partner before entering into any major investments and itemize your expenses. Additionally, be direct about where your priorities lie in terms of savings. Being honest about your financial goals from the start will prevent embarrassment later.

Reveal Details

Get down to the nitty-gritty and ask yourself: Do I really believe I can keep my designer jeans habit a secret till death do us part? Probably not. So you better start revealing the dirty details of your spending habits now. For better or worse.

Get Insured

Budgeting for groceries and mortgage payments is a no-brainer. But newlywed financing tends to devalue items like retirement funds, life insurance and savings. Sure, it’s hard to imagine canasta and shuffleboard games now, but global investment management firm T. Rowe Price insists it’s never too early to start saving. Life insurance protects your loved ones’ financial security in the event of your passing. Savings allowances protect against suffering life’s surprises — from the catastrophic, like employment layoffs, to the inconvenient, like engine failure.

Plan for the Long-Term

Once you account for your total monthly bills and budget, you both should discuss your investment options. Your financial institution can assist, but Forbes recommends doing your own research. Discover the investment options that offer the greatest return for your long-term plans, and you can both cozy up to a long life of financial security. More . . .

Vanessa Stolarski spent 12 years in publishing and 15 years in the restaurant business. She has served as food and wine editor for a newspaper in Washington, D.C., managing editor for “Northern Virginia” magazine and contributing writer for regional and parenting magazines. She has won multiple Virginia Press Awards. She works with sustainable farms to promote consumer awareness and has extensive expertise in infant-toddler nutrition.

February, 2012 – Stray Thoughts: The Facebook Postings, Vol. II

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February, 2012 – Stray Thoughts: The Facebook Postings, Vol. II

Alan WilliamsonAs I Was Saying

 

Stray Thoughts: The Facebook Postings, Vol. II

 

By Alan Williamson

 

Occasionally someone will come up to me and say, “Alan, why don’t you gather some of your more thoughtful Facebook postings and present them in a column for people to enjoy over a cinnamon bun or some flatbread crackers?” My response is always the same: “Thanks, Mom, that’s very sweet of you, and you have some flatbread cracker on your chin.” Here then, without any further preamble, is my second collection of Facebook postings. Enjoy with a sensible snack and a beverage of your choosing.

 

*       People say that swimming in a lake where there’s alligators is dangerous. But I say driving a car is much more dangerous. Especially if there’s an alligator hiding in the backseat.

 

*       A good laugh significantly decreases the stress chemicals cortisol and epinephrine say researchers at Loma Linda University.

 Wait . . . Loma Linda? BWA-HA-HA-HA!! (Hey it worked.)

 

*       Is the phrase “vicious cycle” or “vicious circle”? Either way, the viciousness must stop before another cycle (or circle) takes us from bad to worse. Is it “bad to worse” or “bad to worst”? You know what? Forget I even asked. This is starting to feel like a vicious circle (or cycle).

 

*       BOB – such a strange name. It’s spelled the same forward and backward and when you say it a bunch of times in a row it sounds weirder and weirder.

 

*        Soft and monotonous favorites to numb your nagging fears and doubts: You’re listening to Breezy 93.

 

*       Mahi Mahi? Sure, sure.

 

*       Who am I to ask you to quit smoking? I’m the guy who taught Tina Turner how to dance. I’m also the guy who led the National League in triples back in 1986 while playing for the Chicago White Sox. And while we’re on the subject, I’m also the guy who invented the double zipper zip lock freezer bag. So there you have it. Feeling pretty stupid about now aren’t you, tar breath?

 

*       People compare me to Matt Lauer. They say I’m no Matt Lauer.

 

*       Dear TV Answer Man: My wife and I used to enjoy a show Thursday nights on NBC called “Steinfeld” or “Seinholdt.” It featured a wacky neighbor named Cosmo and a fat guy named Newman. I believe there was also a nasally guy named Jerry. We have not seen it in quite awhile and wondered if it’s been canceled.

 

*       My podiatrist has forbidden me to run or work out until my foot heals. Also forbidden: pretending my foot has healed so I can run or work out.

