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April, 2011 – Poet Mary Oliver

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Cultural Corner

 

Poet Mary Oliver Comes to Lynn

 

By Marla E. Schwartz

 

Someone glorious this way comes.*

 

 

LA  129974.BK.1029.oliver.09
Mary Oliver

 

Mary Oliver is one of this country’s most esteemed and cherished poets representing the natural world since Ralph Waldo Emerson. She has acknowledged that her greatest influences include the works of Walt Whitman and Henry David Thoreau and many have compared her affinity for solitude and interior monologues to those of Emily Dickinson. It’s a rare treat indeed that Mary will be reading her poems, inviting the audience to participate in a Question & Answer session afterwards and then concluding the evening with a book signing at Lynn University (LU).

 

She will be introduced by LU Associate English Professor, Lizbeth Keiley who is a gifted poet in her own right and is the Advisor to the Poetry Club. The event takes place on Saturday, April 9 at 7:30 PM at the Keith C. & Elaine Johnson Wold Performing Arts Center, 3601 N. Military Trail, Boca Raton, 33431. Tickets are a mere $15.00 and can be purchased via: Phone/Box Office: (561) 237-9000, Website: www.lynn.edu/tickets and for information please E-Mail: tickets@lynn.edu. The price is more than well-worth admission because tickets in the past have sold out at locations for one hundred dollars a pop.

 

“I think Ms. Oliver impresses readers with a deep sense of the simplicity and depth of the natural world,” Lizbeth said. “Unconsciously, perhaps, one aspect of her widespread appeal lies in our longing for an escape from the noise of the modern world, bringing readers instead to what is true. Add to this, her pristine language, her lyrical impulse and the often child-like wonder in her voice, and you have a poet who not only captures the imagination of her readers – but refuses to let go of it. Lynn is fortunate to have her share her work with us, especially considering she gives so few readings.”

 

In honor of National Poetry Month, Mary’s appearance is being

Photo by Kevork Djansezian
Photo by Kevork Djansezian

 presented in partnership with Miles A. Coon, Founder & Director/President of the Palm Beach Poetry Festival along with LU. If you attended the recent PBPF and were witness to the sensational presentation by Robert Pinsky – consider this another great opportunity by this exceptional organization to again witness history taking place. If you missed this year’s PBPF, then you have even more of a reason to come out and listen to Mary read some of her selected poems. It promises to be just as an inspiring an evening as it will be entertaining and it’s definitely appropriate for all ages. There’s a good bet that the audience will also be filled with the amazing poets who have attended the PBPF over the last several years.

 

David Fleisher, Associate Professor of English in the College of Liberal Education at LU, an accomplished poet, playwright and journalist is thrilled that Mary will be reading her poems at LU. “She doesn’t give many readings of her work,” David said. “I think LU and the community are fortunate to have such a celebrated artist visit us and share her work.”

 

 

Miles also chimed in about Mary’s upcoming presentation in Boca Raton. “LU was the venue of the very first Palm Beach Poetry Workshop and I’m grateful to the school for their faith in us. Professors from Lynn have judged our annual high school poetry contest, participated in poetry workshops at the festival and taught courses featuring work by festival poets. The school has provided scholarships for gifted students to attend festival workshops.”

 

“We were thrilled when friends at LU asked us to work with them to bring Mary Oliver to their campus during National Poetry Month. She’s the poet I recommend most often to first-time readers of poetry,” he said. “She helps me see the world I’ve looked at for over seventy years, but somehow overlooked. Her poems are startlingly beautiful.” He highly recommends her most famous poem Wild Geese as a poem everyone should immediately read when it comes to her work. This poem is found in Mary’s bookNew and Selected Poems, Volume One.

 

Miles added, “In these times, when loss seems to fall upon loss, when we despair for the planet itself, Mary Oliver’s poems provide solace and an abiding faith in the power of the natural world and the human imagination to help us find our ‘place in the family of things.’”

 

There’s a good chance Mary will not only recite Wild Geese, but one of her other admired poems The Journey, as well. Mary is renowned for her evocative and precise imagery, which brings nature into clear focus, transforming the everyday world into a place of magic and discovery. U.S. Poet Laureate Stanley Kunitz said, “Mary Oliver’s poetry is fine and deep; it reads like a blessing. Her special gift is to connect us with our sources in the natural world, its beauties and terrors and mysteries and consolations.”

 

Mary has authored twenty-seven books of poetry, including her first collection, No Voyage and other Poems (1965), the Pulitzer-Prize winning American Primitive (1984) and New and Selected Poems (1992), which won the National Book Award. Over the past two decades she has taught at various colleges and universities – Case Western Reserve, Bucknell, Sweet Briar College, the University of Cincinnati and Bennington College in Vermont.

 

Mary Oliver with Maria Shriver. Photo by Frederick M. Brown.
Mary Oliver with Maria Shriver. Photo by Frederick M. Brown.

It was in 2005 when Mary’s beloved life partner of forty-years, the celebrated literary agent and photographer Molly Malone Cook, passed away from cancer in the home they shared in Provincetown, Massachusetts. Mary has dedicated many of her books and poems to Molly, particularly her poem Freshen the Flowers. In 1986, Molly traveled with Mary to Indonesia, Japan, Malaysia, and New Zealand on a cultural tour sponsored by the U.S. Information Agency. This uniquely exceptional poet originally hails from Maple Heights, Ohio, a suburb of Cleveland where her father Edward W. Oliver, was a social studies teacher and an athletic coach in the public school system.

 

It’s necessary to note that Mary is a very private woman who greatly values her solitude and rarely grants interviews. However, after six years of politely declining an interview with Maria Shriver, the guest editor of O Magazine’s April 2011 issue, a special publication that celebrates National Poetry Month, Mary finally agreed to Maria’s interview request. And thank goodness – because it’s a magnificent read. If you’re interested in all that is Mary Oliver, you can read Maria’s exclusive interview at oprah.com/entertainment/Maria Shriver-Interviews-Poet-Mary Oliver. And you can find Mary at facebook.com/PoetMaryOliver or you can go to Mary’s website at maryoliver.beacon.org.

 

Also, go to palmbeachpoetryfestival.org to find more information about next year’s event taking place January 15-21, 2012 at Old School Square in Delray Beach, FL.

 

* Editor’s Note: The first line is a little twist on a Shakespeare reference. The phrase “something wicked this way comes” originates from Act IV, Scene 1 of Shakespeare’s Macbeth

***

 

Marla E. Schwartz

A native of Toledo, OH and a graduate of Kent State University, Marla E. Schwartz is a Senior Writer for Miami Living Magazine and is currently a cultural arts columnist for AroundWellington.com and Lighthouse Point Magazine. Her photographs have appeared in these publications, numerous Ohio newspapers, as well as in The Miami Herald, The Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel and The Palm Beach Post. She has had numerous plays published and produced around the country. Her short play, America’s Working? was produced in Los Angeles at both the First Stage and the Lone Star Ensemble theater companies, in Florida at Lynn University and then at an off-Broadway playhouse in NYC. Her piece, The Lunch Time Café, was a finalist for the Heideman Award, Actors Theatre of Louisville. Please check out the re-prints of her interviews with authors Dave Barry & Ridley Pearson and Dexter novelist Jeff Lindsay in the October 2010 issue of Duff Brenna’s ServingHouse: A Journal of Literary Arts at www.servinghousejournal.com. You can contact her at marlaschwartz@att.net.

 

April, 2011 – Catch the Moon

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Catch the Moon

By Lisa Loeb and Elizabeth Mitchell

 

Can you catch the moon
And hold it in your hands
Cause I can catch the moon
And I do my moondance
I press my hands together
And slowly spin around
Tell my moonbird sister
To pick me up
And we’ll go flying
Can you see what shines
When it’s dark outside
Cause I can see the moonshine
When I look in your eyes
When I catch the moon
I throw it to you
And you’d be happy too
I do that for you
We can dance together
And slowly spin around
Cause you’re my moonbird sister
I can see you, you’re laughing

You can catch me
You’ll be happy
I can see you
You’re laughing

You can catch me
You’ll be happy
I can see you
I’m so happy

You can catch me
I’m so happy
I can see you
You’re laughing

 

 

CD and Book for children available at Amazon.com.

April, 2011 – The Case of the Crouching Speed Bump

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allan-williamsonAs I Was Saying

 

The Case of the Crouching Speed Bump

 

By Alan Williamson

 

       The following transcript is taken from a small claims court action brought by motorist Alan Williamson against Broward County Speed Bump # 237853-G.

 

JUDGE: Please state your name and complaint before this court.

AW: My name is Alan Williamson and I’m seeking damages for pain and suffering against the speed bump that attacked me and my Ford Mustang on the morning of January 21.

JUDGE: Is the accused speed bump present in this courtroom?

AW: Oh yeah, he’s standing over there in full view, unlike the morning he was playing crouching tiger, hidden dragon in the middle of the road.

JUDGE: Broward County speed bump # 237853-G, please identify yourself.

SPEED BUMP: I’m here your honor, which means the street I’m assigned to protect is currently at the mercy of reckless, whiny, self-absorbed motorists like Mr. Williamson.

AW: Your honor, I object to the name calling. I could have called him “Bump-a-Lula Boy” but I held back.

JUDGE: Objection sustained. I’ll do the name calling in this court room. Okay Whiny Why Me, describe what happened on the day in question.

AW: It was a sunny day, a quiet street – I was driving the speed limit. I had no reason to believe that danger hid in plain sight, smack dab in the middle of the road.

SPEED BUMP: I wasn’t hiding, your honor. I was just doing my job keeping the street safe from the likes of lead-footed lunatics like Whiny Willy over there.

JUDGE: That’s enough, Humpty Bumpty. You’ll get your say. Continue Whiny Willy.

AW:  My car suddenly hit something hard and lurched upward. It was a moment of swift and blinding violence so sudden, so jarring, that I heard myself yell “SUCCOTASH.”

JUDGE: You yelled succotash?

AW: It’s a word meant to describe a nauseating lima bean and corn dish, your honor, but in this case it was a knee-jerk expression of my shock and distress.

JUDGE: Wasn’t there a cartoon character that use to say “suffering succotash”?

SPEED BUMP: I believe you’re thinking of Sylvester the Cat, your honor, though Daffy Duck was also known to use the phrase on occasion.