 

*       Hanging with the Duke of Puddingcrust and the Countess of Chillingsfarth at Prince Harry’s after-party. Hope my regrettable behavior during a spirited game of Strip Royal Rummy will not become fodder for the tabloids.

 

*       Easy, tranquilizing favorites to quell the crazy, self-tormenting talk in your head: You’re listening to Breezy 93.

 

*        If the day ever comes where I’m sought after for product endorsements, I’d be thrilled to pitch trail mix. Also, shirts made with a blend of natural fabrics that can wick away moisture. Also, anything garlic-roasted.

 

*       March comes in like a lion, goes out like a lamb, and in between features deep discounts on ham.

 

*       Who am I to ask you to quit smoking? I’m the guy who asks people things, like “what’s your middle name?” and “where do you get your sunglasses?” and “how often do you change your oil?” and “will you quit smoking?” That’s who I am.

 

*       Melancholy cow, your moo is moody now. This farm can be so hurtful, always looking for a squirtful. (From the title song off my new country music CD “Melancholy Cow.”)

 

*       A Pompano Beach, Florida man claims he’s owed money as the creator of the sporting event rallying cry “DA-DA-DA-DAT-DA-DA — CHARGE!!” Welcome to the club buddy. I’ve yet to collect a dime for my “WINNER WINNER STIR-FRY DINNER!!”

 

*       My birth certificate is available upon request. This notion that I was raised by wolves in the Ukrane is an insult to me and my parents. Aw-aw-awwooooooo!!!!

 

*       Will everyone named Terry or Jan please report to the Department of Gender Vague Identities. Ask for Pat.

 

*       Yesterday I ate Greek yogurt that was 4 days past its expiration date; today a hard boiled egg 3 days past due. That’s right people – from now on I make my own rules! Anyone got a problem with that?

 

*       Here’s a short excerpt from my new book, Killer Jellyfish of the Jersey Shore: “Aaaaiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!”

 

*       Who am I to ask you to quit smoking? Well for one thing, I’m a live and let live kind of guy. So if I’m asking you to quit smoking, you know it must be important. Otherwise, I’d just continue with my live and let live shtick. See where I’m coming from? I don’t usually butt in. It’s not my style. Are we done here? I’m pretty sure we’re done here.

 

Alan Williamson is an award-winning writer with 27 years in the field of true fiction (advertising). A practical man who knows that writing for a living is risky going, he has taken steps to pursue a second, more stable career as a leggy super model. Alan can be reached at [email protected].  © 2011 Alan Williamson.

 

February, 2012 – Kids and Electronics…How Much is Too Much?

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Kids and Electronics: How Much is Too Much?

By Ayo Hart

In the world of social media and networking sites, text messages and Skype, children are being introduced to new “friends” every day. Now I know why my cul de sac is empty after school.

Today’s teens and tweens prefer Facebook, texting and Skype as their means of communication.  Gradeschoolers are joining Club Penguin—”Facebook Jr.”  I’m sure you’ve witnessed what I have seen all too often: a group of kids walking or sitting together texting friends or updating their Facebook statuses, completely oblivious to the group of friends with whom they’re sitting.  

What about a 5 p.m. carpool, where the interior of a dark car is full of kids whose faces are lit up by their iTouch’s, DS’s and other hand-held gaming devices?

We all know the role Facebook played in President Obama’s 2008 campaign—and the role networking sites continue to play in politics and business worldwide—not to mention the countless stories of friends and family reunited through social media.

Do 12 year-olds belong on Facebook? And does she really have 429 “friends”?

Is it a problem if children are creating online profiles at younger ages? Do they lack the maturity to understand the repercussions of using these sites unwisely?  Are sites like Togetherville, ScuttlePad and What’s What safer? Call me old-fashioned, but I can’t for the life of me understand why children don’t pick up the phone and call a friend after school anymore. I’m told by the high school athletes that I coach even emails are passé! 

Please log in and join our discussion as we look at the following questions: 

·                                 At what age can a child join social media sites?

·                                 How many hours of screen time—TV, computer, hand-held gaming, other—does your child have per week?

·                                 Aside from “parental controls” how do you monitor your children online? 

·                                 How much time do you think your child spends on social networking sites each week—including time spent on sites via smartphones?