JUDGE: I loved Sylvester the Cat. He really knew how to deliver a catchphrase. “S-s-s-uffering s-s-succotash!”

AW: Your honor, may I continue?

JUDGE: Wait, one more time: “S-s-s-uffering s-s-succotash!” Okay, please go on Mr. Whiny.

AW: The speed bump wasn’t there the last time I came through that street. What’s more, the way the trees cast shadows over the road put the speed bump’s presence on a par with a concealed weapon.

SPEED BUMP: What was I suppose to do – jump up and down and wave at you? I’m a speed bump. I’ve got the mobility of a beached whale!

AW: You’re a snake in the grass is what you are!

JUDGE: Simmer down, Forrest Bump. Mr. Whiny, cut to the chase please.

AW: Your honor, I view this unprovoked act of aggression by Broward County Speed Bump # 237853-G as an outright physical assault on me and my vehicle.

JUDGE: Where is your vehicle now?

AW: It’s been sitting at home in a darkened garage since the incident. It doesn’t perk up when I clean it. It doesn’t go out anymore. It’s completely traumatized.

JUDGE: What are you asking in damages?

AW: I request that the court award me $5,000 for pain and suffering, plus the cost of a front-end alignment and new struts and shock-absorbers, preferably the Monroe Sensa-Trac brand or a product of equal or greater quality.

JUDGE: Mr. Bump-a-Rama, what is your defense.

SPEED BUMP: I know I’m not very popular. Speed bumps don’t get much respect in this fast-paced world. I get that. If someone’s not barreling over us and cursing out their window, they’re badmouthing us to their friends, blaming us for everything from being late for work to having their tailpipe fall off. And your honor, if you’ve ever had your tailpipe fall off, you know just how painful that can be.

JUDGE: Suffering succotash, it hurts like the dickens.

SPEED BUMP: It does indeed. But when all is said and done, I’ve got a job to do. I’m out there laying my life on the line every day and night so people will slow down and drive safe. So kids can frolic freely and dogs and cats can stray from the yard when other dogs and cats make mocking, Ricky Gervais-like comments about them.

AW: Objection your honor. Speed Stick’s laying it on a little thick, don’t you think?

JUDGE: Overruled. But you’re this close to rubbing me the wrong way, Speed Stick.

SPEED BUMP: All I’m saying is, I’m out there so that people like Mr. Williamsburg can live in nice neighborhoods where you don’t risk life and limb crossing the street to borrow a caulking gun, some balsamic vinegar or an unattended flatscreen TV.

AW: That was my house, my caulking gun, my balsamic vinegar, my TV.

SPEED BUMP: I, me, mine. I, me, mine. It’s all about him, isn’t it? I’m not the villain here, your honor . . . just an easy scapegoat in a selfish world where everyone’s going nowhere fast.

AW: I was going to the dentist and I was doing 30.

JUDGE: I’ve heard enough to make a ruling. Please stand.

SPEED BUMP: I am standing.

AW: And you wonder why I didn’t see him?

JUDGE: It is the decision of this court, namely me, that the next time you two cross paths, there be a dash-cam in the car to turn the whole thing into a hilarious YouTube video. Case dismissed!

AW: Wait, that’s it? No money? No restitution? This is a travesty, a sham, a farce and a circus. What kind of ruling is that?

JUDGE: It’s the kind of ruling you get when you don’t have a hilarious YouTube video featuring a sneaky-steep speed bump and a guy yelling “succotash” as his tailpipe snaps off and his head slaps against the roof of his car.

SPEED BUMP: Man has a point.

AW: See you tomorrow morning around 8?

SPEED BUMP: Not if I see you first.

AW: Game on, bump breath.

SPEED BUMP: My crouch is your ouch.

AW: You should be a standup comedian. Oh wait – speed bumps can’t stand up!

SPEED BUMP: You’re going down, clown!

AW: Roll over bump-toven! 

SPEED BUMP: Well s-s-suffering s-s-succotash!

AW: Hey that’s my line!

SPEED BUMP: Not anymore!

 

Alan Williamson is an award-winning writer with 27 years in the field of true fiction (advertising). A practical man who knows that writing for a living is risky going, he has taken steps to pursue a second, more stable career as a leggy super model. Alan can be reached at alwilly@bellsouth.net.  © 2010 Alan Williamson.

April, 2011 – Ask Dr. Z

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Ask Dr. Zlaura-zipris

 

April, 2011

 

By Laura Zipris, Psy. D., LMHC

 

 Dear Dr. Z.-

 

I know many people have “mother issues.”  But I can’t wrap my head around mine.

 

I love my mom, but I don’t like her.  I know we are all “supposed to” love our mothers and preferably get along with them, like them, and WANT to spend time with them.

 

But I don’t.  I haven’t really liked my mother in 20 years.  Even before that it was a love-hate thing at times. The part that bothers me most about this is that my mother is slowly dying (over the past 10 years) of cancer. I see her losing her memory and awareness, and I feel I should just be the good daughter and LOVE her as much as she wants to be loved.  (She is very touchy-feely and I am not). But every time I am around her I feel stress and just want to leave.

 

At times I have felt resentment of her behavior and I wish she would just pass on and let my father and the rest of us live out our lives. That’s a terrible thing to say, but she has been sucking the life out of our family for 10 years, and I don’t know how to breathe any more life into our relationship.