·                                 Does your child have a cell phone s/he uses for more than just an emergency?

·                                 Do you monitor your child’s use of his or her cell phone?

There’s a lot to talk about. Join in!

Thank you to the Bedford Katonah Patch for this story.  Log in and join their discussion groups on this and other interesting topics.

 

 

February, 2012 – A Way to Save “Lost Humor”

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February, 2012 – A Way to Save “Lost Humor”

wendell-abern-cantank-yoursCantankerously Yours

A Way to Save “Lost Humor”

 

By Wendell Abern

 

 

Dear Humor Buffs,

 

          About a year ago, I wrote a column entitled, “Humor, It Shouldn’t Get Lost,” lamenting the disappearance of Jewish humor.  The column pointed out that many of the old Jewish comics had died, along with their particular brand of comedy – which featured a heavy old-country accent and strange sentence structures.

          “Hebonics,” as Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at New York University termed the unusual sentence contructions used by immigrants, continues to wilt because Jewish immigration has trickled to almost nothing. Further, assimilation has limited those endearing old accents to a diminishing number of comedians.

          Interestingly, I received several e-mails from readers who shared my feelings of loss.

          Now I am proposing a resurrection of this waning humor that fits right in with today’s digital age:  recorded messages with Jewish accents!

          We all spend inordinate amounts of time on hold, listening to recorded voices, or hearing a message delivered by one of today’s whizbang electronic products.  Why not hire a few of those comedians to give us a few chuckles while we wait?

          And so, with an assist from many Jewish writers and comedians, I offer the following.

          1 – Recording for a credit card company.

“ABC Credit Card, please tap out your ten-digit card number, using the numbers on your phone.  (PAUSE)  Okay, you vanta know your balance?  Please hold.  (PAUSE)  Oy vay, you don’t vanta hear that.  Vait a tsecond, I’ll get you a macher, could help you.”

          2 – Recording for a middle-aged woman.

          “You called to ask about my heartburn, maybe?  My sciatica?  Or my root canal from yesterday, cost me you vouldn’t believe.  Vait’ll you hear vot else is happening to my body.  Leave a number and don’t visper, I can’t find my hearing aid.”

          3 – Option for a middle-aged woman.

          “Whoever is calling, I have new pictures of my grandchildren, you vouldn’t believe how gorgeous.  If dis is my sister, I vanta hear all about our cousin Sarah and vot married guy dat tramp is mixed up vit now.  If dis is my son, calling from colletch for the first time since Yom Kippur, vich vas two months ago, I vill tell you vun more time.  Stop playing sports.  Be a sports doctor.”

          4 – Opinionated option for any Jewish woman.    

“If dis is dat anti-abortionist group calling vunce again to kvetch, I vill tell you vunce and for all – life begins for my children ven dey graduate medical school.”

          5 – Recording for mother with a popular teen-age daughter.

          “If dis happens to be the hoo-hah vunder boy I keep hearing about,  takes my daughter to a deli and puts mayonnaise on a pastrami sandvich, ven you come pick her up dis veekend, I vanta meet you, and I vanta see a  copy of your grade point average, your family tree and a recent urine test.

And leave a number for a phone, a real one, not one of those cellthings.”

          6 – Recording for any mother who has offspring at college.

          “If this happens to be my son or daughter calling from colletch, it’s been a long time, you didn’t vonder if I’m dead yet?  Anyvun else, at least you know I’m alive, please leave a number.”

          7 – Recording for an older man living alone.

          “If dis is my ex-vife, not a penny more.  If dis is my second ex-vife,

not a penny more.  If dis is my t’oid ex-vife, not a penny more.  If dis is dat cockamamie collection soivice again, maybe you finally get the picture.  Othervise, leave a number.”

          8 – Recording on an automobile GPS System.

          “The airport?  From your house?  Okay, foist you back out of your garage, vich you haven’t cleaned since Eisenhower left Omaha, and head south ‘til you get to Hermie and Sylvia Goldberg’s house and make a right turn.  Go to Pine Island, make a left and head south for a couple – vait, vodda you driving like a meshugenah, slow down!  Go to 595, head east and follow the signs.  Nu?  A piececake.”