 

So on one hand I feel guilty for not being a better daughter and on the other I feel that I must take care of myself first and keep some self-preservation.

 

Is it crazy to feel both things at once….   anger & love?  Guilt & resentment?

 

Cordially yours,

K.

 

Dear K.,

Feeling mixed emotions in your intimate relationships is completely normal.   Mother and daughter relationships in particular can be quite loaded and it sounds like you and your mother have had a challenging relationship for a long time.  

We never know how much time we have left with our loved ones but in your case it is even more highlighted, as your days left with your mother are finite. It is in that vein that I strongly encourage you to get clear about what you need to do to make peace within. That does not mean that you agree with your mother or condone her past behaviors. It doesn’t even mean that you ignore your feelings or deny your experiences. What it does mean is that you think about doing some therapeutic work individually (and possibly together) to elevate to a place of acceptance and clarity about the love you give and the boundaries you need to set.  

Very few things in life are absolute but death is one of them.  My worry for you is that if you choose to do nothing, you will be burdened with regrets and feelings of guilt.   I encourage you to think of the time you have left together with your mother as an opportunity.  At best, you may possibly achieve acceptance and resolution and at the least, you may find some inner peace.

Dr. Z.

Laura Zipris holds a doctorate in Psychology and is licensed to practice psychotherapy in New York, as well as in Florida. Laura is certified in Imago Relationship Therapy, a transformational approach that has been used successfully with couples around the world to help them to strengthen their partnerships, deepen their connection and reignite their passion for one another. Laura sees individuals of all ages and sexual orientations, couples, families, and groups in her offices located in Wellington and Delray Beach.  In addition to her psychotherapy practice, Dr. Zipris works part time as a licensed school psychologist for the Palm Beach County School District.  

For more information about Laura, please visit her website at www.drlaurazipris.com  or to set up an appointment, contact Laura directly at (561) 558-7815. 

Questions for this column should be sent to Dr. “Z” at Drlaurazip@gmail.com 

April, 2011 – A Frank Look at Oil Prices

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By the Numbers

A Frank Look at Oil Prices and Why We’re All Insane

By Tom Copelandtomcopeland1

We’re paying an insane amount of money at the gas station, and the fact that our country still imports 14.2 million barrels of crude oil a day according to this week’s report by the U.S. Energy Information Administration is frankly, well, insane too. Let’s explore the pervasive factors that drive the price of oil through the sunroofs of our cars and why we need a long-term plan to get us out of the foreign oil fields.

Why do gas prices swing so much?
1. Crude oil is a commodity that is bought and sold based on “futures” contracts. These financial investments were originally used to help producers get top dollar for their oil once it’s delivered by binding themselves and the buyer into a fair price. The problem is that hundreds of billions of dollars have been injected into this market by third-party investment speculators trying to turn a profit over the last 25 years, raising the stakes and creating volatility in the market.

2. With every major geographical, environmental, or political action or event comes some kind of effect on the price of gas. Most of our oil is imported from the Middle East, so anytime something happens over there, it manifests as fluctuating gas prices here.

Ultimately, that’s the reason for the oil gouging we’re seeing right here at home today. Since January, several oil-rich Middle Eastern countries have experienced upheaval from fed-up citizens looking to overthrow their wealthy dictators who have ruled in some cases for more than 30 years. Some of these efforts have been successful like in Tunisia and Egypt; some like Libya, have not been so successful. Most of our oil comes from Saudi Arabia, and if Saudi citizens launch a similar revolt, expect average gas prices to top $5 a gallon or more.

But these jubilant humanitarian achievements for the Tunisia and Egyptian people come with a price – a 38% increase in the price of a barrel of crude oil which at the time of this publications trades at $112.71. That translates into a national price average for a gallon of gas that is a whopping $.90 higher than it was this time last year. Investors drive up the demand (and therefore the price) of crude during times of Middle Eastern uncertainty, because the potential for an interruption in oil supply is great.

3. The devastating 9.0 magnitude earthquake that rocked the eastern seaboard of Japan on March 11th and the resulting tsunami that leveled coastal towns, left 5,500 and counting dead, and destroyed generators that power and protect several of the country’s nuclear power plants from meltdown. This event, unfortunately, could also continue to drive oil prices up.

4. Oil is the world’s only commodity that demonstrates such extreme price volatility, especially in the last decade. From 1999 to 2004, the swing in the price for a barrel of crude oil was never any more than $16. But from 2005 and beyond, the average swing from any one year to another was $52, and in 2008, the biggest swing came in at $115.

5. Worldwide demand for oil is at an all-time high with most of that demand coming from emerging, industrializing and fast-growing countries like India, Brazil, and China. The demand for oil is spiking here in the U.S. too, especially as we get closer to summer time.

The argument for our country to relieve our dependence on foreign oil is buried in numbers and economics. It costs Middle Eastern conglomerates who sell us our oil somewhere around $3.50-$5.00 to explore and produce a barrel of crude oil, yet at the time of this writing we’re paying $112.71 for it.

And as the price of the foreign oil we import continues to rise, Americans will continue to feel the sting, one that is powerful enough to potentially stymie economic recovery: higher prices at the pump mean less money for consumers to spend in other areas of their lives. The Fed warns that this could result in the real expected GDP growth for the U.S., expected to be somewhere just below 4% for 2011, getting sliced by as much as .5% to 1%.

They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, only allowing you to re-live the same undesired consequences. When will our country start recognizing the insanity of importing 88% of our oil from instable Middle Eastern producers, and finally begin working on some long-term plans to supply our energy to ourselves? I, for one, hope the answer is very, very soon. 

Tom is a freelance web developer, professional content writer, and owner of Bullworthy, a web services firm. Tom helps small businesses create a powerful, branded presence on the web. Bullworthy specializes in building web assets using WordPress development from their West Palm Beach offices.

April, 2011 – And Baby Makes Four!

stephanie-karpfCreature Feature

 

And Baby Makes Four!

 

By Stephanie Karpf, DVM

 

 

  When a new baby is brought into a home where a dog is already residing, this can be a point of anxiety for both the new parents and the dog. It is best to try to anticipate these problems and head them off, rather than waiting to react to a problem after it has already been established.  Here are some tips that can be followed, to make the introduction of this new tiny family member, as seamless as possible.

 

–Before the new baby is brought home, it is best to obtain a recording of baby noises.  Especially the sounds of a baby crying.  This recording should be played at a low volume at first, for 5-10 minute sessions.  The volume can then gradually be increased over time.  During these sessions, you should have your dog follow basic commands like “sit” and “stay”, and be sure to give plenty of food rewards for performing these commands while listening to the baby cry.  The volume should then be increased until the actual volume of a baby crying is reached.

 

–Obtain a baby doll and start carrying it around the house with you.  Reward your dog for remaining calm and collected while in the “baby’s” presence.

 

–Have new furniture for the baby’s room, and new equipment or products that you will be using, arrive well before the arrival of the baby.

 

–After the baby is born, some of the swaddling cloths or undershirts the baby has been wearing in the hospital, should be brought home for the dog to examine.  Let the dog sniff at these and even sleep with them, to allow them to become accustomed to the baby’s scent.

 

–When you come home from the hospital with your new addition, it is a good idea to bring an extra family member along to hold the baby while you enter your home.  This will allow you to greet your pets, without having the baby in your arms.

 

–Actual introduction of the baby to the dog is the next step.  During this introduction time, it is very important that the dog be under complete control.  This can be done using a harness or head-halter with leash.  Have one person holding the baby while seated, and the other person controlling the leash of the dog.  The person holding the leash should be watching closely for any sign of aggressive or unacceptable nonaggressive behavior (i.e. pawing at the baby).  If these should occur, then interaction between the dog and baby should immediately be stopped.  If aggressive behavior is show, then the dog should not be allowed any contact with the infant and the veterinarian should be contacted.

 

–When a new baby arrives, it is very common for the parents to only show attention to the dog when the baby is sleeping.  This is unfortunate, as it teaches the dog that the baby is something negative, since its presence results in no attention for the dog.  Therefore, it is imperative that you take care to show your dog attention, while your baby is awake.  This is most easily accomplished if one parent is attending to the awake infant, while the other parent is showing attention either through petting or playing with the dog.  When the baby is asleep, it is best to not show the dog much attention at all.  This way, the dog will start to associate the baby’s presence with positive feelings.

 

The most important thing to keep in mind concerning the relationship between babies and dogs…is that even the most trusted pet can potentially hurt a new infant.  Therefore, a dog should never be left alone with an infant or toddler, no matter how “good” you feel that this pet behaves.

 

 

Dr. Karpf is the co-owner of The Visiting Vet, a housecall service for dogs and cats serving Palm Beach County.  For an appointment, please call 561-252-8874.

April, 2011 – No one calls me a nice guy and gets away with it

wendell-abern-cantank-yoursCantankerously Yours

 

No one calls me a nice guy and gets away with it

 

By Wendell Abern

 

Dear Fellow Grumps,

Earlier this year, I wrote a few columns decrying disappearing forms of humor – including old-fashioned Jewish humor.

          The backlash from those columns has been horrific.

          One friend told me I was going soft.  Another that I was starting to sound like a nice guy.

          Well, no one calls me a nice guy and gets away with it.

          Introducing my new friends, Eric and Joy.

          Actually, Eric and Joy are new phone friends.  They work for MyChart, an Internet tool created, I am sure, by Benny Hill before he died.  The Cleveland Clinic and other hospitals use MyChart to help doctors inform patients without ever talking to them.

          The real reason MyChart exists, of course, is to prevent phone calls from patients who have the gall to want to know the results of blood tests and other medical exams.

          I signed up with the Cleveland Clinic, established a MyChart name and password, and last week sought the results of some recent medical exams.  I went to the MyChart site, typed in my name and password, and a red sentence warned me I had given the wrong password.  I tried again.

          Same red sentence. 

          “Borbick, knock it off!” I yelled.  (Borbick is the name I have given to the miniaturized terrorist who lives inside my computer.)

Cursing, I called the Cleveland Clinic.  After three minutes on hold (during which a recorded message advised me on handling menstrual cramps), I was given the phone number for MyChart.  I dialed.

          Enter Eric, who, I later discovered, was clearly more pleasant and efficient than MyChart deserves.