          9 – Recording for an older couple.

           (MAN’S VOICE)  “You have reached Sy and Becky Ginsberg who vent out someplace because Becky said so, and Sy is a schlemiel, does votever Becky says.  Leave a number, please, and the time you called, and at our age, better leave the date too.”

          10 – Recording for any man or woman with grown children.

          “If dis is my crazy daughter calling vit some more adwice about Zen and Karma and all dose other Oriental notions, I vanta ask … if dere is no self, whose arthritis is dis?  Leave a number, please.”

          11 – Recording for a family returning from vacation.

          “Yes, ve’re back in town.  You vanta know how the wacation vas?  Vas vonderful.  Stopped at a gas station on the turnpike because all five kids had to go the bathroom at vunce.  And dere vas a line.  And dat vas the best t’ing that happened.  You vanta here more, leave a number.”

                                                *        *        *

          Of course, these are just the initial suggestions.  Over the course of this year, I’m sure others will occur. 

          But before I sign off, I must give credit to my daughter, who was kind of an inspiration for this column.  My daughter has been leaving funny messages on her answering machine for many years.

          Her best was about twenty years ago, when her answering machine said, “Hi.  This is Amy.  I can’t come to the phone right now because I’m ovulating.”

          Frankly, I’ve never been able to top that.

 

          Cantankerously Yours,

 

          Wendell Abern

 

 

Wendell Abern can be reached at [email protected].

February, 2012 – Valentine’s Day

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February, 2012 – Valentine’s Day

laura-ziprisValentine’s Day

February, 2012

By Laura Zipris, Psy. D., LMHC

 

Dear Dr. Z.,

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and I really want to do something special for my wife to show her how much I love her.  However, every year I fall into the same trap.  I spend weeks over-thinking what I should buy or do but no ideas ever seem good enough.  I wind up running out of time and scrambling last minute to buy something so unoriginal as flowers or chocolates.  I tend do the same for most birthdays and anniversaries too.   Is it crazy that I actually get nervous when it comes to buying her presents?  It is just that my wife has very specific tastes and I don’t want to disappoint her (yet I know I probably do with the cliché gifts).

Signed, 

JT

 

Dear J.T.,

I don’t know your wife but I imagine that just reading this letter would feel like a gift to her.  It is not crazy that you get nervous and that the task of finding the perfect gift sometimes feels monumental.   It is hard to always know your partner’s world.   It is clear how much you care about your wife and that you desire to please her and to be intentional and thoughtful in the process.    So, here are two basic acts that you need to learn so that you can become better at surprising your partner with the loving gifts and actions that she desires. 

The first act involves listening for “random droppings”.  When you are really attuned to your partner you will readily pick up on some of her desires because she will unintentionally (or not so unintentionally) drop hints.  She may say something like, “I would love to try that restaurant one day.” Or, she may mention in passing how much she liked a certain perfume that she smelled at the mall.”  Whenever you hear a “random dropping” make a mental note and file it for later use.  The second skill that you need to develop is “artful communication.”  Begin to ask your partner open ended questions about her likes and dislikes and remember the answers.   File them away with the “random droppings.”  You can also ask your wife directly about the kinds of gifts and caring behaviors you could give her to make her feel loved and cherished. 

All of this information gathered over time will allow you to build a “love map” to your partners’ psychological world.  This will provide a double gift: For you, the gift is knowledge on how to touch your wife’s heart and for her, she receives the undeniable sense that you are interested in her, that you value her, and that you deeply love her.   This gift J.T. is priceless.

Signed,

Dr. Z.

 

Laura Zipris holds a doctorate in Psychology and is licensed to practice psychotherapy in New York, as well as in Florida. Laura is certified in Imago Relationship Therapy, a transformational approach that has been used successfully with couples around the world to help them to strengthen their partnerships, deepen their connection and reignite their passion for one another. Laura sees individuals of all ages and sexual orientations, couples, families, and groups in her office located in Delray Beach. For more information about Laura, please visit her website at www.drlaurazipris.com  or to set up an appointment, contact Laura directly at  (561) 558-7815.

Questions for this column should be sent to ”Dr. Z” at [email protected].

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