          “No problem” Eric said when I explained.  He proceeded to give me a new password.  I was in a hurry, couldn’t test it at that moment, but later that night I went back to the MyChart site.  I typed in the new password and was informed, “Your session has timed out.”

          “Timed out?  I just got on!” I shouted.  I went to bed, muttering expletives at Borbick.

          The next morning, fuming, I called back MyChart and was pleasantly surprised that Eric once again answered the phone.

          “Hey, Eric!” I said.  “How the hell are ya?”

          “Er … who is this?”

          “Eric, bubbelah, it’s me!”  I gave him my name and reminded him of the problem.  “We’re being sabotaged by Borbick, Eric.”  I explained who Borbick was.

          Eric chuckled.  “We’re not going to let Borbick run things here,” he said, obviously relishing the challenge.

          He used the magic of electronics to suddenly manipulate sites and settings on my computer, his cursor running up and down my monitor.

          “I see the problem,” he said.  “Your Internet Explorer takes you to AOL.”

          “Ah, that explains it.  Borbick is on a retainer with them.”

          Eric chuckles.  “We’re not compatible with AOL, so I’m going to have another department contact you tomorrow.”

          The next day, I receive an e-mail from Joy.  Three pages long, when

printed.  Then Joy phones me.

          I thank her for the e-mail and ask her to de-active my account. 

Then I tell her, “I have found you and Eric very conscientious and helpful.  Now if I ask you a question, will you give me an honest answer?”

          “Certainly, sir.”

          “Is there a statue of Benny Hill in lobby of your building?”

          She answers quickly, “No sir.”  But then I hear her giggle. 

          Introducing my old friend, Jerry.

          I have written about Jerry previously.  One of my oldest and best friends.  Grew up with him.  A charter member of my poker game, now in its 67th year.

          Jerry was the first of my friends to point out that I am short, and has been needling me about it since history class in our senior year:

Teacher not yet there.  Jerry yells from across the room,

“Hey, who’re you taking to the prom, a Munchkin?”

          He has never stopped.  We never have a conversation without the word, “short,” creatively injected.

          Well, Jerry is fat.  Big weight problem since he was ten years old.  Every night for decades, Jerry eats a quart of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, right out of the carton.  I told him he was a terrible role model for his kids.  He said, “Maybe for a short while.”

Jerry started going bald at eighteen.  By his 25th birthday, he was completely bald.  I told him he looked like the hood ornament on a Dodge truck.  And to top off his physical attributes, he has a very large nose.  If you met him, you’d think Rodney Dangerfield had been cloned.

Needless to say, I have given Jerry a hard time for decades also.

          And this year, we are roasting him. 

I can’t wait.  I have already bought him a gag scale.  When you step on it, a voice says, “One at a time, please.”  

          I have also written a letter with a Ben & Jerry letterhead I created.  It reads, “Dear Mr. G – it has come to our attention you consume more of our ice cream than our next three biggest users combined. 

“So we have decided to honor you.  Not with a plaque or a watch.  But with a replica of your face carved out of the Vermont mountains, a la Mt. Rushmore.  Construction will begin as soon as we can find an outcropping of rock big enough to serve as your nose.”

          And in case you think I’m being unnecessarily cruel, remember:  at the roast for my 60th birthday, Jerry read from a newspaper article, headlined, “Dwarf-tossing ruled illegal.”

          Introducing Senior Sleaze.

          That’s me!  My new persona, courtesy of my daughter, Amy.  I have now been a widower for about fifteen months and have just started spending some time with a few women.

          “Nothing serious,” I told Amy.  “Just some, ah … companionship.”        

          “Aha!  My father!  A senior sleaze!”

          I love that moniker!  Now, when I see on my caller ID that Amy is calling, I answer, “Senior sleaze, send a floozy, I’m not choosy.”

Or, “I’m not fussy, send a hussy.”  Last week, I prepared a new one:  “Senior sleaze, don’t need a sweet talker, send a streetwalker.”  This one prompted a, “DA – a – ad!” 

The desired effect.

          I have a new mini-poem ready for her next call … one so salacious my editors will never print it. 

          So much for being a nice guy.

          Sincerely,

          Senior Sleaze

Wendell Abern can be reached at dendyabern@comcast.net.

April, 2011 – Seed Paper

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Living Green

 

Seed PaperBryan Hayes

 

By Bryan Hayes

 

“What is this?” I asked. 

“Seed paper,” she replied.  

“Interesting,” I thought.

In front of me was a flat, heart-shaped creation with blue and green colors much like seeing the Earth from the stratosphere.  What I did not realize is just how easy it is to make this little decoration, and even more surprising, it is also eco-friendly.  Recycled paper is used for the material, and seeds are added to the paper, so it can be used for a dual purpose.  Not only does it look nice, making it a great gift idea, but you also plant it.  After you have enjoyed the decoration, you plant the paper into the ground.  The paper will decompose and absorb into the dirt, and the seeds will blossom into flowers. 

How she came upon plant seeds was my question for Jaimee Schulson who was kind enough to share this little creation with me. Jaimee went further and said that over the past three years she has been expanding her mind to a variety of new things.  She is open to learning about how she can help the environment and wants to learn “one new thing every day.”

“What new things would you like to learn?” I asked Jaimee.

She replied, “I changed my diet to raw foods and for the past two years, I have felt more connected to the food I eat, the environment, and social concerns.”

Having an academic background in psychology and going to school for social work, Jaimee enjoys the learning process not only to increase her level of awareness but to also pass that on to others.  She likes teaching kids who are open to the idea of helping the environment.  She shows them how they can do so in a way that is fun, and in the case of the seed paper, really easy to do.  Jaimee is a great example of someone who is living green, learning something new each and every day, and teaching our next generation how they can take care of the environment. 

If you would like to make your own seed paper, below is an easy “recipe.”  Happy planting!

Materials
• recycled paper
• blender
• flower seeds
• strainer/ screen*
• plastic
• sponge
• newspaper


*You can make a strainer using wire mesh stapled to an old picture frame or other square frame shape.

Instructions

1. Rip recycled paper into small bits, and place into the blender (about half full). Fill the blender with warm water. Run the blender slowly at first then increase the speed until the pulp looks smooth and well-blended. To tint pulp: add a 1 inch square of tissue paper to pulp before blending or food coloring.
2. Add a pinch or two of flower seeds to pulp and stir. Do not blend seeds!
3. Pour mixture into a plastic tub
4. Strain a sheet of paper using the screen.
5. Use sponge to remove more moisture. Press pulp flat
6. Flip the screen over onto a section of newspaper. Press firmly on the back of the screen to release the paper from the screen and adhere it to the newspaper.
7. Let dry and then cut the paper to desired shape. You can make a card and add writing, ribbon, etc.

 

Bryan Hayes is an actor, amateur photographer, business consultant and full-time lover of all things living.  He will be co-hosting a new show “Greenology 101.”

 

April, 2011 – Insomnia

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Ask the Docsask-the-docs

Insomnia

By Heather Loguidice, ARNP

 

 

Everyone, at one point in their lives, has experienced difficulty either falling asleep or staying asleep.  According to the National Sleep Foundation, about 20% of Americans report that they get less than 6 hours of sleep each night. One of the most common complaints I hear about from my patients is poor sleep. We live in a 24/7 society that offers 24 hour cable TV, the internet, restaurants, and even shopping.  It is no wonder that most of us have a hard time “shutting our brain off” in order to fall asleep.

 

Most people require 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night in order to function optimally and feel well. Insomnia can lead to poor work performance, driving accidents, increased anger and depression. Recently, heart disease, hypertension, diabetes, and obesity have all been linked with chronic sleep loss. Many people do not realize that sleep is just as important for overall health as diet and exercise.

 

Insomnia is considered to be primary when it is not due to any other health condition. Secondary insomnia means that a person is having sleep problems because of something else, like depression, pain, heartburn, or asthma.

 

Insomnia can also vary in how long it lasts and how often it occurs. It can be short term (acute) or it can last a long time (chronic). It can also be episodic. Acute insomnia can last from one night to a few weeks. Insomnia is considered to be chronic when it lasts at least 3 nights per week for a month or longer.

 

Acute insomnia is typically related to stress, particularly life altering events such as a job loss, divorce, death of a loved one, or a move. Other common causes of acute insomnia include illness, emotional or physical discomfort, jet lag, certain medications, such as Sudafed and antihistamines, and environmental factors like noise, light, and temperature.

 

Chronic insomnia is usually associated with depression/anxiety, chronic pain, and chronic stress.

 

Treatment of insomnia varies depending on the duration and cause. A sleep diary can be helpful in formulating a treatment plan. Sometimes, medication will be prescribed for a short time to help reset your body’s inner sleep clock. Secondary insomnia is best controlled by treating the underlying health problem or eliminating the aggravating factor, such as decreasing caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol.

 

There are many natural sleep aids available on the market. These herbal remedies and supplements are not regulated by the FDA for quality, dosing, and formulation. Therefore, it is difficult to test their safety and effectiveness.

 

A common natural sleep aid is melatonin. Melatonin is a hormone produced by the pineal gland in your brain. It helps to regulate the body’s circadian rhythm. Studies have shown that melatonin decreases the time it takes to fall asleep, increases drowsiness, and may increase the duration of sleep. It has also been used successfully to reduce the feelings of jet lag. Studies show that 0.1 to 0.3 mg is a safe dose for short term use (3 months or less). It has not been studied for long term use.

 

Valerian is another popular herbal extract used for insomnia. Studies have shown mixed results in relation to valerian usage. Some did not show any benefit over placebo. Valerian is recommended for short term use of 4 to 6 weeks only.

 

Chamomile is a popular herbal sleep remedy that has been used for centuries. It is available as a tea or as a tincture. It generally causes a calming effect and may help people feel relaxed. It is considered safe for short and long term use.

 

Kava, also known as kava-kava, is an herbal remedy for anxiety and insomnia. It is not recommended and has been linked to at least twenty cases of liver failure in Europe. Kava is still available in the United States, so it is important to read the ingredient labels on all herbal products. Do not take the product if it contains kava.

 

Good sleep habits can help to correct and prevent insomnia. Here are some tips to help you get a good night’s sleep:

          Try to go to sleep at the same time each night and get up at the same time each morning. Avoid taking naps.

          Avoid caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol late in the day. These are all stimulants.

          Get regular exercise, but don’t exercise within four hours of bedtime. Exercise can also act as a stimulant.

          Avoid heavy meals within four hours of sleep. A light snack at bedtime is OK.

          Your bedroom should be dark, quiet, and not too warm or too cold.

          Read a book, listen to music, or take a bath prior to sleep.

          Do not watch TV in bed. Do not work from your bed.

          Make a to-do list before you go to sleep so your mind can rest.

 

I wish all of you many good nights of sleep.  If you would like further information or need to be evaluated for insomnia, please contact us at Family Medical and Wellness Center (561) 721-1953.

April, 2011 – Making Strides in Curing Cystic Fibrosis

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AW Spotlight

 

Making Strides in Curing Cystic Fibrosis

 

By Krista Martinelli

 

On April 30th at Wellington’s Village Park at 8:30am, supporters of a good cause will come together and make strides against Cystic Fibrosis.  Event organizer Karen Gray says, “It’s an exciting time.  We are very close to finding a cure!”

tim_banner_09The fight against cystic fibrosis (CF) has come a long way. Cystic fibrosis is a fatal genetic disease that affects the lungs and the pancreas.  In 1955, when the first local chapter of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation was founded, kids suffering with this condition usually did not live beyond the age of 5. Because of advancements in research and medicine, people are making great strides; today the median survival age of people with CF is 38.

Jadyn CoxA typical day for a child suffering with CF is waking up and wearing a vibrating vest for about 45 minutes (to clear out breathing passages). A child with CF will do another 45 minute session later in the day. He or she will also need to take up to 65 different enzymes, so that food can be absorbed in the pancreas. In addition to this, a child with CF will take aerosol medicines through a nebulizer about twice a day. It’s a life that’s full of complications and challenges, yet it’s so much improved from just a generation ago.

Local business woman Linda Windsor was moved by the urgency of the cause, so she founded a team which will walk on April 30th, the PrePaid Legal South Florida team. “We’re showing that PrePaid Legal cares and we like to help with different community events,” says Windsor. In her own family, she had a cousin who had a daughter who struggled with CF and passed away at the age of 18. Her cousin, the girl’s father, went on to become a respiratory therapist.

The day of the Western Communities event is going to be filled with outdoor activities, in addition to the actual walk. “It’s really a celebration of the fundraising accomplishments to date,” says Karen Gray. There will be a mounted patrol, the Home Depot Kids Club, 97.9FM broadcasting, the Renegade dance team with their linehome-depot-jupiter-08 dancing, a fire truck and more!  Registration is at 8am and the walk begins at 8:30am on April 30th, the race day. The walk is actually just a short walk, not even quite a 5K. So it’s an easy family-friendly walk. For more information about the CF walks in general, visit www.cff.org.

Unfortunately for those suffering with cystic fibrosis, their battle draws less attention than some of the other life-threatening diseases and thus, does not always receive as much of a spotlight when it comes to research.

“We’re really different in what we’re doing,” says Gray. “We actually buy the research. Bigger organizations like Scripps and others want to work on cancer. With cystic fibrosis, we hire our own scientists.” All of the funds that are raised go directly toward this research. And 90 cents of each dollar goes directly for that research, while just ten cents goes toward operating expenses.  Those involved in the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation are proud to say that they “operate on a dime.” 

Both Karen Gray and Linda Windsor were touched by the efforts of Mary Weiss, who founded the Palm Beach chapter of the CFF organization in 1965. Weiss became a volunteer for CFF after finding out that all of her three little boys had CF. It became her mission to call every local civic club and seek financial support for CF research. Her 4-year-old son at the time Richard was listening intently as she pursued this cause. “I know what you are working for,” he said. “You are working for 65 Roses.” Mary was speechless, surprised that he knew what she was working on and smiled at his way of saying Cystic Fibrosis. Since then “65 Roses” has become a common way to refer to the disease by children, since the words are easier to pronounce.

Windsor met Mary Weiss eighteen years ago, when (in ateam-emily-julia different career) she was selling insurance to Weiss, who was realizing that she had a long stretch ahead with three boys, all affected by cystic fibrosis. Karen Gray heard Weiss speak about three years ago. “She touched my heart,” says Gray. She saw an opening at the CFF organization for a special events coordinator shortly after that and knew that it would be a great fit for her, something she could believe in and make real progress at.

Windsor wrote a brief letter to some of her colleagues, explaining her commitment to the Great Strides event. “This April I have made a commitment to lead a team in the Great Strides Walk . . . to raise money for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. They are doing some great things and getting very close to preventing this genetic disease.  If you’ve never been around someone with it, you just can’t imagine these children not being able to get a good, deep breath – ever.  It makes life such a struggle and all too short in many cases.” To join Linda Windsor’s PrePaid Legal Great Strides team for the Western Communities walk at Village Park in Wellington, contact her directly at 561-762-1667 or email lwindsor@prepaidlegal.com.

Here are other ways you can help advance CF research, as mentioned on the site cff.org. 

  1. Make a Donation – Money buys science and science buys life.
  2. Join a CF clinical trial.
  3. Contact your local CF Foundation chapter and volunteer. Learn about the many special events that raise the money to keep the science moving ahead!
  4. Become an Advocate and raise awareness – help educate your elected officials about CF.

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